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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

making tea at work

70 replies

blackmonday · 12/05/2010 20:16

i started a new job about 6 months ago working in an office where i am on a lower grade than the 3 other women who work there but do not work for them. (public sector). it was going ok and i make my fair share of tea and coffee along with everyone else. just lately one of my higher grade colleagues has taken to asking me on a regular basis 'do you fancy making a tea?'. I am getting really about it. Just because i am on a lower grade is it my duty to make her tea? she hardly ever makes one. I have made it clear i'm unhappy but still get up and make it. It's really starting to get to me. I am not an office junior and more than capable of doing same/similar jobs to them, just find my grading suitable as i have young children at home. Job is fine apart from this. AIBU to object to making the tea? what would you do?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 12/05/2010 20:37

Just 'no'. Then don't look at her anymore. Just get back to work.

Or take a flask as suggested.

BosomForAPillow · 12/05/2010 20:38

"Do you fancy making a tea?"
"No I'm ok thanks."
(Sounds like you thought she asked if you fancy one but also you say no.)

wukter · 12/05/2010 20:41

You have a nice collection of non confrontational phrases now OP. Use them!
No harm in offering to make one round, maybe, when you want one, not jumpimg to it when she says.
She will have to drop it if you keep saying no pleasantly and taking part in "normal" tea-making. She won't risk showing her hand.

The voice of experience, here.

AMumInScotland · 12/05/2010 20:44

If she definitely knows, then I think you just have to stand your ground. Say "No" - it gets easier with practice If you find it easier say "No thanks" or add a friendly smile as you say it.

It sounds like she's a bit of a bully, and you are currently acting like a victim by doing it. You have to change her perception of you from "Junior muggins slave labour" to "person who won't just give in without an argument"

She may get worse while she learns it, but it'll be better in the long run. Otherwise, you'll find yourself also doing her photocopying, fetching her drycleaning, or doing anything else she doesn't want to bother with. Stop the rot now!

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 12/05/2010 20:46

Here's a wee tip - if you know someone at work who has no problem in standing up for themselves, try picturing them in your mind when you say "no" - pretend you are them.

Original poster

blackmonday · 12/05/2010 20:47

thanks everyone. Will just start to toughen up and say 'no'.

OP posts:

Laquitar · 12/05/2010 20:50

Spit in it

I had this problem once and i made the tea horrible - very weak, with extra sugar. They never asked me again

cakeywakey · 12/05/2010 20:52

Just wanted to second the 'not really' line. Keep it light and she can't complain, it will amuse your other colleagues too. If she wants a cup of tea let her make her blooming self. Cheeky mare.

GrendelsMum · 12/05/2010 21:03

Agree with all those who say you just treat it as a normal suggestion and say 'no thanks'. Or even 'I'm rather busy today, so if you're making one, I'd be very pleased to have one.'

GeekOfTheWeek · 12/05/2010 21:08

Just say no.

Cheeky cow.

If she continues or makes an issue out of it then see HR.

BettySuarez · 12/05/2010 21:15

I once rinsed my bosses coffee cup out in the toilet because he was such a tit and used to touch me up (I was 18 )

Don't follow my example though - that would be really immature

minibmw2010 · 12/05/2010 21:16

I have colleagues who make a huge fuss out of whose turn it is to make the tea/coffee ... they'll say "Oh who made it last, whose turn is it" and I always ignore them. Luckily I don't really drink tea/coffee but when they ask if I want a drink I always absolutely always say "no but thank you" so that I can go get my own drink (water, coke, whatever) whenever I want without worrying/thinking about anyone else. I absolutely cannot be bothered with the office politics of it all.

Nymphadora · 12/05/2010 21:17

I have this with my supervisor ( only just become my supervisor though) I don't even drink hot drinks so am never making them. I am also particularly shit at making coffee, yet still she asks.

BettySuarez · 12/05/2010 21:20

Your colleagues sound horrid OP.

I bet that they have their own mugs in the cupboard and have a hissy fit if someone uses their mug

Oh and I bet one of them brings in their lunch everyday in a tupperware box and warms it up in the microwave, stinking out the entire office!

This is why I work for myself these days.

Pavlov · 12/05/2010 21:24

'I am a bit busy right now, but am parched, would love one if you fancy making it though' or something like that. It is not your job to make tea, its a nice thing to do, if you happen to be making one anyway.

Magaly · 12/05/2010 21:40

BettySuarez, oh I remember people who would put post it notes on their slim line milk in the fridge at work. And as people carried on ignoring the post it notes, the threatening messages got more and more menacing. It was funny. oh work. Those were the days. don't miss it.

bran · 12/05/2010 21:43

Magaly, someone on here linked to a totally fabulous site that had office kitchen passive aggressive notes. It was hilarious. It was years ago though, as I remember reading it while at work. I'll have a search.

bran · 12/05/2010 21:52

I think this is the one.

AnyFuleKno · 12/05/2010 21:59

I have a rule at work - I do one drinks round per day. I used to go all the time but people take the piss. There are still certain people that never go but always accept a drink...makes me grrr

blondewithbump · 13/05/2010 14:17

when i was a trainee one of the senior partners kept bellowing through the office wall (we sat in adjacent offices) that he wanted a tea. I couldn't say no because i was looking for a permanent role there and didn't want to annoy him so to stop myself seething I used to lick all around the rim of his cup before I gave it to him. He was obsessed with hygiene and i knew it would have horrified him so it made me feel a lot better. I know it was a very childish thing to do and everyone elses suggestions are much more sensible but 'lick the mug' is satisfying if all else fails

Cartoose · 13/05/2010 14:46

""Do you fancy making a tea?"
"No I'm ok thanks."
(Sounds like you thought she asked if you fancy one but also you say no.)"

I love this idea. Non-confrontational and friendly but gets the message across.

haoshiji · 13/05/2010 15:04

"I bet that they have their own mugs in the cupboard and have a hissy fit if someone uses their mug"

Ha ha - The dozy moo's I work with shit a brick if 'their mug' has been used. Tea making is regimented by a person at a certain time of day. And woe betide anyone going off script; although they all rip a new arsehole when the MD starts to make his own tea (he does 99% of the time).

I am a manager in the company, when I started I was shown around and told 'the lady's here make the tea at blah o'clock and you can ask them to make tea if you have visitors' I said, s'ok I can make my own tea and I will make it for visitors' - wow it was like farting in church.

It?s so funny, they all talk shit to each other all day about how a carrier bag broke in Tesco?s ? there not as strong as they used to be? or a Belgian bun only had 7 raisins in it but they all hate each other, as soon as one is gone from the office the knives come straight out.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 13/05/2010 15:08

All this reminds me why I thank the lord every day that I don't have to do that anymore.. I hate working in an office.

I just pray I can keep making enough cakes to keep me out of an office!!!

potplant · 13/05/2010 15:20

I used to work with a complete witch who used to do this. she wasn't any more senior than me but because she reported to was shagging the boss this made her think she pull this sort of crap.

We had some visitors from another office working with us one time. She was showing them round and said to them 'if you want any tea or coffee then just ask the girls' pointing directly to me. Its not like I was the office junior either! When one of the came and asked I took them into the kitchn showed them the kettle, the tea bags and the milk and said 'help yourselves'.

MissMarjoribanks · 13/05/2010 15:23

'Fancy making a brew?' was a common conversation opener in our public sector office. Yes, no, and piss off and make your own were all acceptable retorts.

We even had an alarm clock set up to remind one member of the team who was not as frequent a brewer upper as the rest of us, but to be fair, she was genuinely very busy.

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