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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel nervous about this holiday?

33 replies

cherrymama · 10/05/2010 16:36

We are going on holiday in a few weeks to our holiday house on the coast.Me,DH,DS(6) and DD (8 months).

Our two good friends who don't have kids are coming too.

Trouble is they want to bring their Weimaraner puppy.I feel so anxious about this. Our DD is at grabbing everything stage and DS has received therapy for a dog phobia which he seems finally to have conquered.The dog has no experience with kids.

Also nervous dog will chew up furniture,wires,etc - it's family's holiday house so others would be annoyed at this too.

My mum said these dogs are not great with kids.Would IBU to ask them not to bring dog?I fear though it would affect our friendship,they love the dog so much.But I think it might spoil our holiday.They are so hospitable to us as friends and have us to stay often.But I don't know if I can risk the kids safety.

OP posts:
minipie · 10/05/2010 16:43

I don't think YABU at all, but realistically, if they can't bring their new puppy, they probably won't come - what else could they do with it?

Is there any way the dog could be kept in one part of the house only (eg kitchen)? That way at least it could be dog proofed and if the kids don't get on with it they have an escape option.

If not... This is kind of weedy but could you say that your family (i.e. the others who share the house) have said "no pets"?

Downdog · 10/05/2010 16:48

Friend of mine had one of these puppies a few years ago - they are gorgeous but very active & bouncy, scatty & distracted.

If you ask your friends to leave the dog behind I doubt they will come on holiday with you.

Could you have a word before you go about your concerns re possible damaged furniture & the kids & puppy etc and together make a plan as to how you are going to handle the situation.

It will probably be in their minds to as they are going on holiday to someone's family cottage, with a recently recovered dogphobic & a young ground dwelling child - surely they have given it some thought too & prob have a plan in mind as to how puppy will fit in.

As bouncy as the puppy is I very much doubt it would be a danger to your kids, but it's not good for you to go on holiday feeling that it might be.

whatwasthatagain · 10/05/2010 16:53

I think you should ask them not to bring the dog. Puppies and small children don't mix. We bought a puppy a couple of years and my DD, then 8 was quite scared of him as he used to mouth her all the time, with sharp puppy teeth which can hurt. Puppies do not respect children, and if one of them has a phobia it sounds like a recipe for disaster. Good luck!

belgo · 10/05/2010 16:55

This is why holidays with friends are so difficult.

Do you organise the holiday before or after they got the puppy?

girlywhirly · 10/05/2010 17:29

Tell them the house and garden are not dog proofed, as well as other family members not being keen as it's their house too, and the childs' dog phobia is still so recent.

What is wrong with boarding kennels? Will it be a relaxing holiday for the puppy owners if they have to be constantly vigilant with the dog?

Original poster
cherrymama · 10/05/2010 17:37

We arranged the holiday before they got the dog.

I tried to hint to my friend we were nervous but she said the puppy is well trained and it will all be fine,doesn't change the fact it has no experience with children though.She said if there were any problems they would leave,it doesn't reassure me much,by then it could have bitten the baby!

One of these dogs has killed a toddler before - in its family.

OP posts:
etchasketch · 10/05/2010 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

violethill · 10/05/2010 17:45

Can you just say that there's a blanket 'No dogs' rule as its a holiday home? Many properties don't allow pets after all.

compo · 10/05/2010 17:47

you have to stand your ground and say while they are welcome the puppy isn't due to your ds' phobia
if they don't want to be friends after that then really it is no loss to you

you need to be firm

or get dh to do it

StillSquiffy · 10/05/2010 17:56

How old is the puppy? The age is very important in terms of where it's development is. At certain stages puppies have to chew things and their teeth are like razors. But a puppy can be properly trained at a very early age too.

I have had 2 weineramas, and neither of them would have been ok around babies at the very young puppy stage. Not in terms of mortal danger ('killing babies' would not have endeared me to a friend if they had said scaremongering stuff like that), but in terms of their general exuberance as puppies. These are sizeable strong puppies and if you have a dog-phobe in the family it is not a good combo.

I would suggest either that you go over there with your kids and see how trained it is and how behaved around them or you phone them and pretend that there has been some kind of dog 'incident' that has set your DS off again and that you are really worried. They probably won't mind but they may well cancel (I would never put a young puppy in a kennel situation and think that is quite a cruel thing to do to a puppy). Maybe they can get a house sitter or something? Or they can leave it with me - we miss having them round the house since our last died of old age

belgo · 10/05/2010 19:27

be firm. They are being unreasonable because they booked the holiday with you before they got the puppy.

It's your holiday home, say dogs aren't allowed. They should have thought about the holiday before getting the puppy. T

babywalks · 10/05/2010 19:48

I would tell them they cannot bring the puppy. My DD is almost 1 and I am always very weary about dogs being near her. I know everyone has different views on dogs and children mixing but you have said you feel nervous about the holiday and really do you want to spend your holiday worrying about where the puppy is, paranoid that if you look away for a minute the puppy could start bouncing about near your DD, who as you say is at the grabbing everything stage. Plus your DS has only just got over his dog phobia, have you asked how he would feel about having the puupy there on his holiday? He may feel quite worried and anxious himself.

