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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 3 days a week with family is odd?

15 replies

fernie3 · 05/05/2010 11:33

My sisters fiancee spends at least three days a week visiting his family (mum and sister mostly) he takes her along so shes not left on her own but since his mum clearly hates her its not exactly a treat for her.
He has just been made redundant so it used to be one or two days at the weekend plus an evening or two during the week that has started to creep up. Just so that you have the whole picture NO I dont like him he is verging on abusive he is so controlling which makes me think maybe I am reading too much into the family thing.

Is 3 days a week too much for the average man?

OP posts:
mumblechum · 05/05/2010 11:34

How old is he? sounds like he hasn't quite disentangled himself from the apron strings.

DH flies up to Edinburgh for an afternoon each year in the run up to Xmas to see his mum & brothers. Maybe that's too extreme the other way...

GeekOfTheWeek · 05/05/2010 11:37

YANBU

Each to their own etc. But I find that far too much.

Original poster
fernie3 · 05/05/2010 11:38

he is 26. They live the other side of the country from us. They used to live between the two so only a a couple of hours away from us but they moved near his mum and sister so that they could see his sisters baby more often even though he wont consider children of his own

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 05/05/2010 11:44

Sounds like he manipulated it to be closer to mummny.

mumblechum · 05/05/2010 11:46

Oh good grief, I thought they were round the corner! How does he even afford the petrol to see them that often if he's unemployed?

Original poster
fernie3 · 05/05/2010 11:50

mumblechum they now live about 15 mins drive from his mum and sister, I dont know how they will afford it now but he was on a pretty low wage before and since my sister had to quit her job to move they have been living off that. I have no idea what they will do now - they could always move in with his mum!

OP posts:
4andnotout · 05/05/2010 11:51

I see my parents at least 3 times a week and dp
see's his probably te same amount, ours live a few doors away from eachother so we usually see them on the same day. It just seems natural to us to spend a fair amount of time with them, I see my grandparents at least once a week too.
We only live a few miles away though.

sleepingsowell · 05/05/2010 12:30

I think there is nothing odd about seeing them 3 days a week. Some people are close to their families and see them alot.

The odd thing is that he knows his partner and mum don't get on yet still does this. And the way he is treating her.

But nothing odd in seeing them 3 days a week in itself, imo.

Firawla · 05/05/2010 12:33

for me its too much, but nothing wrong with it if everyone is happy with it, which it seems your sister isnt but perhaps it's something they should talk about and come to understand each others feelings on this before the marriage? if i was her i would rather say he doesn't bring her along all the time. and also it depends how long on the days, 3 whole days is way excessive imo but 3 days with 1 medium sized visit and popping in a few times is fine and normal. depends how the family are really, if all friendly and enjoy each others company then fine. some times the parents kind of force or emotional blackmail the kids to go round all the time, that is different. so not really a simple answer to this one..

mrspear · 05/05/2010 13:12

What culture does he come from?

I only ask because this is quite common to some! At my husband's family home there are 4 generations under one roof. His sisters who have left home are always round

Original poster
fernie3 · 05/05/2010 13:20

He is from north of england (same area as my husband wierdly even though we met our partners years apart in different parts of the country lol).

The visits are normally most of the day for example today they are spending the day with his sister and her baby, they left this morning and wont be back until evening (which is normal now hes not working especially). I probably am reading too much into the number of visits. He just makes me so angry (and im normally not the type to be so hostile to people) I wish my sister would just stand up to him just once she cant even leave the house anymore because he chose a house in the middle of nowhere with no transport links and for some reason she cant drive the car.
ok that was off topic apologies but i have to say it or I will start hyperventilating with anger!

OP posts:
ButterPie · 05/05/2010 13:26

It is an unusual day that I don't see my inlaws, we spend several hours there on a Sunday, me and the kids might go for a couple of two hour or so visits in the week, DD1 goes round for at least half an hour every day, which DD2 is starting to join her for. That is, unless it is the one week in four (or thereabouts) that we are staying with my parents and grandparents (who live together). When I was growing up, my nana had her own bedroom at my house as she stayed over so much.

We now live in the NE, I grew up in the NW.

Are you southern?

Original poster
fernie3 · 05/05/2010 13:28

I am welsh but we live in the south now.

OP posts:
azazello · 05/05/2010 14:06

I don't think the time with family is odd of itself but the other stuff you've mentioned would be ringing some very loud alarm bells. He does sound controlling and trying hard to seperate your sister from her family.

gomummygo · 05/05/2010 14:40

For me, the time with family would be WAY too much, but I suppose that depends on your family and customs.

The other things you have mentioned though, don't sound good at all tbh (what azazello said). On the whole, YANBU to be concerned.

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