to be upset that my mum has not phoned since my miscarriage!

[feelingreallypeeved]

I miscarried two weeks ago at 10 weeks. The baby would have been my 4th child. The pregnancy wasn't planned and it took a bit of getting used to. But once I'd got over the shock I was happy and very upset when I miscarried. I discussed my worries with my mother and sister, such as the impact on our 3 children, money etc. These are the 2 people that I thought I could trust. The day before my miscarriage was confirmed by scan, I told my sister that I'd miscarried and her reply was that I'd brought it on myself and that it was basically my fault as I hadn't been that excited. My mum phoned a few hours later, by this time I was in bed with bad cramps. She was sympathetic and I told her what my sister had said and I could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't very happy with what my sister had said. I phoned my mum the next day and told her what had happened at the hospital, she was sorry. However I haven't heard from her since. It's been 10 days and I haven't heard from her. AIBU to expect at least one phonecall from my mother to see how I am.

So sorry for you loss, yanbu- please dont listen to what your sister said- there is nothing you could have done.

Your mum may be trying to give you some space- not know how to react. It sounds like you could really do with a big hug and a chat with her- the only way mums know how to- so whay don't you drive over- or call her.

Please dont be upset on your own

So sorry about the mc. Of course you didn't bring it on - what a terrible thing for your sister to say. As for your mum, it could just be that she is of the generation that didn't talk about these things. She may need you to tell her you need to talk with her. She may be being respectful of your privacy, or she may genuinely not realise how distressing the mc is for you. Perhaps she's not experienced one, or may even think that you could be secretly relieved not to be expecting another. Call her.

I'm really sorry about the miscarriage. It was wrong of your sister to say you brought it on. When I miscarried my baby was due on Dec 21st and I was really scared about having a baby on Christmas day and kind of worrying about them only ever getting one present (silly really). Then when I miscarried I struggled with this feeling that I hadn't quite wanted it enough to hold onto it.

I dunno maybe your mum thinks you need time to yourself. It's hard for people to know what to say. My mum thought I should be over it a week later.

Very sorry to hear this.

And you have my sympathy and I know how you feel as my mother won't acknowledge my miscarriages either.

(And she won't acknowledge that I was raped in Russia -- apart to say it was 'the rubbing of parts')

I think loss can really make people even close family feel uneasy and unsure of how to react. It could also be a generational thing. Nowadays people are more frank when it comes to miscarriage.

But I'm upset and frustrated with my mother as she knows what it's like to have the boot on the other foot. My father, her husband, killed himself and she despaired of people crossing the road to avoid her.

I wish you and your family all the best xxxx

sorry to hear about your miscarraige. I agree with others sister was just plain rude but your mum may just need to know your ready for that hug from her.

I'm sorry to hear of your sad news FRP.

I would almost bet that your sister is not a mother herself.
We put so much guilt on ourselves as mothers,that I'm surprised we're able to stand up at all sometimes!
You know you did nothing wrong.
As a mum of 3DCs also, I can put myself in your shoes re the shock finding out about DC4 (i've often wondered how I'd feel if I found myself pg again).You don't deserve what your sister said.It was cruel and thoughtless.
As for your Mum,just talk to her,cry with her,whatever you feel.It sounds like you have a good strong relationship generally.She's probably just waiting for you to be ready to call her.
Go for it.Good luck girl.

so sorry to hear about your mc. Lost 5 myself before having dd (all at between 9 - 12 weeks).

There's nothing you could have done and you most definitely didn't bring it on yourself (unless you've been skydiving / trampolining / mountain climbing and not told us).

But yes, I agree with the other posters that sometimes mum's don't know what to say - my own mum was ok but m.i.l. whilst sympathetic didn't really say much after the first one.

Ring your mum, explain how you feel - she may not have realised - then curl up with dh and let yourself grieve.

poor you, I sympathise hugely. After my mc my Mum just asked how I was physically ie no specific medical problems = all ok then; I felt a huge emotional gap but she also passed comment some time later that maybe I shouldn't have rushed to tell people, albeit only a few, as if that secrecy would have been a better option. Sometimes as others have said your Mum may just not know how to deal with it. If she's the sort of person who would normally support you then do let her know you need that support. Best wishes to you.

[hugs]

sorry to hear about your loss. firstly it was not your fault and your sister should never have said that, and if she believes that to be true, tell her she is deluded.

now to your mum, i suppose there could be 2 options:

1. phone your mum and tell her how you are feeling and get it out in the open, see what response you get. then take it from there.

1. dont phone then when she makes contact, you tell her your very upset that you didnt feel she was there.

i really hope you can work through this. and there are people out there that can help you if you feel you need it. as it does sound like you need to speak to someone.

You poor thing , so sorry for your loss. I mc'd twice at 10 weeks, both unexpected pregnancies and I remember all too well the mixture/rollercoaster of emotions I went through, having already had 2DC's and remarried and DH wasn't working...

It is a time when you really need your Mum. Your sister was definitely out of order, there's no way this was yours or anybody elses fault. Give your mum a call or text and ask her if she's free for a chat or even a hug - what Mum would refuse their daughter this!?

((hugs)) xx