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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up with people posting the step by step successes of their childs potty training on Facebook, when mine is no way near ready.

51 replies

pigletmania · 07/05/2010 13:36

It really makes me feel grrr and sad that my dd 3.2 is not yet grasping what she needs to do, when is this magic switch going to flick on. She does wees in the toilet/potty if you take her, but is unable to recognise signals when she needs to go and act on them. Makes me feel like I am the only one on this planet with an untrained un ready pre schooler. I expect I am being vvvvvvvu but I had to rant sorry.

OP posts:
Original poster
pigletmania · 07/05/2010 14:18

I know ddm, well dd will be 4.5 when she starts school next September so should be fine by then.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 07/05/2010 14:18

My ds was "potty trained" at 3.6. He was way behind his peers but whereas as some of them were still having accidents or wearing nappies at night, ds was completely dry, day and night and never actual used a potty just went straight to using the toilet.

Downdog · 07/05/2010 14:21

bribing with chocolate kisses for any kind of toilet/potty result worked for us without any withdrawal issues I'm happy to report. Oh & lots of praising and kisses and clapping.

Also DD was much much happier using a toilet (with seat adaptor) than a potty & made big progress once we switched to that (though she will use potty if necessary, ie if loo is in use)

next step - get her out of pull-ups or night knickers as we call them.

YABU though - they aren't having a go at you or DD, just celebrating the small successes as you would be. If you don't like it you can always defriend them & they prob won't even notice.

Original poster
pigletmania · 07/05/2010 14:23

I know that people are proud of their dc achievements and I am pleased for them I really am, but when you have a dc that is just not doing it and everybody elses is does get you down. But yes agree with people on here to take a chill pill she is just not ready. I do have her in training pants as the weather is warmer, I feel that if i put dd back in a nappy it will be like going back, as she is learning about her body functions by being in the pants and has told me a few times when she has done a poo, and that she has wet pants, she would never do that in a nappy. will just be more relaxed about it. Dd also gets really excited when she does a wee on the potty and loves taking it to the loo and flushing it down and geting a few choccie buttons, so there is some progress just really slow.

OP posts:
Original poster
pigletmania · 07/05/2010 14:25

DD knows how to use the potty/toilet what to do, but not recognising the signals of when she needs to go, that iwll come in time as she matures i am sure they all do it in the end some quicker than others.

OP posts:
RedRedWine1980 · 07/05/2010 14:27

I often post on my status how badly behaved my kids have been- does that mean im 'boasting' too? Are people only allowed to say the negative things their kids do so as not to offend others?

seeker · 07/05/2010 14:29

Why on earth does it matter? It's not a competition! Be careful, or in a year or two you will be secretly comparing reading levels. That way madness lies.

scurryfunge · 07/05/2010 14:29

I don't think it's a question of saying only positive or negative things, it's more about seeing facebook for what it is - a place to show off and gossip (it has replaced the playground)....it shouldn't be taken too seriously at all

Original poster
pigletmania · 07/05/2010 14:29

No of course not i love hearing about other peoples childeren on FB, seeing the photos etc, but the toilet training thing just hits a raw nerve cant help it but it does.

OP posts:
RedRedWine1980 · 07/05/2010 14:32

Might be to you scurry but to me its a place I can update people who CARE about me and my family about whats going on with me. If I am so annoying to them they can fuck right off my list, nobody is forcing them to listen to my inane ramblings

Original poster
pigletmania · 07/05/2010 14:35

My god i need to chill glass or 2 vino at the ready tonight he he he

OP posts:
SwissMonsterRavingCheesyParty · 07/05/2010 14:36

My dd wasnt trained until she was 3.5, I didnt push her at all because she wasnt ready, just left potty out and told her what to do.

Time ticked along until one day she came flying out of the kitchen shouting 'wee wee, potty,quick' !! et voila, one trained child, no pissy clothes and no stress.

Don't sweat it.

mistletoekisses · 07/05/2010 14:52

YABU. Their posts are not about you. But about them. As they should be.

A lot of my fb friends are jet setting singletons. Should they not post that they are off to NY...etc just because I am at home with a toddler and baby with no holiday in sight? No!

If you can't take the updates in the manner in which they are meant. Hide them or come off fb. Jeez!

