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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want my friend's diet foisted onto me?

50 replies

cupcakesandbunting · 12/05/2010 16:35

I'm probably being a bit U but feel a wee bit about this...

It's a friend's birthday at the weekend and a group of us are hiring a cottage for the weekend and staying in on the friday and cooking/watching films/doing "girly" stuff etc. One of my best friends is on a strict low-cal diet at the minute and is doing really well and I'm proud of her because like me she is struggling with losing a stone or so. I am doing WeightWatchers and have been saving points furiously this week to be a bit naughty at the weekend. Now one of the girls has just text asking what everyone's food preferences are for friday as diet friend wants something healthy like a chicken salad

Now, I've been ill for a fortnight and have had a miserable old time so was looking forward to a fun time. It's a special occasion so like I said, have been saving up WWs points to have fun with. Chicken salad ain't fun IMO. I just said to the friend that text "could we have something fun and ---- has something healthy? :-)"

AIBU by saying this? Am I being unsupportive?

OP posts:

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 12/05/2010 19:19

She should be prepared for stuff she ca't have being there j would.

OnlyWantsOne · 12/05/2010 19:22

YAB a little bit U

Do you not think that it is an unhealthy attitude towards food to make the connection between unhealthy food and fun?

Surely the fun would be being there with your girly friends.

Not eating chips and kebabs

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 12/05/2010 19:26

Erm, OnlyWantsOne, I don't like chips and kebabs. I do, however, on special occasions like to indulge a wee bit. I live on "diet food" 90% of the time. And healthy food can be lovely like my chicken tagine idea or I've since suggested a nice butternut squash curry which is low in fat but tasty. But chicken salad? Which will consist of three very bland ingredients? Nooooooooo.

And plus I don't make any apologies for finding fun in food. I don't do drugs or smoke. I think that finding joy in a cheesecake is pretty tame

OP posts:

GeekOfTheWeek · 12/05/2010 19:35

cupcakesandbunting we could be twins! Cheesecake and wine gives me untold pleasure

I'm on a diet and no way would I expect friends to join me in that situation. Surely she can resist temptation if she is that bothered.

She is being vv unreasonable forcing plain chicken salad on you.

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 12/05/2010 19:38

Yep, cheesecake and wine I would live on if it wouldn't make me permanently fat and drunk.

I do admire these types who just see food as a necessary fuel rather than something to lust over and devour with relish.

OP posts:

Fluffyone · 12/05/2010 19:49

Yep, a bit of fun fom "naughty" food is allowed now and then. Bloody miserable to feel that you've always got to have a "healthy" attitude to food. Actually, I think having the attitude that you will enjoy some slightly unhealthy but really tasty food from time to time is a healthy, balanced attitude. It seems to work for me as I'm (honestly!) a size 8 at 50 years old.
What I'd really like to know is, has everyone who is going on this weekend decided that diet food is to be eaten at all times? Or is this a well-meaning idea that one person has come up with, and everyone feels they ought to go along with it.

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 12/05/2010 19:58

Well, I'll transcribe the texts here, Fluffyone and you can decide for yourself

Friend 1: Hello everyone. What are your food preferences for friday? ___ wants to do healthy and has suggested cooked chicken and salad"

Me: "Can do healthy and we have something fun? :-)"

Friend 1: I will check with but that sounds like a better idea!"

Me: "I've been saving Weightwatchers points this week and was looking forward to something a bit naughty"

Me: "Or if we all want to be healthy, I can do everyone a healthy chicken tagine with cous cous and lots of vegetables? Will go and fetch the stuff tomorrow"

Friend 1: "That sounds lovely. I'm not a fan of cous cous but will bring some rice too. (other friend) would like free range organic chicken though!"

Me: "Ah sod dinner, let's get pissed instead"

Friend 1: "yes th1t sounds like a good plan. Salad isn't very special occasion-y though so will think of something"

Size 8? Bugger orf! How dare you!

OP posts:

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 12/05/2010 21:14

Booooooooooooo, just been sent a FB message by dieting friend and she hs said that we are going to eat healthily i.e salad.

Get the party poppers out

OP posts:

SloanyPony · 12/05/2010 21:23

Bring your own food, or dont go. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just bring some things you want to eat and present them alongside the other food options that are available.

