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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hi im new need adv pls aibu or childish

21 replies

missfeebs · 06/05/2010 13:28

i hav 2dsd and ds2 dsd live with in laws at xmas dsd16 asked if she could live with us so she could go to college and study what i did we said yes and nobody else didnt object i arranged all interviews and spent days on net and phone doing all this for her 3 wks ago she got her grandad to phone dp to tell him she not coming now im so angry that i went out of my way to help her nobody else did it was all left to me havent had a thanks or anything from anybody my ds2 gets treated so diff eg dsds got mobiles costing over £100 for xmas my ds got nothing from in laws all they get him is 2nd hand things i hate my ds is treated so diff my dp doesnt like rocking the boat so he doesnt say anything aibu for wanting to cut all ties for mine and ds2 sake or am i childish?

OP posts:
waitingforbedtime · 06/05/2010 13:32

Woah, youre going over teh top with wanting to cut all ties imo.

Sounds like she was scared to call you hence why the grandad calls, she should have called herself, thanking you for you support BUT she is entitaled ot change her mind and she's only 16.

Re the pressies, does seem a bit unfair but is your ds only 2? Am I reading that right? No point spending £100 on them at that age, especially not grandparents imo.

waitingforbedtime · 06/05/2010 13:33

Excuse the typos.

posieparker · 06/05/2010 13:34

missfeebs....

Little tip, if you want people to read your post you need to a)never use textspeak as most of us hate it and can't read it and b)punctuate.

Really meant in a nice not condescending way.

ReneRusso · 06/05/2010 13:36

Sorry, can't cope without punctuation.

Original poster
missfeebs · 06/05/2010 13:42

its not that she changed her mind that bothers me all i want is for her to do well and be happy it was a big change for her to move 200 miles to live with us and leave her friends behind yes my ds is 2 but my in laws act like he doesnt exist he goes in hosp in 2 wks for op and they are wanting us to travel 200 miles to meet dsd16 bf who has just proposed to her and he is the reason why she doesnt want to live with us and when dp kids upset him he gets narky with me even tho i never say a word thats why i want to cut ties

OP posts:
SleepingLion · 06/05/2010 13:43

Punctuation/paragraphing to help us follow what your point is?

Original poster
missfeebs · 06/05/2010 13:44

sorry everyone i've never posted on a message board in my life

OP posts:
Meglet · 06/05/2010 13:45

Please can you type clearly without text speak and with sentences then we can answer you .

wukter · 06/05/2010 13:49

Proposals at 16? And wants to give up college becuase of it? I hope somebody is trying to make her see sense - maybe you are not the right person though.

I hope your son is ok now. Were the inlaws concerned for him while he was in hospital or was it all about your dsd? Does the DSD live with them? She sounds like she is putting plenty on their plates at the moment, especially if they are bringing her up. maybe they are just preoccupied by her and think 2 is a lovely easy age in comparison?

posieparker · 06/05/2010 13:54

If you're struggling just read it slowly and where you have to breath put a fullstop or comma....

Angelcat666 · 06/05/2010 13:55

Hope you don't mind Missfeebs but I've punctuated your last post for you. Hopefully this will help people make sense.

Its not that she changed her mind that bothers me, all I want is for her to do well and be happy. It was a big change for her to move 200 miles to live with us and leave her friends behind. Yes, my ds is 2 but my in laws act like he doesn't exist. He goes in hospital in 2 weeks for op and they are wanting us to travel 200 miles to meet dsd's (16) bf who has just proposed to her, he is the reason why she doesn't want to live with us. When dp's kids upset him he gets narky with me even though I never say a word, that's why I want to cut ties.

Fluffyone · 06/05/2010 13:59

If you cut ties do it for the right reasons. Don't make a 16 year old's indecision an excuse.

ChippingIn · 06/05/2010 14:01

YANU (you are not unreasonable) to want to cut ties, but you would be unreasonable to even suggest it.

They are your DP's parents and daughters.

I think you need to talk to your DP when you are both calm about how this has upset you. Tell him what you have told us.

He (or you) need to talk to his parents about their relationship with you and your son.

Do they feel like you are a young girlfriend he has got pregnant after leaving his 'proper' family?

I also hope someone is talking some sense into his daughter - she's 16 FGS.

Original poster
missfeebs · 06/05/2010 14:42

Dp ex walked out on them when they were young dp had to move in with his parents because she left him with alot of debt so thats why he won't talk to them about ds.
Theres only me who thinks she should wait and get a career first then think about settling down.
I feel like i'm the only sane one amongst them.
Should i just back off and leave them to it?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 06/05/2010 14:50

I'm a bit confused...

DP's EX walked out on 'them' (do you mean him and the girls??)

DP had to move in with his parents because of the debt (with or without the girls and why did he have all the debt??)

What does any of that have to do with DS?

Do DSD's Mum, Dad and Grandparents think that getting engaged at 16 is just fine? and that throwing away the opportunity you have set up for her is just fine? If that's the case, you're pushing crap uphill to make them see sense and I think that you'll just have to let them get on with it, but talk to her if you feel you can call her or when you see her....

Kathyjelly · 06/05/2010 14:58

I think your dp and his parents have to advise your DSD. They could well be taking the "if we resist, she'll do it anyway" view. I'd keep out of that one if I were you.

However, if your DS is going into hospital, it is totally reasonable to want to stay at home and have your dp with you. If your DSD and her boyfriend are old enough to get engaged then they are also both old enough to get on a train and visit you, rather than the other way round.

I doubt cutting ties is an option, nor should they be. Imagine how you would feel if someone asked you to cut ties with your parents and your ds.

l39 · 06/05/2010 17:13

You would be unreasonable to ask your dp to cut ties with his teenage daughters! Even if they're very selfish and irresponsible, they are teenagers. They need their dad.

It's a shame your stepdaughter has given up the idea of college. She could study and still be engaged or even married. I'm not one to assume all teenage relationships will fail (my dh was 19 when we married 18 years ago).

It's wrong of your PIL to ignore their grandson and favour their granddaughters. Seems a bit extreme to expect your dh to cut ties with them though. Are you thinking of making him choose between you and his parents?

By the way, ds2 on this board would usually mean your second son. If you put 'my ds,(2)' or similar, people will understand more quickly.

porcamiseria · 06/05/2010 17:19

posie!!!! you making me laugh

ibloodlylovepunctutationandfullstopsandcommas

GordonGallumbits · 06/05/2010 17:20

Back off, leave them to it.

And make sure the DSDs know you will be there to pick up the pieces as and when needed.

Original poster
missfeebs · 06/05/2010 21:40

Wouldn't even dream of making him choose between us.I think i'm just going to step back from the situation and concentrate on my ds's wellbeing.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 06/05/2010 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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