To wonder how I turned out the way I am?

[cupcakesandbunting]

My brother and I are both very liberal in pretty much all aspects. Sometimes I wonder how because my mother is one of the WORST bigots I know of. This may get a bit long and ranty but really, I must vent...

My mum is a lovely woman; dotes on her grandchildren, will help anyone out and is generally good BUT I cannot tally this with some of the awful things she comes out with regarding immigrants/people not of white british origin. First off, she comes out with "they come over here" which gets my hackles up instantly before coming out with some stupid, stupid remark about Poles having their own section in the supermarket (wtf is wrong with that anyway?!) then wehn I point out that when she goes on holiday to Greece, the greek supermarkets stock British brands she will reply "that's different" which I suppose it is, but still.

She will not listen to any reasoned argument with regards to the open door policy within the E.U and that she is as able to go live in Poland if she choose as the Poles are able to choose to live here. She knows my feelings on the BNP (they need to fuck off and never come back) and when I was expressing horror at Griffin's £50K to fuck off back to where you came from idea, I'm sure her eyes lit up.

I just don't understand her. She refuses to try and even understand a tiny bit about other cultures and why people might wish to leave their own country so they don't get burned out of their bloody houses ("yes but why must they come HERE?") yet she has a very good black friend but then she does make remarks like "John doesn't like the amount of Poles and HE'S black!" like not being white and expressing the same opinion as a white person makes them a black person worthy of note.

I just kind of wonder how brother and I ended up being very accepting of pretty much everyone when mother darling is clearly Nick Griffin in a wig and lipstick

My Dad can be a bit like your Mum. I like to think that my liberal outlook is rebellion

rasputin has the answer.

My DP's mother is incredibly narrow-minded and blinkered. She has lived her life in one place and still owns the apartment that her mother and she lived in when she was a child - which is a few doors down from where she has lived for nearly all her married life. All her friends are from the same religious background as she is.

She has no education. My DP is open-minded and liberal because he has lots of education beyond his upbringing. Voilà the difference!

its suprising how many folk of the older generation have this view, especially when initally many 'immigrants' came to this country by request of the uk government to do the shitty jobs that people of this country wouldnt do.

My DF on many issues (not the immigration one but re sex, divorce, sexuality) is right of Atilla the Hun. None of me and sibs are - maybe it is a part rebellion. DF and DM are very religious too and me and DBs aren't interested in that either

I can understand your frustration. Some of my family members have put up huge posters from UKIP about immigrants, it's so embarrassing as well as extremely short-sighted. One of their own daughters has emigrated (yes is an immigrant) to Canada, and several of their relations (such as myself) are married to immigrants (but they don't count too much as they are Australian, or white, although my husband is one of these darn 'Eastern Europeans' who are all coming over here and will insist on paying his taxes and claiming no benefits, completely letting the side down...)

That's the thing isn't it, Seaside? White immigrants are fine because they don't go throwing mosques up everywhere and speaking in Muslim (yes, I heard that as an argument for why white immigration is OK )

lol she sounds like my friend... lovely lovely woman.... shes spanish and bangs on about the polish and asians etc... erm... you realise this is england and not spain right?

It's incredibly reassuring, as a parent, to know that people can turn out so decent despite less than promising influences in childhood!

When I challenge my mum about her wrong, wrong opinions she uses the "I'm from a different generation from you, remember"

Utter piffle. She's 52 not 82 and my MiL is 65 and is very liberal. You're a racist mum, nothing to do with age.

It's not surprising that in a recession when everyone is feeling insecure, they turn on immigrants. Personally, I find people are very nice to the Eastern European people I know, but that's because the ones I know are incredibly well-educated, all work very hard often in jobs which don't reflect their educational level, pay taxes, rent or buy private housing and so on, so are probably seen as net contributors overall and I've never experienced any direct hostility ( perhaps they all mutter behind my back!)