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 07/05/2010 15:06

Send them to STFU Parents

nappyaddict · 14/05/2010 20:16

I've taken a really gradual approach with DS.

At 3.2 DS started taking his nappy off, fidgetting and messing when it was wet or dirty so I introduced him to the potty. I started sitting him on the potty when he gets dressed in the morning and evening, at bathtime, at nappy changes in between, after meal and snack times and when I go to the toilet. I also got him some books on potty training for him to read when he sits on there, showed dolly and teddy doing a wee on the potty, even did a wee on it myself. When he was comfortable with the idea I started taking him to the potty every 30-40 minutes with his book or doing a bit of role play first. If he did a wee we put on his favourite song and dance around clapping and yaying. It seems to be working anyway cos the last few weeks he has produced something every time I have taken him so he knows how to make the wee come out of his own accord now. Just gotta crack him asking me to go rather than me taking him but I think if I keep taking him every 30-40 minutes he will start going out of habit and eventually recognise when he needs to go and start holding on a bit. Just wanted to let you know it's not an instant thing with many kids.

nappyaddict · 14/05/2010 20:21

oldraver Was that time on holiday the first time he'd wanted to use the toilet? Had you tried to potty train at any point before then and been unsuccessful?

mumbar · 14/05/2010 20:39

fb is great for telling nearest and dearest about dc acheivements. Tbh it sounds more like your worried your dc not doing it. BUT I'm sure you dd will do it when she is ready and can do things other dc's her age haven't yet mastered. So get on fb and announce it too the world!

Alicetheinvisible · 14/05/2010 20:44

YANBU with this. I hate it!

It is not so much that the boasting gets to me, it is more

XXX is so proud of xxx for doing a poo on the toilet and wiping his bum all by himself

and yes i have had that exact status update from someone. Just TMI tbh

lovechoc · 14/05/2010 20:50

pigletmania I'm going through the same as yourself. DS is 3yo and I have to take him to sit on the potty otherwise he'd just pee himself and not bother to tell me. I take him every hour during the day and at night he's happy to sit on it himself without prompting.

Wish it would happen soon too - we've been at this for about 4 or 5 weeks now.

sparklycheerymummy · 14/05/2010 21:06

my dd was a nightmare with it but still went to school dry and not in nappies!!!!

i bribed her with smarties....it worked!!!

scottishmummy · 14/05/2010 21:07

cant expect others to be circumspect to avoid rattling your cage

stop stressing about toilet training.she will do so when ready

however if you keep comparing and making it like the baby olympics you will needlessly upset yourself.much like your doing now

Skefton · 15/05/2010 00:48

I recommend a book - The No Cry Solution to Potty Training. Fantastic, unlike any others it explains that each child is different and has some good tips from parents as well. I got it on Amazon. Not to hand at mo so can't put in author but you will find it. I looked at loads and read loads of reviews before I found it. I am a childminder too and used for my daughter and minded child. Now reading the bit about working towards night dryness but in no rush whatsoever - it will happen whenever.

BUT NO ITS NOT UNREASONABLE! Most people who post these things have other issues in there life so take some respite in that x

scottishmummy · 15/05/2010 01:07

nope there is no one solution book for this. there is a wee girl learning to potty train,she will achieve this when she is good and ready

and mum beating herself up lookin at fb posting.well go figure.other parents effusing about a thing yet to be achieved will make you feel bad

other parents are entitled to effuse
op needs to not peruse such posts if they make her wince

Firawla · 15/05/2010 01:18

yabu a bit, i doubt they posted just to make you feel bad
some of my friends on fb do similar, and they started it when our dc were soo young - reallyy young for potty training so i just felt a bit intrigued really as to how/why they were managing to introduce at a young age, didnt make me feel bad about my ds or anything. try not to take it personally

sparklycheerymummy · 15/05/2010 09:50

i think people boast on facebook because they are really very insecure themselves and need peoples approval and praise. i have a friend who also puts the opposite of what is actually happening....e.g....my husband is so fantastic ....when they have had a row or ds slept through the night when actually what she meant was she hadnt fed him but had been up 40000 times to settle him!!!!!!

it should be taken with a pinch of salt!!!