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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset my midwife left?

13 replies

biddysmama · 07/05/2010 11:40

i have case load care, we are supposed to have the same midwife all the way through and she would probably deliver the baby... the whole idea is that you feel secure with her and build a relationship, ive seen her every 2 weeks sine i was 8 weeks pg...

just got a call saying shes left and i have a new midwife (i'm 26 weeks) probably crazy pregnant lady hormones but i'm upset

OP posts:

IWillNotNeverEatATomato · 07/05/2010 12:00

I think you aibu

you will be fine, and will probably go through at least three different midwifes during the birth alone anyway.

During my last pregnancy I saw around four different midwifes, and had three more during the birth (one was a student)

Not perfect but this is the reality of the NHS.

In my experience the community midwifes have a pretty small role to play in comparison to the birth, but I have found that these have a nack of becoming your most intimate friend within minutes. They made me feel so safe and confident that it didn't matter I had only just met them.

cupofcoffee · 07/05/2010 12:00

YANBU to be upset if you'd built up a good relationship with her then it is sad, but there is nothing you can do if she has left, you will have to start over with someone new. At 26 weeks you still have time to get to know someone new before the delivery and hopefully new person will be nice.

AMumInScotland · 07/05/2010 12:01

I can understand you feeling upset, but you have plenty of time to get to know the new one and build up a relationship with her. If she had to stay to see all her current mums through to delivery, none of the midwives on the scheme would ever be able to leave!

Trafficcone · 07/05/2010 12:02

It is sad, but it's a pipe dream to be delivered by your named midwife unless you pay for an independent. I've only met a few people who've achieved it.

Original poster

biddysmama · 07/05/2010 12:13

my 13 month old dd was delivered by my named midwife.. and the midwife that comes when i ring will stay until the baby is delivered

OP posts:

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 07/05/2010 12:16

YANBU

I had midwives I had never seen before deliver me and it was fine. It all depends on the person. The delivery staff were lovely the ward staff were mean and awful.

Original poster

biddysmama · 07/05/2010 12:18

sorry, forgot to say its a home birth

OP posts:

Firawla · 07/05/2010 12:47

26 weeks is enough time left to build a new relationship i think, if they give you another dedicated midwife from now. you're lucky to have it really as most people just get different every single time, so i think it will be okay. yanbu to be upset but i think it will be fine

GeekOfTheWeek · 07/05/2010 13:00

Yab a bit u but i can see your point.

Fwiw I am a delivery suite midwife and am obviously lovely

BouncingTurtle · 07/05/2010 13:46

I saw the same mw through my pg, she was a loon but utterly lovely

But come labour I think I had several MWs. But the by the final stage I couldn't give a shit who the MW was, Mother Teresa or Attila the Hun, as long as the baby got safely delivered!

So YABUnderstandblyU

colditz · 07/05/2010 13:51

come on, it's YOUR baby, not theirs.
You are the one who's feeling the attachment to your pregnancy, you can't really ask anyone who isn't a parent or your child to put off their career decisions until you have delivered your baby.

YABU

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 13:58

YABU but I totally understand.

I almost cried when my community midwife told me this would be her last visit when DS was two weeks old. I think I actually loved her

Now when I talk to other pregnant women local to me, I find myself asking "ooh, who is your CW? Is it Andrea?" Yes, I am aware that I am coming across as a Single White Female. But she was just sooooooooooo lovely...

GiraffeYoga · 07/05/2010 14:42

YANBU to be upset - I understand but having the same MW for appts doesnt mean that you will get the same one for the birth at home.

It depends who is on call at that time. I had a MW for my homebirth that I'd only met once. And that was only a introduction on the offchance that I went into labour that weekend and then I did! She was great despite not knowing her. TBH, I really didnt care about that. Had other things on my mind.

Fortunately another MW who I knew from early pregnancy came around as the 2nd MW for the birth and she was fab. It was a great experience.

Like another poster, I got attached to the MWs and was really upset when they stopped coming around when DD was 4wks old (she had issues regaining wt). I got really used to being looked after!

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