I've known this person since we were teenagers, her Dad used to work with my Dad and we lived a few streets away from each other. We always got on OK and have continued our friendship as the years have gone by. Her and her partner are DH's friends too and we've often got together for evenings and had a brilliant laugh. When I had DD2, she fell in love with her and was very supportive etc, but she kept buying her outfits and clothes (DD2 was in and out of hospital for the first six months). One time, she brought an outfit round, then told me it was £8 and did I need change from a tenner, I was gobsmacked!!! I've always said, "you shouldn't have" and stressed it, because we can't afford to buy things for her - we have 3 children to feed whereas she has 3 cats and a dog...
So, last year on her birthday, DH and I were going through an extremely rough time - in fact I had thrown him out because he was severely addicted to cannabis and I couldn't cope with it anymore (long story!). He stayed over there a couple of nights, then in a hotel as he needed to get away from other smokers. I'm proud to say that he has been clean for a year now (apart from the odd joint here and there that I've found out about after but he was smoking @ 20joints a day before). Anyway, I digress, it was her birthday and DH was round there, but things were friendly, so I went round and gave her a card and spent a little while there. A few days later I got a text telling me she felt hard done by because she buys stuff for us all the time but I didn't get her anything for her birthday! I replied saying I thought she would appreciate me turning up under the circumstances, and that I hadn't been in any fit state to go out shopping and had been skint. (which she knew because DH had given them money for food when he stayed over). I got her a few little bits a few days later and apologised.
In the year since then, we haven't seen as much of them - in fact the last time we went round, she sparked up a joint while we had DD2 with us, in the same room!!! We made a hasty exit of course! There have been times when she has needed a lift or something, and I've happily given her a lift, we even lent them our car when I was recovering from my hysterectomy - it was just sat there so it was no cost to us. When she did her knee in, she rang me and I rushed round there and took her to hospital, and took her to the follow up appointments, physio etc. I just thought this was friendship and didn't think twice about it.
So, a few weeks ago, I thought I'd best get her something for her birthday after last years antics. I found a few little things on ebay (not much money wise but I was sure she would like them!). I even checked with her DP whether I should get the fridge magnet or the keyring, he said a keyring... Royal Fail took its time with one of them and it wasn't here in time for her birthday, I was gutted and explained that I was waiting for something to turn up for her.
I should say, that on our birthdays, we are expected to go round there and collect our presents, when I've told her she really doesn't need to get us presents, a card will do. So, her birthday comes, I texted her to say happy birthday, she had previously said she would be leaving the house straight away that morning so I wouldn't be able to drop her pressie off as she wouldn't be there. She replied saying she would be in for the next hour or so - but I had a migraine so couldn't possibly have driven. I knew she was disappointed, and so was I but what could I do!!?? So I said I'd wait for the other bit of her pressie to arrive and drop it off when it did. Then she posted on fb that her DP had got her a keyring and she couldn't believe it as she had just got rid of a load - OH MY GOODNESS!!! After all that, she really didn't want a bloody keyring, but it was of her favourite character so I thought I'd still have to give it and tell her if she wanted me to change it, I'd be happy to.
So, when it arrived, I texted her to say it was here - I knew she was in because she's been having work done on the house so I suggested I pop round with it. She asked if I could post it because the house isn't visitor friendly - I said of course...
So, it got posted through the letterbox inbetween me picking up kids and dropping off stuff and doing all sorts of things as DH has done his back in.
Then yesterday morning, I thought I'd check if she got it or not, but then saw on fb that her status reads something like this: Doesn't know what to say but now knows what some people think of her!!
DH commented saying that I was worried she was talking about me and that we thought she liked the particular character that the keyring was... No reply...
Then DH got a message from her saying that she got me a lovely pair of shoes for my birthday and that she felt hard done by and that it wasn't fair!!!!! We were fuming - I haven't even mentioned all the other things we've done for her, because as far as I'm concerned I don't tot up theses things, friendship isn't about that!!!
I have sent her a message telling her I'm devastated that she thinks that material things reflect what I think of somebody, and whatever happened to 'its the thought that counts', and that I'd rather call it a day because I will not be judged by what I've bought people, I really didn't think she was that shallow and that I'm gutted. Also I'm really hurt that she posted it all over fb - how childish is that!!!!
I'm hurt and angry but writing it out here has really helped, well done if you've got this far lol!!!
AIBU!!??
PLP