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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not bother helping 9yo DD to get ready for school?

37 replies

Cadelaide · 14/05/2010 08:19

She has been very rude to me for making her a poached egg and not a boiled one, refused to stop watching tracy beaker and thrown her brother's breakfast to the chickens.

She's on her own. She can be late for school and I will be telling the teacher why.

OP posts:

yomellamoHelly · 14/05/2010 09:46

Depends if school give her a roasting for being late or not. If they do then it'll teach her the consequences of her inaction. Otherwise I'd just get her out of the house on time regardless of how ready she is I think and hopefully she'll learn from how awful she feels at being pushed out the door while she's not ready.
Slightly different but we continually have problems getting our 6 yo to do his homework. In the past I've said "fine - tell your teacher why you didn't want to do it" (after 6 days nagging every night and constantly over the weekend and many tears I should add). I'd have been punished with a good ticking off, no playtime and lines. Ds's teacher just totally ignored the fact he hadn't done it and set him another lot for the next week. That's only taught him he can get away with it.

pagwatch · 14/05/2010 09:48

borderlass

have you been in to talk to them about it?
I would go in and explain that and tried to agree with them a sanction that she would not like.

The school would give DS1 detentions which would include a whole Saturady if he was persistently late. I would also be removing his phone, laptop and grounding him if I told him he was to deal with his lateness and he continued.
(He is 16 btw)

pagwatch · 14/05/2010 09:49

sorry, that sounded bossy

I am just curious why the school are fibbing this back at you IYSWIM.
My post reads a bit hostile but I didn't mean that at all!

borderslass · 14/05/2010 09:54

pagwatch
we had a meeting with school over the major bullying dd2 was suffering and this was brought up we told them that quite often she doesn't sleep over it, it is still on going so sanctions aren't helpful at the moment these bullies have destroyed her she is a completely different girl now, once things are settled again it would be different she was never late before any of the bullying.

pagwatch · 14/05/2010 10:02

Oh thats crap Border

sanctions are not appropriate then at all. She needs the schools support, poor girl.

I hope they start to deal with the bullys better than they have so far.

MintHumbug · 14/05/2010 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Cadelaide · 14/05/2010 10:32

Hello!

Back from school and much calmer now.

By "help" I suppose I meant "chivvy along" really. She's very independent and pretty much gets herself ready but needs a little guidance along the way, along the lines of "...you need to get that toothpaste out of your hair".

We left without her but she caught us up, straggly hair, sulky expression and trailing her coat and bag behind her. This is the first time she's ever gone to school without breakfast.

I dunno, I feel as though the dreaded teen years started when she was about 7.

Oh, and thanks all for making me feel good about the poached egg .

OP posts:

Original poster

Cadelaide · 14/05/2010 10:35

I blame bloody tracy beaker. Who thought it was a good idea to put that on at 8 in the morning?

(...and yes I know I don't have to let her watch it).

OP posts:

differentnameforthis · 14/05/2010 10:48

I agree with daydream...no way would I intentionally let dd be late for school. She knows that if she isn't ready & dressed to leave she goes as she is. And she knows I mean it because I have got her in the car sock & shoeless before!

I think kids would love to be late for school...doesn't seem much of a consequence to me, tbh.

Original poster

Cadelaide · 14/05/2010 11:23

Oh no, not her, she finds the idea of being late pretty horrifying.

I'm with pagwatch i guess, after a certain amount of help/prompting I stand back and let them take the consequences. I should add that over the years I have threatened several times to leave her to it and tell the teacher why she's late, and she's always pulled herself together at the last minute.

I really thought i was going to have to do it this morning though.

OP posts:

acebaby · 14/05/2010 11:37

With DS1 (4.10), he has one reminder and that's it until I call him into the car. Obviously because of his age, I put out his clothes and make his breakfast but I don't help him dress or wash his face or nag him to eat breakfast. If he looks like he isn't going to be ready, I put DS2 into the car verrrrrrrry slowly to give him a chance. BTW, DS1 is not particularly mature or independent for his age.

OP: at 9, it is your DD's responsibility to get herself dressed and ready. I would say nothing and let her be late. Also, I wouldn't say anything to the teacher unless the teacher asks you. Make it a positive thing (i.e. 'now you are almost ready for year 5, I'm going to let you decide when to get ready in the morning')

Generally, children hate to be late. They like that pre-lesson banter with their friends.

pagwatch · 14/05/2010 12:57

at Cadelaide and 'taking toothpaste out of your hair' prompt. Very good idea

differentname can I ask, why would children like to be late for school? Having to stand up in assembly, detention, bollocking from teacher etc don't seem like fun to me.

Are you talking about a school with no sanction for persistent lateness?

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