There's a bit of "why dont you" "yes but" about your post. You are a grown woman, just have whatever you want. If you dont want chicken salad, dont have it, bring yourself a pizza to pop in the oven. Or whatever. If your friend is allowed to decide what she wants to eat, so are you. Problem solved.

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 12/05/2010 21:25

You're right, Sloany. I know this. I suppose I just wanted a bit of a gripe about the "I'm eating healthily so you all will" type of attitude.

But I will do what you said, thankyou

OP posts:

SloanyPony · 12/05/2010 21:27

You know what, I think someone asked what food preferences where, so she spoke up. It might not have unfolded the way it has if they hadn't asked in the first place what food preferences were.

But - your friend has illustrated a fundamental truth of dieting, and that is that nobody can make you eat anything you dont want to eat.

Obviously, same goes for you so enjoy whatever it is you end up with

SloanyPony · 12/05/2010 21:29

Were, not Where

withorwithoutyou · 12/05/2010 21:30

Yep take a pizza or find the nearest chip shop

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 12/05/2010 21:32

There's another friend going who I know won't be happy with this Rosemary Conley club that's going on so maybe I could cajole her into coming with me to find some naughty food?

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2010 21:34

"How will they know whether its free-range/organic? Its not going to poke its beak out of the pot and tell them, is it? "

as a commited vegetarian I find this comment...bloomin' hilarious

Fluffyone · 13/05/2010 08:46

Oh blimey, that's dire. I'd book myself into a hotel and eat lovely food watching films instead.
I think you all need to communicate, and text via one person isn't the best way to do it. I'd be thinking two meal choices, one for the virtuous and one for those who want to relax for a couple of days. Oh, and take cupcakes! Look at it this way, it's no more wrong for you to try to direct some of the food choices than it is for the dieting lady.

Fluffyone · 13/05/2010 08:46

p.s. Sorry about the size 8 thing, I blame it on a hectic life.

Lonnie · 13/05/2010 10:24

"How will they know whether its free-range/organic? Its not going to poke its beak out of the pot and tell them, is it? "

as a commited vegetarian I find this comment...bloomin' hilarious

that is amusing but actaully you can taste if its organic or not there is a lot of flavour difference.. same w organic veggies

OP Salad can be yummy fun and fantastic get some special stuff stick it out in bowls have other things but chicken and have fun all of you to make it dressing bacon bits cheese flakes etc bread warm and olive oil to dip add potato salad etc it can be amazing YANBU to want to have something yummy but why cant it be yummy and also suitable for your friend?

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 13/05/2010 10:34

Lonnie, I have offered alternative healthy options that I would be willing to cook but no. It MUST be salad.

OP posts:

Rockbird · 13/05/2010 10:36

I'm always on diets (never lose anything though!) and I would never expect anyone else to change what they eat. The idea of going away with friends for a fun weekend and expecting everyone else to eat lettuce just because I am is ludicrous. It's her problem not everyone else's.

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 13/05/2010 10:41

I just don't subscribe to this healthy food must be bland mindset. I've been doing WeightWatchers on and off for five years and have gone from fifteen stone to eleven and I cook tasty, healthy stuff every day. It's become ingrained in me now and I can see that if people are martyrs to their diets, that is when they will fail

OP posts:

Fluffyone · 13/05/2010 13:16

Stock up on nachos and dips.
Honestly, I'd have replied to the original txt saying something like:
Can't stand chick salad - is wk of devil. will bring lasag + garl brd as alternative - how many shall i make it 4?

Angelcat666 · 13/05/2010 16:22

What Rockbird said.

@ "How will they know whether its free-range/organic? Its not going to poke its beak out of the pot and tell them, is it? "

Kewcumber · 14/05/2010 12:06

"but actaully you can taste if its organic or not" - see my comment about Waitrose chicken... but frankly most supermarket "organic" chicken doesn;t tasteany differnt to their free range (IMVHO) I suspect much of it is sourced overseas at a lower price and standardthan UK organic.

Waitrose organic defintely tastes superior but I suspect not so much after 15 frozen margaritas on a hen weekend.

Guadalupe · 14/05/2010 12:10

Just say that's fine and you can all bring salady tapas things, then bring what you want like olives and bread and dip and stuff. And a pudding.

She will have the option of eating healthily and you will have the option of not.

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