Not sure how to start this but have a very poor relationship with parents, history of physical and emotional abuse when I was a teenager, periods of estrangement, mother with NPD and alcohol isses.
Have two dds, oldest one they doted on and always came to see her on her birthday, spent time with etc, youngest one they are quite off hand with. Incidents of petty cruelties and snubs, digs and playing me off against sibling occur regularly, but until now neither dd has been targeted.
Last year my dad had a knee replacement and my mother told me to keep out of the way, didnt even tell me when he came home from hospital, then accused me of not caring as I waited for an invite to see him, as asked!
This year he needs the other doing so I said I would keep out of the way again unless he felt differently, she rang and went on about not taking the children to see him as it wasn't suitable and I said yes I know that is what I put in the email. She then put the phone down on me and i havent heard from her since.
A week later she rang our home to leave a message for my dd to wish her happy birthday at a time she knew she would be at school, then told her when dd rang back in the evening that they couldn't see her for her birthday on Saturday as they were food shopping?!! (they live 40 min away) She sent a card with no mention of dds name also. She is busy telling my sister how awful I am as I have apparently "refused to have anything to do with fathers operation". My dd is really hurt, my dh is furious with them and I am also, my instinct is to send a card only (maybe with no name in it!) and leave them to it, or is that too nasty?!