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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be confused and can you think of any reason why?

24 replies

crunchyleaf · 09/05/2010 22:30

I will try to cut this short. My Ex Husband and I have split. Ex Husband was manipulative, verbally agressive, violent to me, and assaulted me while I was pg with my DS. Ex Husband showed me up with my friends, by telling them I had talked about them nastily, he never earnt any money and used all of my things until they were broken. I had to buy new. Ex Husband was unfaithful and would look at porn and bestilty on the pc, and search google for women and dogs. He was also a liar.

Anyway we split 2 years ago, and I got residence because Ex Husband had nowhere to live apart from his fathers house, no room for DC.

Since then Ex Husband has got himself a new girlfriend and moved into her house with her DC. Now he wants our DC to go and live with him and his new lady who I never met.

The strangest thing has happened though. My Ex husband has been to see afriend of mine, who he has had no time for ever before and he doesn't like because she is a cannabis heavcy smoker and my Ex Husband is very against drugs, and he has given my friend a big bag of grass and told her not to tell me. She lives next door but after he been round, I didnt see her for 2 weeks.
He told my friend dont say i never give you anything.

Myfriend is a hermit, lowself esteem, and no money so she told him she had no money to pay. My Ex Husband has never ever in 9 years of marriage ever given anyone anything for nothing, and my friend knows this, but my friend loves smoking weed, and now i dont know why if Ex Husband had some to give away, why would he give it to my friend and neighbour. She has asked me not to tell him i know.
My friend does not put me first when it comes to men. For some reason, I feel abi worried. Maybe I will avoid my friend.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 09/05/2010 22:33

avoid them both,and let him take you to court for access!

Original poster

crunchyleaf · 09/05/2010 22:34

And I am surprised my Ex Husband even had grass in his pocket.

It all is a little strange. Ex Husband might have stolen it and then had to get rid of it fast maybe??

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 09/05/2010 22:36

no idea...

ASecretLemonadeDrinkerDAVE · 09/05/2010 22:37

Dob him in for dealing

BelleDameSansMerci · 09/05/2010 22:38

Could you report him for dealing?

Bizarre. Really bizarre.

AnyFucker · 09/05/2010 22:40

Don't give either of them the time of day

He will never get custody...you can never trust your friend

Why are you trying to analyse this ?

Why give it headspace ?

larks35 · 09/05/2010 22:42

Maybe your ex is setting your neighbour up as a snitch witness for your forthcoming residency case? Maybe??

hairymelons · 09/05/2010 22:45

Sounds v dodgy. Avoid your friend if you can't trust her to put you first. Keep notes on exH's odd behaviour.

kickassangel · 09/05/2010 22:45

is he hoping you'll be round there one day & he can report you both to the police, then get residency?

is he hoping to get into your friend's good books/knickers, and find out something about you that he could use against you?

avoid them both.

AnyFucker · 09/05/2010 22:50

why speculate ?

It is not your problem

keep your nose clean and ignore

fartytowels · 09/05/2010 22:55

don't dob him in - it's still your son's dad.

He's obviously plotting something, distance yourself from both.

Why is she having him the house anyhoo? Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

GypsyMoth · 09/05/2010 22:58

does he have access?

Original poster

crunchyleaf · 09/05/2010 23:11

Hello again and thanks for your views. They are most helpful.

My friend always has him in the house when he crys or is sad because she cant say No to anyone really. She would rather avoid people than say No. This is why she does not go out or talk to anyone.

She is very alone and only normally sees her mother every week.

Ex Husband has access but has not seen DS for 13 weeks now since he moved in with new lady.

I have had a few troubles with this friend when she was convinced she had a rich gangster boyfriend who was going to protect her and look after her. Of course it was not true. she has an over active mind. I dont see her very often because she never comes out, and i dontwant to take my DS to her house because of the cannabis smoking in her house. I have not taken DS into her house.

She has had sex with men for cannabis before so when my Ex Husband gave her it for nothing, she took it. I know she did not sleep with him on that day because he dropped off DS and went straight round there and he had to drive past my house to get to hers and I saw him go 10 minutes later. Not long enough to have sex I dont think.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 09/05/2010 23:14

so this bag was dropped off 13 weeks ago....last time he saw your ds?

AnyFucker · 09/05/2010 23:17

You are starting to sound a bit kerr-razee, tbh

Time to leave this thread, for me

Original poster

crunchyleaf · 09/05/2010 23:22

Yes and my friend has been to see me 2 weeks after this and then not again. Now my Ex husband has phoned me to tellme he wants DS to live with him all of the time and this has made me wonder about the last time DS and i saw him and what happened with my friend and why is she not coming to see me and why did my Ex husband do this.

My friend said she would tell me if Ex husband went to her house again, but she has not said anything.

When I last saw her, she asked me not to say anything to Ex husband or anyone else.

OP posts:

Original poster

crunchyleaf · 09/05/2010 23:22

Why am I sounding kerr razee?

OP posts:

fartytowels · 09/05/2010 23:40

I think he is using her as a spy, my husband's ex did this with one of his friends, got him to relay all info back to her about what was going on in our lives.

To be honest - you have a friend wh osleeps with men for drugs. FGS ditch her, do you want your DC hanging out in that environment.

Go get some new nice friends without baggage or knowledge of your creepy ex.

thesecondcoming · 09/05/2010 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 10/05/2010 00:05

Hmmm not sure either TSC......sounds a bit eastenderish now

Original poster

crunchyleaf · 10/05/2010 08:28

I am sorry it is ridiculous but not made up.

Thank you very much for all your help. I will not see my friend anymore. I felt bad for my friend, she has no friends. but i have to look after me and DS.

I know my friend has mind health problems but i think i have many problems of my own too.

Thank you all. I will go back to lurking now. )

OP posts:

marriednotdead · 10/05/2010 08:34

Your friend and ex both sound dangerous,and he will not get custody of your child!

sparklefrog · 10/05/2010 08:38

Not so unbelieveable imo. I have a friend who has taken so many drugs throughout the years that she has mental health issues now, paranoia, anxiety, aggression amongst other things.

I avoid tbh.

In my case, this friend would do almost anything for some free drugs and readily admits this. She also has no loyalty to anyone. Drugs, when she can get them are her only friend.

It is very sad, but for your sake and your DS's sake, avoid avoid avoid.

Lonnie · 10/05/2010 08:52

Ignore the whole weed issue
and sit back look after your child as I'm sure that you are then wait for him to make proceeds towards getting custody

(I do not belive any court in the country will permit a parrent whom havent seen their child for 13 weeks to get permanent custody unless there is some serious issues at home)

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