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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hate my mother in law

14 replies

molk · 11/05/2010 12:14

Still reeling from weekend visiting in laws. We arrived after 3 hour journey where my dd aged 3 was sick 3 times, and ds age 5 was sick once all over the car. We met in a restaurant of mother in laws choice. There was a set manu of fish in wine sauce, pork in cider or lentil and onion casserole - none of which suit my kids (they are not fussy). At her house my husband asked if we could wash their sick clothes in the washing machine and she told us we should hand wash them. She shouted at her brother(aged 60) because he left a small bit of tomato skin and didn't clear his plate. She took us on a 4 mile walk and said it was unsuitable for pram so both the kids were Knackered and upset after about half of it. She wanted us to go further but my husband refused. She went mad because someone put the butter in the fridge. These are just highlights, plenty of other stuff - none good.
Both kids sick all the way home, dd still sick yesterday morning.
To top it off she phoned me yesterday to say she thought my dd hadn't eaten well over wend and i should sit her down and make her eat all her food. My sister in law is grossly obese, and my dh would be if i didn't do the cooking!
Sorry to rant on a lot to get off my chest. My dh feels the same. I can't face going again. What would you do.

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 11/05/2010 12:21

Ooh she sounds like a corker. God I could have some fun with her. YANBU.

tiredlady · 11/05/2010 12:25

Don't visit her again.

If she wants to see your dh he can go by himself. If she wants to see your dcs then she can come to your house and abide by your rules.

She sounds dreadful and if it were my MIL my dh would know better than to ask me to take the dcs up there for a visit again.

Stand your ground

bumpybecky · 11/05/2010 12:26

yanbu

don't go back!

mousemole · 11/05/2010 12:29

who needs that ? Don't go back !!

blonde36er · 11/05/2010 12:29

YANBU - I wouldn't go again. As DH feels the same is it worth him telling her how you both feel? Either she'll see she's been out of order, or she'll take complete offence and won't invite you back up again

at her moaning that an ill child hadn't eaten well over the weekend, what did she bloody expect?

alicet · 11/05/2010 12:30

I would be having a frank chat with her about what she thinks is suitable for children. I wouldn't (on this alone) refuse to go again but I would:

  1. ensure restaurants are suitable for the children and if you arrive and find they're not say you will take them elsewhere and pil welcome to join you or you will meet later

  2. refuse to do activities that are not chidlren friendly (like long walks) - again 'that won't work with us but you go ahead and we will see you later.

  3. not engage on the parenting advice 'that is an interesting view but we do it like this' etc.

If she continues to behave in an unpleasant way then it is time to think about not going but I think children deserve a relationahip with grandparents if at all possible. And there are issues with my pils too (mainly fil) so I am not talking as someone who doesn't know where you are coming from!

alicet · 11/05/2010 12:33

Oh and if she is being aggressive and unpleasant I might say something like 'you are obviously stressed with so many visitors - we'll get out of your hair for an hour or so - see you later bye!' and head to the park or something

molk · 11/05/2010 12:36

thanks for your support. my problem is that my dh has been brought up in fear of her and is now scared to stand up to her. i agree i can not put myself or the kids through another visit to her. we have always used to travel sickness as an excuse, but as my dh also had this (worse than my dd according to her), and she carried on regardless, she has no sympathy for my dd. my husband can remember vomiting by the road and being told to hurry up by her!
She, by the way, is oblivious to my feelings and thinks we had a great weekend.

OP posts:
molk · 11/05/2010 12:38

Good advice alicet, if only i had thought of that at the time.

OP posts:
diddl · 11/05/2010 13:26

I would suggest not visiting if husband is ok with that.

It doesn´t sound as if the children would miss much by not seeing her very often imo.

And tbh I wouldn´t engage with her re "what´s best for children"-it´s obviously her way or no way

cupcakesandbunting · 11/05/2010 13:28

God, when I hear of harridans like OP's MiL, it makes me very grateful for mine who is an angel.

Don't go again, OP. if she wants to know why, tell her that it's because the LOs said that they didn't enjoy themselves last time and they've asked never to go again

BritFish · 11/05/2010 13:31

butter....goes....in...the....fridge.
thats the part i cant get over. butter lives in the fridge! or it melts and goes disgusting!

blinks · 11/05/2010 13:34

just because she's your MIL, doesn't mean you have to do what she says.

check the menu before taking kids to restaurant, don't go on a 4 mile walk with children out of prams, go home if your kids start puking en route, put butter in her fridge just to wind her up,laugh at her ridiculous comments and avoid her phonecalls.

good to moan though.

cupcakesandbunting · 11/05/2010 13:35

My mum keeps her butter in a cupboard, to be fair. Still, she wouldn't be a dickhead about it if I or anyone else put it in the fridge fgs....

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