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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to high five and congratulate DS on his kick!

36 replies

carocaro · 10/05/2010 19:48

Long story short, one child since reception has been a pain in the ass nasty behavior wise on and off, DS1 is now 8 and in year 3. He already has one small scar by his eye from said child scratching his face. There has been nothing for a while, but in the last two weeks he has scratched his face again, spoke to school and the mother, but so not interested really.

So I told DS to kick said child as hard as he could if he tried it again. And he did this today as he went for DS face again, he fell over and backed off.

So I high fived him and told him well done and do it again!!!!

OP posts:
sparklycheerymummy · 10/05/2010 20:04

YABU to encourage a child to respond to violence with violence ...... your child is as bad as the other now!! I would be tempted to say it to my child too but would stop myself and ring the education authority if i felt the school werent doing anything!!!!! All you have taught your child is that its ok to aggressive if you are pi**ed off with someone.

alarkaspree · 10/05/2010 20:07

I went to a talk by Michael Thompson, the author of 'Best Friends, Worst Enemies' and 'Raising Cain' recently. Much to my surprise he advocated pretty much your approach to a mother in your situation. So I'll go for YANBU.

larks35 · 10/05/2010 20:08

If you are serious then YABveryU. Your son now knows that mummy thinks violence is the way to sort things out and will "high five" you when you "win" in a fight. Well done.

NewBirdOnTheBlock · 10/05/2010 20:23

YANBU nothing else seems to have worked. It's the only thing some people understand and it is the approach I now use with my dd.

She is a very small 2 year old and a big 6ish year old kept pushing her over at Wacky and blowing raspberries at me when i told him off and his mother was not interested. dp told her to kick him if he did it again. She did, right in the shin and he didn't bother again. I was against it at first and gave him a bollocking for even suggesting it but I had to eat my words at a 6 year old running away from a little girl who looks about 9 months old as he was scared

tootyflooty · 10/05/2010 20:28

the other child probably had it coming to him, and from your post sounds like the first time your son has reacted physically. I would always tell my dc to report an incident to the teacher, but when my dd was bullied verbally for 4 years at primary school, i told her that the moment this other girl laid a finger on her she was to land her one. this was out of desperation with the school with the way they pussy footed around this girl and her family. I think your motives were well meant, but the high fiving was inappropriate, you could just have explained to your son that now he has stood up for himself hopefully the bullying will stop, and that his kicking was a last resort.

activate · 10/05/2010 20:30

that's appalling - you have acted terribly

but you will reap the benefits as your son now believes that kicking is a good thing

Morloth · 10/05/2010 20:33

I think it is one thing to say "hit/kick back if necessary" and this is indeed what I was taught and will teach my DS's and quite another to act like it is a fun thing to do and anything other than a last resort.

Alouiseg · 10/05/2010 20:35

It's the only thing that works.

You tried everything else first.

Yanbu at all.

thisisyesterday · 10/05/2010 20:37

oif course you're being unreasonable.

when you're hauled into school because your son is bullying everyone he takes a dislike to, because you told him it was ok, then I hope you remember this

differentID · 10/05/2010 20:37

yanbu to teach your son that violence is a last resort, however yab abit u to make it into a big thing to be proud of.

My parents always told me never to start a fight. Walk away whenever possible. If they still keep on, finish it.

chesgirlNOTgriffins · 10/05/2010 20:40

Wouldnt it be wonderful if the stuff you have previously tried worked?

But it didnt and your child was getting scratched and scarred.

Last resort and all that.

I think its worth a follow up talk with your DC to explain that fighting back is a last resort.

I dont think your child is going to turn into a gangsta in da hood overnight.

auntpolly · 10/05/2010 20:42

I can see why you were exasperated if nothing was done, was there no other way to escalate it? I don't know as neither of my children are in school yet. It's the "kick said child as hard as he could" that gets me though. I can't ever imagine telling my child to kick another child as hard as they can, and then cheering them for it.

Vallhala · 10/05/2010 20:42

YABU. Bloody good for you. I hope that from now on the brat other child reaslises that yours is not a pushover.

As my father used to say 'Don't start it, but do make sure that you finish it'.

thisisyesterday · 10/05/2010 20:44

oh fgs you're all acting like this was the only thing that could be done

if another child was repeatedly bullying mine and the school was not interested then I would pull him out until they got it sorted. not tell him to kick someone... good grief

bedlambeast · 10/05/2010 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BAFE · 10/05/2010 20:46

YANBU - people seem to forget that we're perfectly entitled to defend ourselves and our property, and so are our children.

Vallhala · 10/05/2010 20:50

Sorry, I meant YANBU.

TheCrackFox · 10/05/2010 20:56

YANBU. Bullies often deserve a kick up the arse.

Morloth · 10/05/2010 20:58

Did our parents all get a script or something? We too got the "Don't start it, but I will understand if you need to finish it".

I am not a pacifist, I do think sometimes violence is the answer and will use it when I deem it necessary. Same goes for my kids.

junglist1 · 10/05/2010 21:00

YANBU. My youngest used to tell me stories every day, in the end I told him to deal with the boy. He did and hasn't been touched since and Thank God I was never approached by the mother for her sake

Bingtata · 10/05/2010 21:04

YANBU. Ok, perhaps the high five wasn't really the best idea and I would be trying to teach verbal assertiveness first and foremost, but if a swift kick works, it works. I say that as someone who was bullied to the point of being tied to a fence with skipping ropes, nothing stopped it (including being pulled out of school) until I smacked the lead bully in the face. So you could say I am biased.

2shoes · 10/05/2010 21:11

yanbu
sadly sometimes it is the only thing that works

OrmRenewed · 10/05/2010 21:13

Well what are you going to do when he kicks someone who upsets him in another way - won't share, or says something unkind

junglist1 · 10/05/2010 21:18

My son was told to only hit if someone hits him first. He does differentiate and knows not to bully others. It's important to make that clear.

junglist1 · 10/05/2010 21:20

And also the OP's son has taught the boy a lesson his mother couldn't be arsed to teach him, really, which is when you hurt people there are consequences for it