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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend is picking on me?

27 replies

BettyButterknife · 07/05/2010 19:37

I'm 30 weeks pregnant with DS2, and have a friend who is 34 weeks with her second.

Since telling her about my pregnancy, she's made loads of comments about my appearance. I've always said I grow an enormous bump, because of a large fibroid, and have also said I'm quite conscious of it. Either she's forgotten or is deliberately trying to upset me. I think.

Comments she's made to me include:
Saying her DH couldn't believe the size of my bump
Saying her DH thought I looked 'as shit' as she did
Regularly going on and on about how tired I look
Offering me a pair of maternity jeans that are too big for her but might fit me which DH found hilarious as he thinks she is definitely not smaller than me IYSWIM
A friend came over to me at a playgroup and said how blooming she thought I looked and how it suited me. This was in earshot of friend in question, who not 5 minutes later started pulling at my hair saying it was 'all tangled and messy'

She sent me a text the other day asking how I was, and I replied saying I was getting fed up with all the 'big bump' comments. Today I saw her and she gave me a 'poor you' look across the room before gesturing at my bump and saying 'LOOK AT YOU!!!' really loudly. She also made reference to another friend about how someone she knows looks amazing in pregnancy, 'not like me and Betty'. I said 'speak for yourself' which she just laughed off.

It's made me start wearing more make up than I normally would, as I feel so self-conscious that people think I look terrible.

AIBU or just a bit over-sensitive and pregnant? Or is she really taking the piss?

OP posts:
Original poster
BettyButterknife · 07/05/2010 19:37

Oh and if the latter, what should I do about it|?

OP posts:
catinboots · 07/05/2010 19:39

Tell her to fuck right off. You obviously look fabulous and she's jealous as hell.

withorwithoutyou · 07/05/2010 19:39

She's being a cow.

Especially the "not like me and betty" comment.

She probably feels crap and wants you to feel crap too.

JaneS · 07/05/2010 19:42

Dunno, it just sounds as if she is rather clumsily trying to make you feel less self-conscious by making out that she's feeling exactly the same. It's obviously not working, but I doubt she's picking on you deliberately.

maduggar · 07/05/2010 19:42

Ha ha you obvioulsy look waayyy better than she does

Glitterandglue · 07/05/2010 19:43

She's clearly got some issues of her own. If you've already asked her to lay off because it upsets you (which, let's be honest, you shouldn't have to because most people would recognise how insensitive she's being, but sometimes some people are just socially inept) and she hasn't changed, then I'd just let her know you're going to cut contact with her until she can behave like a reasonable human being.

Exceptions being SN, for example if she's on the autistic spectrum. If she's not then she's just got some stuff going on in her own head she needs to sort out, and you don't need to suffer for it.

Notdirtyenough · 07/05/2010 19:44

This is your 'friend'? I can't imagine any of my lovely friends saying anything like this to me.

She is jealous and I would be distancing myself from such an idiot tbh. True friends don't talk to you like this.

oliviacrumble · 07/05/2010 19:44

She's a total bully.

You are obviously making her feel insecure in some way.

If you can't avoid her, then maybe some plain speaking (from you) is in order?

Horrible of her to make you feel this way!

larks35 · 07/05/2010 19:44

Why is she your friend? She sounds dreadful! Tell her eff right off! She obviously does feel crap but no "friend" treats another like that, do they? Remember, we can choose our friends.

scurryfunge · 07/05/2010 19:47

She is not feeling very confident or glamorous and she wants you to feel the same. It's sort of a backhanded comment to fit in and also make herself feel better. Don't read too much into it.....she is feeling insecure and doesn't want to be alone

etchasketch · 07/05/2010 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

withorwithoutyou · 07/05/2010 19:54

I'm 31 weeks pregnant and don't really relate to worrying about looking like crap when pregnant.

In a way it's a bit of a relief, you don't have to try as you're almost invisible.

I remember walking down the street about a week after DD was born and getting wolf whistled (breastfeeding norks) and suddenly realising I was visible again after months of being a pregnant non entity.

MadamDeathstare · 07/05/2010 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 07/05/2010 20:04

Betty
Is she normally this rude about you or does she 'bring a lot to the party' when not pregnant?

She sounds mean to me, but also quite hormonal.So if you are a bit 'so, so' about her, distance yourself.

I have been pg at the same time as 2 very dear friends and we did 'spat' both before and after Dcs arrival.

Now many years on all is forgiven, and i could never contemplate life without them, but we have all now recognised that we were a bit, well mad, at the time.

good luck with the pg.

Original poster
BettyButterknife · 07/05/2010 20:14

Thanks for all the comments, sounds like I'm not being paranoid.

I'm not sure whether she's normally this rude - she is one of those people who (I think) puts on quite a daffy act, is always laughing about something or another and talking about how silly she is. She often puts her foot in it when talking to people, and I always put it down as just her manner, but the longer I've known her the more I think there might be a bit of malice underneath it all.

I do think she's insecure about herself and does tend to be very ebullient in an attempt to overcompensate.

She and I are the last of our group of antenatal friends to be pregnant for the second time, which I thought would be a nice experience to go through together but I've revised my opinion on that!

I'm not a very confrontational person, but I like your suggestions, MadamDeathstare - I think that could knock it on the head without causing too many ripples within our fairly close circle of friends.

OP posts:
sungirltan · 07/05/2010 20:18

wow she is a massive bitch!

SwissMonsterRavingCheesyParty · 07/05/2010 20:23

I Think your friend has a touch of

You need a catty response, try ' I love my growing belly, it tells the world i'm carrying a precious baby, it's what women were put on this earth to do. It should be celebrated

KiddingAnxiously · 07/05/2010 20:57

Jealousy def.

It is hard but be the better person. You know how you carry a baby and at the end of the day who cares what you look like, you are growing a baby.

Could always burst into tears and say you are more hormonal because of your huge bump?

outnumbered2to1 · 07/05/2010 21:00

jaysus with friends like that who needs enemies? tell her to fuck off and leave you alone or you will use your HUGE BUMP to knock her out....

qwertpoiuy · 07/05/2010 21:04

She is a bully. You need to cut ties with her.

Glitterandglue, I believe I have Aspergers (because my DD has been diagnosed and I recognise her symptoms) but I would never address anybody like that!

Glitterandglue · 07/05/2010 21:12

Not meant as a blanket statement, qwertpoiuy ; just a possibility of a reason seeing as for some they literally would fail to see why comments like that were inappropriate. Some obviously have naturally better social skills than others (especially at the Asperger's end) and others can learn with much effort.

KaraThrace · 07/05/2010 21:14

You are not being oversensitive at all she is being horrid and as others have pointed out she obviously has issues.
I had a colleague at work who was always refering to the ENORMOUS size of my bump when I was pregnant and asking if I could fit in chairs etc.... - she was morbidly obese and not pregnant. It made me furious as I would not dream of commenting on her weight. But I put it down to being jealous.
Avoid and ignore her and enjoy your pregnancy as it will soon be over.

qwertpoiuy · 07/05/2010 21:15

Sorry, sounded harsh, Glitterndglue. Maybe my social skills are not so great after all

Glitterandglue · 07/05/2010 21:22

Haha, not at all qwertpoiuy! I get why my first post could read like that and I have been subjected to much worse on t'internet.

CharlotteYorkGoldenblatt · 07/05/2010 21:32

YANBU she sounds very jealous to me! take it as a compliment

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