I knew someone who had one of these dogs years ago, it seemed very loving and playful but now that I have a child and another on the way, I have a totally different view to dogs and just wouldn't feel comfortable spending my family holiday with a new puppy who has had no experience with young children.

Original poster
cherrymama · 10/05/2010 20:55

They live far away from us so we wouldn't be able to do a trial run unfortunately.
My gut feeling is that the dog shouldn't come - our kids are too precious to risk it. I just need to work out how to get this through and make them realise for themselves it won't work rather than me having to say "you can't bring the puppy" - though ultimately if they don't take the hint I'll have to say that.
Thanks for all the advice!

OP posts:
junglist1 · 10/05/2010 20:57

Can't they buy a baby doll as a tester or something? See how he acts around it etc

Ripeberry · 10/05/2010 21:02

It's YOUR holiday home. Lay down the rules.
If it has to come, then bring along a baby gate and keep it in the kitchen.
Don't allow it in the rest of the house.
If they can't bear to use a Kennel, why not get a pet sitter?
Sounds like they are getting a free holiday anyway

tootyflooty · 10/05/2010 21:13

Just say the rest of your family are very strict on it remainig a pet free home, and you have to respect that. I personally think its a bit of a cheek to assume they can bring the dog, childless or not. could they not rent somewhere near by if leaving the dog is an issue, or findlocal kennels so the dog could be out with them during the day and kenneled at night.

Vallhala · 10/05/2010 21:21

I'm a dog owner and normally on the dog's side. However, regardless of how well trained the pup is, it's your home and therefore your choice if you don't want him there. If you're not happy with the idea, say no, and if they're real friends they will respect your choice. Even I would and I'm mad about my dogs!

But please don't assume he's a potential killer because one of the breed did something awful. Judge on the individual, just as you would a human.

cloelia · 10/05/2010 21:26

Young puppies can't go for long walks either, so it would be around the house the whole time. I do have another idea: could the friends find a kennel nearby the holiday house and the puppy could spend most of its time in the kennel and they visit it/play with it etc? I have a dog and have had small children and I think this sounds a potentially tricky mix. I think it is , on balance, a situation where you have to say no.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2010 21:29

your home, your choice

tell them straight...pussy-footing around it will create more resentment, not less, tbh

they might be a bit taken-aback at first (pfp and all that...precious first puppy) but if they are good friends they will get over it

there is no way I would compromise not being relaxed on my family holiday by not having the balls to speak up

fedupwithdeployment · 10/05/2010 21:31

I have just dog sat for a friend's 3 month old lab puppy. She is gorgeous - but does nip a bit and jump up as puppies do. The boys 3 and 5, were pretty wary and I had to watch them 100% of the time or put the dog in the kitchen / outside. I will def have her again...but in your situation I would be nervous.

Good luck - I think the suggestions re house rules etc are best.

harimo · 10/05/2010 21:35

Haven't read all the replies, but I would let them bring the dog.

They sound like responsible owners.

I have a choc lab who has been around my two babies from birth (even though he was my only baby until he was 5). Never a problem.

Obviously they will need close consideration (as ALL children will need at ALL time ANYWAY) so what difference it makes is to me.

harimo · 10/05/2010 21:37

I justLOVE the 'tell them straight PoV... Anyfucker*...

Yet, anyone dare MENTION they don't want kids about... = totally different response.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2010 22:03

harimo...I would be polite when I "told them straight"

I would not say "look, fuck off with your fucking stinking mutt..."

it might be more like "look guys, I feel really uncomfortable having the dog around. I am sorry but I would prefer it if he didn't come with you..."

BritFish · 11/05/2010 01:42

Whatwasthatagain...
"I think you should ask them not to bring the dog. Puppies and small children don't mix. We bought a puppy a couple of years and my DD, then 8 was quite scared of him as he used to mouth her all the time, with sharp puppy teeth which can hurt. Puppies do not respect children, and if one of them has a phobia it sounds like a recipe for disaster. Good luck! "

you do still have the dog dont you? please tell me you didnt give the dog away....

and yeah, i agree, puppies are bloody hard work, not quite as hard as children in the long run but v hard, yet telling a puppy not to come is fine, if it were kids you'd be like noooo!
thats a thing, we should have a puppies&kids at weddings thread. cant think of many differences between the two....

OP, you should ask your DS about it. and base your decision on what he says, because it may be good for him to spend time with a dog that isnt a threat....

sunnydelight · 11/05/2010 05:28

I can't believe they want to bring the dog tbh - I really don't think they have through it through. I have a six month old springer spaniel pup (and three kids) and I find it SO stressful when other kids come here who don't like dogs. If children squeal or try to run away of course the puppy thinks they want to play.

If the pup is still at the nippy stage (and they all go through it) it's a recipe for disaster. I do think you are going to have to bring yourself to have a friendly, but firm, conversation with your friends, otherwise you're going to spend your holiday keeping kids and dog apart and everyone will ebnd up feeling hard done by. Good luck!