To refuse to look after child with headlice?

[tortoisefairy]

Basically I look after my Goddaughter (11) twice a week unpaid to help her dad out as her mum is not around. I always feed her too and often have her the night to help out. I have done this since she was 6.

We get on great she is well mannered and a real help with ds1 (4) and ds2 (2). I am 6 months pregnant with ds3.

But what makes my blood boil is the nit situation. A few years ago when she started living with her dad as her mum was not around any more I noticed she had nits. Told her Dad and Grandparents who she lives with and said I was happy to comb her hair weekly, when I could, as long as they treated it and did the same otherwise there was no point. They agreed.

The problem is after all this time the nits remain. I don't check her hair weekly (I am only her Godmother...busy with my own dc etc.) But on saturday her dad said, oh she has nits again. Which makes my blood boil as he happily lets her come round my house and infect my kids who aren't old enough to sit still or understand why I have to put hedrin etc in hair. He believes she gets them at school once he has cleaned her hair? and that she is immune to all the headlice products on the market so only uses tea tree oil to treat.

i have brought him a nit comb, tea tree shampoo and conditioner. I ask her when dad last checked her hair, she says few weeks ago. I confront dad he says no thats wrong she's mistaken Grandma did it 3 days ago etc. I point out grandma is 80, not best eye sight etc.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

So I am at the point where I feel like saying right unless she is nit free she is not coming here anymore.

AIBU?

I know I am not to him, but to her? She can't do her own hair, she needs the stability I bring to her life and I love her.

What would you do?

Thanks

YANBU but you know you are too kind to say no.

As a godparent you promised to lead the child through a religious life, not become a stand in mum.

Just seems to highlight that the guy needs help in all areas of his life, and needs to get all his sh*t in one sock. What will happen when DC3 is born, you may be incapacitated....?

Time to sit him down and tell him to sort his life out.

How distressing for this poor girl, she may well be the pariah of the school because of this, he needs to take charge.

Can you get goddaughter to treat her own hair at home with the products you bought for her? My DD is 11 and she conditions and puts a preventative nit comb through her own hair when she washes it in the shower.

(This thread is making my head itch)

I've been in this situation with my foster daughter. YANBU to feel as you do, and I don't think anyone, me included, would judge you if refused to see your goddaughter until this is sorted. Ultimately, she's not your responsibility.

However, despite my frustration, I continued to see my foster daughter and combed her hair every time I saw her. Whatever point you manage to drive home to your god-daughter's father will be completely overshadowed by the rejection your god-daughter will feel. That's not your fault, I know, but knowing that it's her dad's fault isn't going to make her feel any better. It's not her fault either, but I'm pretty certain she'll feel as though she's the one being 'punished' or that she's 'not loveable enough' for you to see her when she has nits.

On a more practical note, have you tried the nitty gritty comb? I have found that three combing sessions, each one three days after the last one, cures any head of nits. The nitty gritty comb is the only one that I have found to do this and believe me, I have tried them all (including a bizarre one that claimed to electrocute the little blighters but just ended up giving electric shocks to the poor child!)

Hope you resolve things.

I think it would be unfair for her to miss out on her visits to you, after all, like you say, it is not her fault and she cannot do her own hair with treatments etc. Though she could use the nit comb in the shower etc? - even though she is unlikely to clear them all, it may help a bit. And if you had time, maybe you could check everytime she is at yours.

Hope things get sorted soon!

i bought nitfree combs (about £10 each) for each of my children having researched the lifestyle of lice. the only real way to treat the blighters is to break the breeding cycle and that means combing them out. at 11 she is capable (if perhaps you initially show her) of putting conditioner in her hair and scraping the little suckers out. she will need to do it every 3 days and whilst it wont cure instantly within 3 weeks she ought to have very very few or even none left. once she gets to secondary school though the way they interact with school friends changes enough that it ought to halt the reinfestation rate. keep loving her!

I suspect it is not just the hair. If she is to become nit free, he needs to change and wash her linen, wash all the clothes (including coats and hats) that she has been using recently, etc. He needs to treat himself, as who knows, maybe she has spread the nits to him (and grandma) and they keep reinfecting her?

If he cant be bothered to even check her hair, then I doubt he bother doing all the other things.

you had better get used to seeing your kids with headlice....once they are in school full time this will happen over and over....what you going to do then?? because believe me,not ALL parents will treat their kids and rid them....so your dc will be infected over and over.....you cant refuse to send them in to school,and school cant demand the other parents treat their kids

and then there are threadworms......

I would put nit lotion on her myself if she arrives with them.

Give her some tea tree shampoo and conditioner. Tell her to comb every 3 days until they are gone then once a week.

Have tried everything having 3 dds and the best thing is hedrin - combing takes weeks.Hedrin applied for 8 hours then again a week later will clear them.And she must keep hair tied back at school.Why not get some,ask her dad to pay you back,and apply it yourself.

Thanks everyone. As my children are not at school, i don't know if I should believe the 'everyone has them all the time' line. Other friends of mine (mothers!) with older children say if combed regularly and treated occasionally they should at some point go.

I have decided after having it out with her dad to continue to see her and treat her myself. I have brought her the nitty gritty comb last year and use that one myself. Agree it's the best one. I have Hedrined the whole family so we are nit free and will do so again in a week and I'm going to check her hair religiously now.

It just annoys me when I find big adult nits ( approx 30 last time I combed her hair...) as I should only be finding small nits and eggs if her hair is being done twice a week? Am i wrong in this assumption?

I am also going to tell her to do it herself in between her vistis to me. Poor little thing. She is so grown up for her age given everything she has been through, so I know she will be able to have a go at it.

Cat64, I know but what else can I do?

I have her mondays and fridays, so she will have to do in between. I saw her at school this morning and didn't kiss her because I thought, I've only just got rid of nits, (I have long thick hair!) until I know she is free from them then I will restrict my head to head contact. This upsets me alot but I have to try and break this cycle. I just wish she was my daughter as then I could kick ass more effectively...sigh.....

It is true that once they start school they get nits, DS1 is a taxi for them. He's had them constantly since reception and he's 8 now. I treat it, comb every day, treat again, and so on, it's soul destroying.

DS2 hardly ever gets them and I do occasionally from DS1.

I think if you were to comb every time you saw her, you might break the cycle, and perhaps persuade HER to talk to her dad?

tortoisefairy you sound very kind. Am glad you're still having your goddaughter despite the nits. It does sound like she's not getting treated that often at home though, especially if you're finding that many adult lice when you comb. My dd had nits on and off for months despite mine and dh's best efforts - but we never found that many large ones, except for maybe the first time. Some kids do seem to get them worse than others though. Hedrin is the best stuff - that's what we ended up using! I used the gel which was a real PITA to get out - but it did work. Used the nitty gritty as well, and we're still using the lice repellent shampoo and conditioner.

the large ones can be what have crawled into her hair from contact with others. i wouldnt think 30 of them would,but thats how they transfer...

Nitty gritty comb, hedrin every 3 days til they go,then tea tree shampoo-get the australian brand from health food shops with the bright greeny yellow label as it has tea tree essential oil-not any of the tea tree scented ones like alberto balsalm. This should help.

I would also show her how to do a boil wash on her (and her dad's) bedding and towels and wash her own brush and comb, check hair clips/bobbles, etc. Poor girl, you are doing the right thing looking after her.

My dd constantly gets nits, and yet ds never gets them.

We keep combing, and generally manage to clear it, but they soon come back, she's a magnet.

And yes, it's extremely prevalent at the dcs school