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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be upset at my "friends"

13 replies

LittleMrsHappy · 06/05/2010 10:08

Late last week I was told their was a possibility that I may have cancer, as I have a "mass" in my ribs and my blood results are showing to be abnormal, (was told this is the worse case scenario) but still worrying all the same, told friends,(who are all dh cousins, so family also) after I had a little cry due to stress of it all, when we were at another's friends dinner party. "come dine with me night".

Im going for my ultra sound on Monday, and not one of them has phoned asking how I am, or even a txt message to say thinking of you on Monday, nothing!

Im just really upset as I thought I have a relatively good support network when it came to my friends, they were my bridesmaids at my wedding and I was theirs etc.. we have been friends for 15 years and Im a bit about it all.

And to boot also, my closest friends sister (so my cousin inlaw) has just had a baby boy today at 9am and not one text to say she had him, I had to find out of face book, although when on the phone to another friends she received a txt from closest friend.

I know cancer is a taboo and upsetting not ALL involved, but maybe I am asking too much for just some moral support

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LittleMrsHappy · 06/05/2010 10:11

Good grief, my posts are just shocking lately, it's taboo, and upsetting for all involved! rolls eyes at myself

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traceybath · 06/05/2010 10:13

Firstly - sorry about your health problems - fingers crossed its nothing serious.

Secondly - announcing baby news is tricksy - mass texts filter through at different times to people. Facebook - well people use it for everything now don't they so I wouldn't take it personally.

Thirdly - your friends will probably text over the weekend and on monday - give them a chance

kreecherlivesupstairs · 06/05/2010 10:13

Maybe you've just hit the nail on the head. Is it possible that they think they could upset you by talking about it. With regard to the cousin in law, I do think you may be being a tiny bit unreasonable. You aren't best friends with her.
Good luck on Monday.

Greensleeves · 06/05/2010 10:14

Oh poor you

here's a from me

I suspect your friends just don't know what to say, are worried about cocking it up or making you feel worse

it's a weird phenomenon that people seem to back off around bad news, when what you really need from them is the opposite

I'm sure it's not reflection on how much they care about you

If I were you I would just be frank about it, ring them up and ASK for whatever kind of support you need

if I had a friend in your situation I would want them to tell me how to help so I didn't get it wrong.

HeadlessLadyH · 06/05/2010 10:17

Poor poor you. So sorry you are having to go through this. And hope all goes well on Monday.

It is shocking news for a close friend to hear. Maybe they are trying to digest it and don't know how to react to it? How long ago was it you told them and how did they react then?

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and am sure your friends will rally round for you.

LittleMrsHappy · 06/05/2010 10:18

my cousin in law (who had baby) we are quite close, tbh, we see each other most days and have a pub lunch every fortnight.

Im going to shut by big mouth also, my closest friend has just rung and is coming round tonight with wine and cakes and all things scrumptious, so we can have a chat

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Tiredmumno1 · 06/05/2010 10:19

aww hun it must be terrible to have news like that and just have to wait anyway.

as long as dh is there for you ready with the hugs when you are feeling down then you will be able to face this together whatever the result.

i have my fingers and toes crossed for you, i will be thinking of you

LittleMrsHappy · 06/05/2010 10:20

I found out on Thursday and seen friends on the Friday, and they haven't been in contact since, however I think I was being a tad irrational, as shes coming round tonight.

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LittleMrsHappy · 06/05/2010 10:21

Thankyou for all your wonderful replies, Im always saying, Im going to be fine, Im going to be fine, even if it is cancer, the cancer wont beat me!

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motherbeyond · 06/05/2010 10:26

oh,that's awful for you..the wait i mean.fingers crossed for you that it's nothing to worry about.

often the wait is the worst part.

maybe your friend thought she had sent you a text? i'm worried about this, i'm a week overdue,and EVERYONE keeps saying,don't forget to include me in the group text!!but i have a new phone and you have to go through and tick each person individualluy etc it's long winded and i worry i'll think i've ticked someone that i haven't!!!

i'm sure it's not a deliberate thing

also,it's only thurs,i'm sure your friends will contact you over the weekend and monday morning....the best of luck to you xx

HeadlessLadyH · 06/05/2010 10:26

Am glad your pal is coming round tonight. You're going to be fine.

OrganicHairbrush · 06/05/2010 10:37

I'm so, so sorry.

People just don't know how to cope with bad news... they just don't know how to handle it. It's not your fault. It's theirs.

I hope MN can be of support..

grottielottie · 06/05/2010 10:47

Firstly you haven't had bad news yet, try to stay positive because if you do get bad news you are going to need all the positivity you can muster.

Secondly the baby news, I think it's just one of those things don't take it personally. If anything they might not have wanted to seem celibratory when they know you are going through a tough time.

Illness does scare some people away, before my dad had cancer I might well have reacted the same way to hearing this sort of news about a friend. Should the worst happen you soon find out who your real friends are, but it sounds like you have one good friend at least, enjoy the wine and cakes.

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