To take control of DH exercise rountin and diet without giving him a choice

[strawberrycake]

My DH is naturally slim but doesn't exercise and eats poorly. He looks healthy, but I've been nagging talking to him for ages about the impact his habits will have on his health. He doesn't take it seriously. He's no slob, but he does nigh on zero exercise, more the bookworm type, and he snacks on high sugar snacks rather than meals if left to his own devices.

He had had back pain for years, and I keep pointing out that some exercise could help immensely. It doesn't have to be loads, just some to counteract the hunched over a desk position he's in most of the day. Before I was pregnant I tried to involve him in pilates with me as much as I could.

Now he's just come back from the GP where a blood test shows he has very high cholestrol. I was more upset than I let on, his dad had his first (of four) heart attack at only 40. DH is 35 and less active than FIL. It's probably a gentic thing as both are slim and otherwise healthy. The eatern european diet though they enjoy is rather high in fat.

I love my DH more than anything, when I married him for life I had a LONG life in mind! I want him healthy for me, and our children. Therefore my plans are:

-do ALL the shopping myself online, buying no high sat food and ingredient for healthy meals. I do this anyway, but I plan to now ignore requests for the high fat/ sugar snacks

-INSIST on execise, I plan to make him join in my moderate post-birth routine (unless obviously he starts one of his own)

-(maybe this one going too far?) my friend is the cook at work. Most his bad choices are made at lunch, despite there being good healthier options which he likes. I want to get her in on the act helping to modify his habits, sterring him towards more veg etc.

AIBU to put my foot down over this? Or his bod, his choice? It's done out of love and care for him. I dn't plan to be a food facist, but he has proved that despite saying he will change time and time again he just can't/won't do it under his own steam. I'm hoping after the intial difficulties it will become second nature to follow a better diet/ rountine. As a plus it's a better example to the children. I just want to show him all the tasty but healthy options there are.

Strawberry, we're just saying - you've tried nagging him. And it hasnt worked. So maybe take another approach. I.e. back off and see if that works better.

Strawberrycake - I completely understand your concerns, and I don't think you are wrong to try and take more control of your DH's diet. Sorry if this has been asked already, but has he been prescribed statins? They will lower his cholesterol and perhaps give you more time to work some subtle changes in his diet.

At the risk of telling you the bleedin' obvious, if you try and grill, not fry, use an olive oil spray to baste meat etc before it goes in the pan rather than pouring in oil first, you may sneak some low fat versions of his favourite foods under his radar.

Changing someone's habits is exceptionally hard and no one does it easily.Can you find a low fat cookery book that will fit with his need for meat etc? Also, reduced fat versions of dairy products might be a good idea - substitute yoghurt for cream, check out fat values for cheeses etc. Good luck with your health by stealth campaign

Older- he has an appointment with GP to discuss tests, I don't know if they'll talk about medication or give him a chance to lower it through diet changes first.

I like cooking (but don't shout about it) and he likes the food, he's just been taking the easy option of snack instead of waiting for meals. He likes the healthier food (I'm no health freak myself, just eat sensibly). I'm halving the amount of meat in tonight's dinner and bulking up with extra veg/ lentils. Chances are he won't notice!

I think changing by stealth gradually is the way to go, it's not as if you're controlling him or forcing him 'for his own good' it's just readjusting the ratio of what you'd be cooking normally.

I don't want you to go away with the feeling that people were getting at you on here, it's plain to see that you love him and want to keep him with you. But in most peoples minds, if you turned it round so your DH was telling you you're not allowed to eat what you wanted to, the flaming your DH would get would be maaassive. And rightly too.

Hope it goes well

Statins and lifestyle change aren't necessarily either/or, you can do both. I would definitely support you cooking healthily (and all those tips on how to reduce saturated (not good) fat without really noticing are great). But you were talking about trying to get someone at his work to change his diet. That is a bit different than cooking well and putting it on the table.

However, you may just have to face the fact that ultimately you can't control this however much you see it as a life or death situation (which it may or may not be, given that lots of people have high cholesterol but don't have heart attacks, it's just one of many risk factors). My husband has put on weight round his tummy (worst place), has snacked a lot through stress and given up exercising recently. I am so fed up with it. It's very much a symptom of him being a bit depressed. But all my nagging, suggestions, saying 'I don't want you to die', cooking nice healthy food at home, encouraging him to have the time to exercise, losing weight myself, hasn't made a jot of difference to his kg on the scales. You can lead a horse to water...