As for not feeling safe around gangs of Eastern European men, well, forgive me, but I don't think it is Eastern Europeans who have made our town centres a no-go area after about 6pm in the evening, but indigenous (whatever that means) heavy drinking poorly educated British lads roaming around and being violent. I also got approached this week by a shaking heroin addict in broad daylight asking me for money in my ordinary suburban street. He was white and poor, so what? I think people see what they want to see and prefer to blame 'others'.

There is a gang of polish builders working on the house directly opposite mine. They've been there for two weeks and all they've ever said to me is "good morning" and "good afternoon". They intimidate me waaaaay less than the fat, sweaty Sun-reading builders doing the roof of the house at the end of my terrace who insist on playing Radio One at full volume from 8am and thoughtfully providing a place for people to park their bikes if they so wish.

wonder what we would be like if we had been brought up at the same time and places as our parents with the same upbringing and influences. We might be just like them (probably). When I go back home to my little working class town I really notice the differnce. People go on all the time abut immigrants (even though they have a lot less incomers then many places), still yab on about buying milk at the 'Pakkies' or going out for a 'Chinky' (there really is no malice intended). They have never lived anywhere else or experienced different cultures coming into their community. They have never really been challenged on their views or language as most people around them are just the same.

I'm familiar with this. It is ignorance - not having lived amongst lots of different people and interacted with them, and also a lack of education, maybe leading to poor reasoning ability.

My dad makes sweeping generalisations about people of a different race to him (their good and bad traits), and I do challenge him on this.

Newspapers like the DM are sometimes the only exposure to other cultures that some people get, and their approach is often scare-mongering.

scanty - that is a very fair point. It's why I like living in a big city - it has challenged my views and assumptions about people. I'm glad my DSs are growing up here, too. They are much more accepting of "difference"

I think it cuts two ways; you either don't live in an area where there's a concentration of immigrants so you are ignorant to their "ways" or you live in an area with a concentration of immigrants (like my mum does) and get pissed off due to some perceived threat that they're "taking over".

I went to school with LOTS of pakistani/indian kids. My grandad used to call my school 'spot the white kid', lovely old man. So I grew up with these folk and I never felt any threat or that I was getting a raw deal because of them. i think you're either a bigot or you're not, no matter where you live.

Jamie, I don't consider myself racist and at times most of my friends have been from other races but I still SEE race and I think it's hard to completely ignore race and perhaps sometimes deep down there are unconcious things that are inbuilt from our upbringing that we cant help. What I am grateful for, is that my young children have lived in a multicultural society with friends from many cultures and religions. They were the minority (being white) in their first school and most of their friends were non white. I hope they will be the first generation in my family to truly not see 'colour' or race, but accept it as naturally as any other part of life.

I was raised by a person who seriously believed that black people were so successful in athletics because they were used to running away from lions in the jungle

She was terribly racist, and even more so completely ignorant and stupid.

I think education is the key.

scanty - I feel very similar to you. I also "see" race. The last few years (and in large part because of my DSs multicultural school) is the first time I have made friends with people of other races.

My gran was the daughter of an immigrant, but still joined UKIP. It's weird.

With my mum, I very firmly head off at the pass any conversations involving immigration, politics, or any other contentious issues. I love my mum dearly and am very close to her, but I don't share her views on a lot of things. Trying to change her mind is tiring and pointless, so I find it much better to dwell on all the things we do agree about, and topics of mutual interest. I'm giving myself a huge pat on the back for managing not to have become embroiled in any DM fuelled election discussions yet...

Scanty - Sadly I know people in London who talk about 'Paki shops' and 'going for a Chinky', it does my head in
Luckily I no longer work with them but the amount of complaints about immigrants that one of them (an Australian living in the UK) made were shocking.

oh god we say shall we have a 'chinky' when refering to a chinese takeaway ,but never call chinese people anything other than chinese . i think if im riught the australians call the the pakistani cricket team the 'pakis' just like they call the west indies the 'indies' .

I see race. I identify people by race i.e "oh you know Jane, the black girl who drives the new mini?" but that's as far as it goes. I think it's hard NOT to see race even if you've ben brought up with people of other races. There's no malice in it, not on my part anyway.