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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to invite whole class to DS party?

26 replies

danpige · 12/05/2010 20:41

DS is having his first birthday party aged 5. He started in school in Jan 10 and is in a class of 15, 7 boys and 8 girls. After the summer holiday he will be in a much bigger class.

Party is being held in a vilage hall with outdoor space, fairly big.

Have been talking of who to invite with him for a few weeks. He wanted to invite a few close friends and the boys from his class. We set the limit to 15 children as we know a few may bring siblings so we did not want too many kids as I just think that parties with too many kids can be a bit wild.

Anyway I sit down this evening to write invitations with him and he suddenly chooses everyone from his class except 4 girls. (and drops a few of his outside school friends who he does not see that much now due to school)

But now I feel bad about the 4 girls who have been left out. (one of these did not invite DS to her party, the rest of the year have not had parties yet)

so should I bend my rules and invite all 14 plus 5 close friends. making 20 kids in total and hope & pray a few drop out.
Or stop worring about others stick to the limit?

We don't have many helpers at the party as family live far away, a few of the other mums may stay and help if I ask. DS would like whole class but accept the limit and is happy with his choice.

OP posts:
MamaG · 12/05/2010 20:49

Oh it's only 4 kids
invite em meanie

McDreamy · 12/05/2010 20:51

I totally agree that usually you can't invite the whole class but when it's only 4 left and you have the room to invite them, I think I would invite them.

mazzystartled · 12/05/2010 20:54

I think it is bad form to not invite a small number - whole class or less than half/just the boys would be fine.

Some may not be able to come. You can specifically ask a few parents to stay. And in a village hall, 20 kids will not be much different to 15.

ronshar · 12/05/2010 20:55

IME not many mums will leave their 5 year olds at a party.

I do think you are being a little bit unreasonable.
I always try and think how I would feel if any of my children were left out!
Some of the invited may not be able to come so you still only have your 15.

fireupthequattro · 12/05/2010 20:55

I would've loved to invite entire class to DS 5th, but he wanted it in a soft play place that cost £7.95 a head and I am trying to make redundancy stretch out as long as possible! They also had a 25 maximum limit.

I know it sounds cutthroat but the school gave me a class list in age order. I invited his best mates, anyone older than him who had invited him to a party, and the kids in the class who were younger than him.

He'd only been to 2 parties from Sept to March as the mums from the village (non military ones) are a bit cliquey, so I figured they wouldn't mind not being invited to his. That still left 15 kids plus out-of-school buddies and friends kids.

Sadly I completely forgot one girls invite (found it down back of glove box after party ). She had a party two weeks ago and invited whole class except for DS . Obviously mum felt unhappy about it. I bought her a little gift and gave it to mum in playground with a little note explaining my doofus behaviour.

Some will drop out and some will just not turn up without letting you know , so if you can invite them all and ask some mums to stay.

Hulababy · 12/05/2010 20:58

You can't just leave 4 out IMO; it is so mean. Invite them all or invite just half the class (sayall the boys).

If worried about numbers say no siblings. IMO better that than missing out classmates.

LostArtOfKeepingASecret · 12/05/2010 20:58

I would invite them all. If its anything like DD school, invitations are not handed out subtly, so it would be horrible to miss out 4 children.

Anyway, the chances of them all making it would be fairly slim.

paisleyleaf · 12/05/2010 20:58

Go for the 20. It sounds like there'll be plenty of space and the one off payment anyway.
Is it the catering or the supervising you're worried about covering?

Original poster
danpige · 12/05/2010 21:08

You make me sound so mean! Its really not like that, I have just been to quite a few parties with loads of kids and it was just horrid. At one party DS asked to leave as his friend had so many kids at the party she did not have a chance to play with them all. DS was just overwhelmed and so seemed the birthdaygirl.

A few of the close friends have got siblings who will come along as their mums will be there and they live far away. But I do take your point that the last 4 would be upset. Like I said in the post one of the girls did not invite my DS, he was okay about though. I think the teacher is happy to put invitations in school bag so its not that obvious.

OP posts:
PeedOffWithNits · 12/05/2010 21:18

i don't think you are mean

anyway, 4 more people = 4 more bits of tat presents you have no room for

fireupthequattro · 12/05/2010 21:22

At friends large party she made a craft table - girls sat quietly in corner making pink pompom encrusted, glittery party bags.

Boys went mental on bouncy castle like red faced sweaty panting bull mastiffs.

I opted for the craft corner

It did cut noise to half though!

ronshar · 12/05/2010 21:40

Seriously.
How would you feel if it was your child left out.
If you have activities then the children wont be running around like banshees

maryz · 12/05/2010 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ronshar · 12/05/2010 21:58

Maryz. That is so sad. Why are parents so unthinking when it comes to other peoples children?

I have always had the rule. All or none from school.
I am faced with DD2 6th bday in Sept. Whole class of 30.

Original poster
danpige · 12/05/2010 22:01

Thanks everyone, spoken to DH and we have agreed to invite the whole class. Thanks for hints on how to keep them all entertained. Lets hope a few wont turn up!!!!

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 12/05/2010 22:04

I would never have the whole class-it is madness and I haven't got the room or the money. They are not close friends with the whole class. I would have no more than 10. However you can't just leave 4 out.

pippylongstockings · 12/05/2010 22:05

I think as it is only 4 children in the class you have to invite them -

My DS1 (5) goes to a large city school and mixes with 3 other classes in his year so clearly we couldn't have the 80 children in his year but we did have a big mix of those that were in class and those in other classes - that kind of took the heat out of the fact he only wanted about 10 children from his own class.

PlanetEarth · 12/05/2010 22:07

If you're worried about numbers I'd be strict about no siblings/friends. My kids have never had a party where (non-invited) siblings and friends turned up.

alicet · 12/05/2010 22:12

pmsl at this: 'girls sat quietly in corner making pink pompom encrusted, glittery party bags. Boys went mental on bouncy castle like red faced sweaty panting bull mastiffs'

SO SO SO true!

ronshar · 12/05/2010 22:14

Dont worry. At least one wont turn up.
One wont even let you know either way.

Good decision. Next year go bowling with two friends

pigletmania · 12/05/2010 22:15

You dont have to invite them, your not mean or U, its not like its one or two left out thats different and in that situation i would invite them. Its your DS party he should invite who he wants.

GOODASGOLD · 12/05/2010 22:16

I think it's a really nice thing to have the whole class.

It gets you talking to all the parents for one thing.

Next year can be very different and more selective.

Go to Asda for low price prizes/party bags.

And enjoy it. Take a lot of photos.

muminthemiddle · 12/05/2010 22:45

Agree with others either just the boys or all the class.

Parents should set a good example and leaving a few people out is not setting a good example. My dd was put in this position in reception I think she was the only girl or one of 2 not invited and I have never really forgiven her mother for it, petty as it might seem.

stealthsquiggle · 12/05/2010 22:48

Whole class or less than half, to be fair - especially in their first year at school.

I would go for all of them and cross fingers for drop-outs IIWY (a word of warning, though - I did that with DS's first school party and every single child came )

ljgibbs · 12/05/2010 22:54

My DCs birthdays are very close together (just a couple of days apart) and I've held joint parties for them where they have both invited their whole classes. One party was held at the local park and the other was at the swimming baths. Both worked out really well.