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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want to walk away and never come back?

26 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2010 09:12

i am sat here again in tears because of DS1, yesterday i had a meeting at his school over his bad behaviour which resulted in him having a 1 day suspension from school. he has gone back to school today and before going has tried to steal 60p from me. i know it is not a lot but it is the principle of the matter,i found he had taken it from the side as i knew how much i had there. at first he denied it and i told him he was a liar he eventually handed me the money back.
he is not being given money because he spends it on the wrong things and already gets his lunches. i am so f*ing worn out with the crap from him and have spent the last 2 days breaking down in tears....i just want to walk away and get away from it.

I am 35yrs old and sat here in tears because of a child....

OP posts:
traumaqueen · 13/05/2010 09:15

Nothing makes me cry more than my DCs' behaviour. Exhausting. Are you getting any help with him?

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 13/05/2010 09:16

Of course not , if you did it though.....

Things are no better then.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2010 09:16

TQ, CAMHS are involved but we have only seen them once and not again until next week. The guy we are seeing is about 5yrs old....well ok maybe not but you get what i mean.
I just wish DS1 was able to see what he is doing

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 13/05/2010 09:18

i have this with mine....you are not alone TLE

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2010 09:19

The way i feel today i could easily walk away and i know that makes me a bad mum, but i have given all i can give to this situation and to DS1 i have tried so many things over the years and nothing is getting us anywhere....

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 13/05/2010 09:21

i know....have read many of your posts about him!!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2010 09:26

ILT, i feel so down today.

Have just gone to have a piece of my choccy bar i bought yesterday and guess what....thats gone as well i know it sounds silly

OP posts:
racmac · 13/05/2010 09:27

Have you contacted Relate - they did in our area do counselling for young troubled children - i used to refer as a Solicitor and they were wonderful.

Not sure if it is a national thing or was just our area - they did family and teenager counselling

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2010 09:28

Racmac.,i will look into that..

OP posts:
racmac · 13/05/2010 09:29

www.relate.org.uk/young-people-counselling/index.html

try here and see if they can help - i promise they were wonderful for the children i referred to

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2010 09:31

Thanks RacMac

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 13/05/2010 09:38

Hugs from me TLE {{{{{{{}}}}}}}} I know how hard it can be,,,,,,,,,,,

elmofan · 13/05/2010 09:39

oh TLE

My ds is the same age & trust me i have shed lots of tears over him .

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2010 09:43

you know right this second i feel so alone...like i am the worst mum in the world for the way he has turned out and for feeling the way i do

OP posts:
elmofan · 13/05/2010 10:07

TLE - you are not alone , 11yrs old is an awkward age , with our ds its one day he will act so mature then the next i swear he will act like a toddler sulking & throwing tantrums for his own way . You are not a bad mother so STOP thinking that (hold hands on hips &sternly looks at Tle )

i crashed my car into a petrol pump this am & i am mortified lol

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2010 10:23

lol how did you manage that????

OP posts:
elmofan · 13/05/2010 10:33

the lovely oldgit in front of me parked his huge merc at a slant (tail of his car sticking out) therefore blocking the pump behind so i tried to steer my small car around his & crashed into the bloody skirt that surrounds the pumps Q everyone stared & me having to move my car & put petrol in with a big red face . thankfully no damage was caused . but got lots of looks

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2010 10:37

ooppss glad there was no damage

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 13/05/2010 10:38

do you want to say what kind of behaviour caused the problems at school?

I think a lot of dc steal without really considering what they do as stealing - but if you are always firm about it, he should hopefully grow out of it. I had the problem with my dd that she would "find" things when we were out and about and want to keep them. They really were lying about with no obvious owner, however I would have to keep saying they belong to someone who might come back to look for them and be upset not to find them etc

I don't know what lies behind that though.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 13/05/2010 10:42

tle
if you really were the worst mum in the world you would not be feeling anything about his behaviour, so give yourself permission to feel fed up, but also remind yourself that you are hanging on in there, and trying to get help

Elmo

My DS is 11 and he sounds just like yours.
i 'joke' it's like living with all 7 of the dwarves called Puberty : Grumpy, angry, grouchy, hungry,sleepy, stroppy and very rarely happy.

He is harder work than all 3 daughters rolled into one and I dread that it will get harder before it gets better.
At least he's not drinking, smoking or doing drugs- yet.

Lemonylemon · 13/05/2010 10:45

TLE I think I've posted on some of your previous threads. My DS is a year older than yours. I take it your DS is in year 7. Year 7 is pants for them. They've gone from being a big fish in a small pond to being a very small fish in a very big pond.... Very intimidating and very frightening. I had all sorts of battles with my DS about his behaviour.

He's now turning 13 at the end of the month, is nearly through year 8 and is better behaved now. (THANK GOD!!!)

What I've done so far to keep him on the straight and narrow, so to speak, is:

Got the school involved. They have one of those exclusion/inclusion units (can't remember what it's called) where they do internal suspensions. That particular unit also organised family therapy sessions for us which we had through February this year. They were a big, big help. The counsellor was lovely.

Our local council also runs free workshops on a weekend for things like woodwork etc. I've just done one class with DS and we've made a robin box and a blue tit box. Next week we're making a bat box and a window box. DS kept thanking me over and over for taking him along to the class.

I've had the stealing, I've had the lying, the deceit, dishonesty (and all the other words you can use for the same thing) and it does get better if you keep at it. There were days when I felt like my head was going to burst. I know I'm not a bad mum and I know that you're not one either - if we were, we wouldn't be so concerned about our DCs!

Have a hug.....

elmofan · 13/05/2010 10:48

lol iwastooearly - love your name

yy thats it exactly - 7 dwarfs sums it up perfectly lol

DameGladys · 13/05/2010 10:51

TLE were you Vaunda, or was that someone else?

I really feel for you, it's so tough.

{{hugs}}

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2010 10:55

Dame,yes i was and still am Vaunda (have to be as it is my name )

The behaviour is eating openly in class, being rude to teachers and other pupils, playing with his phone in class, just generally being disruptive.

OP posts:
Lemonylemon · 13/05/2010 11:19

TLE That behaviour is totally NOT out of the ordinary.... honestly! Keep at it, it will settle down....