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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to be touched...ever...anywhere while pregnant so far, normal or not?

13 replies

Abbybaby76 · 07/05/2010 15:47

Hi anyone out there who may be feeling the same or have any advice,

This is my first post as only shy of 14 weeks with first baby. The whole time I have been pregnant I have had an aversion to being touched. I don't feel loving towards my partner or family and friends and don't like anyone to touch hug or kiss me. It is driving my lovely partner up the wall as he is very physical and misses the intimacy and the lot. I am scared it will wreck the relationship or drive us apart before I've even had the baby. He is trying to be understanding as I am open about how I am feeling but it's still really hard for both of us.
I spoke to my mother today and she admitted she had felt the same but never discussed it with anyone through her pregnancies which made me feel a little better.

Has anyone got advice or has overcome such strong feelings of aversion? Do I just have to roll with it??

I have also been signed off work today and have been given anti-depressants, 10mg of Citalopram for the first time ever as been going through hell at work and been bullied by a manager...this has been going on for 9 months and very confused now what is stress related or related to pregnancy....this baby was a little ill timed, would have loved to be in a better state before this but this is life...need advice as to how to move forward and look forward to it...

OP posts:

FairyCakeBump · 07/05/2010 15:51

The touching thing is completely normal. I can't bear it either. It was worse for me at the beginning of the pregnancy (39+3 now) but as I got further on, I relaxed a little bit more and I can have hugs now, but only with my partner. I can't sit next to anyone though and the thought of my face being touched, or kissing, makes me feel physically ill.

I'm sorry about the depression, I hope the citalopram works for you. x

olderandwider · 07/05/2010 15:58

Hi Abbybaby76, so sorry you are having a tough time.

I can't say I had similar feelings during pregnancy, but perhaps others will be along soon who have and who can share their experiences.

Are you are normally a fairly reserved person, physically and emotionally? If so, the fact of your depression, problems at work and ambivalence about the timing of your pregnancy may have pushed you into a sort of survival mode. You feel you have nothing left for anyone else, you are just struggling to keep afloat and so you have withdrawn from others' demands? Just a theory.

I hope the ADs help you. I would say keep talking to your partner and seek support from anyone who you think can help you. Counselling might be beneficial. You can ask for this through your GP but there may be a waiting list. Wishing you well with everything.

KiddingAnxiously · 07/05/2010 16:19

Abby, I was completely the same through all three of my pregnancies, I do have a strong sense of personal space normally.

My husband/sister/mother etc have never en roached on that space before, but definitely while I was pregnant.

I would only mention certain things to my husband as I felt it would hurt him to know the full extent.

ConnorTraceptive · 07/05/2010 16:23

I hated being touched too in the early months, mostly because of morning sickness and generally feeling unwell.

I got better later on in pregancy but again in labour dh was sent to sit quietly in a corner! (until i needed someone to bite)

Chulita · 07/05/2010 16:35

I hated it with my first, I found even the smell of DH made me physically sick. We didn't touch or hug much for that pregnancy and he found it very difficult. I'm normally an extremely cuddly person so it was the opposite of what he was used to in the relationship. This time round I'm definitely off certain things but I love my hugs again. DH did resent DD for a long time because he felt he lost me to her - not easy but it does happen to some people. We tried to spend a lot of time together chatting etc even if we didn't have the physical contact. It wasn't fun for DH at all but it's only for a limited (if horrible) period of time.
Hope you manage to work something out, and that your DH stays patient and loving, that's the most important thing!

MamaMary · 07/05/2010 16:57

I didn't like being close to DH in the first few months of this pregnancy. He would want to snuggle up to me in bed, etc, and I would have to refuse - I told him I felt 'claustrophobic' (cos that's how it felt). I also went off sex, just doing it to please him when I could bear it. Now, at 27 weeks, I'm totally different - the claustrophobia has gone and I'm totally up for it! Pregnancy hormones are weird, but just bear in mind that that's all it is and it will pass.

Mishy1234 · 07/05/2010 17:26

I am the same, more in this pregnancy that the first. I hate having people physically near me (apart from DS) and can't stand DH touching my bump, which is upsetting for him.

That said, I've never been a huggy/kissy person anyway and can't abide all the false kissing hello which goes on amongst our circle of friends.

You have my sympathy, it's not pleasant to go through and difficult for your DH too.

DragonMamiCooksWelshCakes · 07/05/2010 17:31

Sorry you're having a hard time. IME citalopram is very handy stuff.

The no touching thing happened to me too. It may change as your pregnancy progresses. Mine changed to "You can come within 12 feet of me if you're DH or a medical person. Anyone else can bugger right off." I wasn't keen on people touching DD when she was tiny either. It's probably a primal protection thing.

beccas · 07/05/2010 17:42

Totally normal. Now pregnant with 2nd and same thing again.
However, i love having my poor tired feet rubbed! Keep talking, esp with the depression. It wont' be long although it does feel like it and you will be out of the work situation soon enough so try to glean some sense of hope about that.

Original poster

Abbybaby76 · 07/05/2010 18:03

Thank you for your time and incredibly helpful comments everyone.

I'm bowled over that people have responded and it's made me feel better already. (just to know it's normal).

I take it I can't do anything to change it and will just have to try and sort myself out and make myself emotionally available to him even though I won't be physically for the time being. At the moment I appear to be taking out all the horror and stress from work out on him as well and he feels emotionally battered so fingers crossed these pills and therapy do the trick.

I have been referred for therapy of some kind by the GP and am waiting for the initial meeting where they decide what type of therapy is best.

I think this site is invaluable already.

OP posts:

Mamalade · 07/05/2010 21:32

I was exactly the same with the touching when pregnant with my 3 DCs.It's as if your body is being encroached upon enough without the other half expecting intimacy too. Isn't it rubbish.Best of luck to you with the meds and therapy Abby.

JoW1 · 07/05/2010 21:56

Don't like it either. Although only 23wk pg, I already feel round and not 'normal', so I don't want to lie down for cuddles and feel crushed by hugs. I think it's fair enough because the body basically is being stretched and squeezed to buggeration and I didn't feel back to normal until DS1 was 1 year old anyway. Try explaining that to DP who is feeling rejected, though (doesn't help that DS1 isn't a cuddles type either).

OrganicHairbrush · 07/05/2010 22:36

I felt like this, too. YANNNNBU

If your partner loves you (and it seems as though he really does) he will be patient with you. And as you say, there are ways to be intimate and show affection without being physical.

I hope you can get the help you need with this.

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