To feel annoyed when...

[AssumptaWithCherryOnTop]

I get an email from my father with "too much tv" in the subject line and a link to the following:

TV advice

On reflection, I think he probably had only good intentions, but I feel it is not for him to send me things like this when he 1. Barely visits and so 2. has no idea how much TV my 16 mo DS does/does not watch.

Should I feel grateful that he cares about my DS or resentful for the interference?

If he's not a major player in your life or your DCs and what he's said has no relevance then I'd just ignore the advice given.

At least it's not your DH/DP!
My DH sent me this link with a little smilie.
He is totally against me showing our DS (15 months) any TV.
I don't really put it on as a rule (don't really watch it myself). But it came in useful when I was in my first trimester and knackered at the end of the day and DH still wasn't home from work.

10 minutes of In the Night Garden gave me time and space to get my pyjamas on so I could collapse into bed straight after DS.

I imagine it'll come in useful come the autumn when I'm breastfeeding new baby/ need 5 mins to eat/ use the loo etc

I guess... be grateful he cares and then inwardly tell him to b*gger off!!

I've said it before on here but people who do not use television to distract their child, even for a minute amount of time, are either lying or have a nanny.

I carefully select what television DS can watch but watch it he does. How the tits else am I supposed to load the washing/cook/vacuum/make beds? I stick it on for an hour in the morning whilst I do my morning jobs then it's off until I put it back on for half an hour while I cook dinner. I don't feel guilty and DS can speak very well for his age. I expect that this makes me a devil's handmaiden but meh, don't care

It is possible, cupcakes, simply not to own a TV, in which case you obviously can't use it when you're suddenly desperate to distract their child. You have to think of other things.

Not that I think there is anything wrong with having a TV or letting your los watch it- doesn't make me judge at all.

But we just didn't have one, and that doesn't exactly make me a liar. And as for this nanny- I am still waiting for her to materialise

We have dirty floors, unmade beds and look like we've walked out of the laundry basket backwards. That's how you get on with your life without letting your kids watch daytime tv.

have they controlled for other aspects, like socio-economic group, or parental education in that study? It's not the link between hours watched and academic achievement/behaviour that makes me , but the link with junk food.

As for your dad, Assumpta, let it slide, let it slide. My dad is forever sending me well-meaning links, but his 'email manner' is incredibly abrupt and comes across as very bossy, and as if I couldn't possibly already know anything about whatever it is, or even am already acting against it. OTOH, if he tells me about these things in person or on the phone, it's far more a meeting of peers.

No nanny here, but DS2 doesn't watch any tv. Not because I won't let him but because he is not remotely interested. My house is still reasonably clean and so are we Of course it is possible - I know several people who don't even own a tv - but you have to be more creative. My personal view is that some tv is fine (DS1 is allowed 20 minutes a day) but too much is not good for them, and stops them from learning how to occupy themselves in other ways.

That is just MY view though, and YANBU for being annoyed when someone lectures you via email.

OP ignore the email he probably just thought it was something you may be interested in. Dads can be odd like this. We have a TV I let the children watch it although if I notice signs of overwatching i switch it off (signs are the house being scarily tidy and no arguements and screaming).

Assumpta - because he doesn't visit very often I would take it as...'Have you heard about this in the news...' if he was around all the time then you could take it as a bit of a dig...

CC&B - you having said it before doesn't make it fact! There are plenty of MN'ers without TV's and some of them even passed muster on the recent cleaning thread!!!

i would just ignore it
i get that kind of email from pil on any and every subject relating to kids & ne advice like this that comes in the news, but i see he send not just to me but sil, cousins etc so i dont take it personally. maybe your dad is the same?

Some people I know, sit their kids in front of DVDs and say they are NOT watching TV

Cupcakes I am not a liar and do not have a nanny! My children play. Tht sometimes means I don't get to drink a cup of tea but it is the decision I made. I don't expect everyone to do the same but it is my choice and I live with the fact my life is probably harder!
Op YANBU he probably meant well but phrased it wrongly. It is none of his business anyway.

My child plays too. I don't stick the television on so I can have a cup of tea, I stick it on so he can watch whilst he eats his breakfast and I can get on with the things that I need to do before I leave for work. I'm not about to make a martyr of myself because I chose to be a mother.

My 3yo watches an hour in the morning too, cupcake so don't feel bad. It allows me to tidy odd things up around the house, put a load of washing on, empty dishwasher etc. he also watches TV in the afternoon whilst I make the dinner or I wouldn't get any peace to just get on with it.
It does make life easier and I have no idea how I'd cope without the TV tbh. It's been a lifesaver.

I don't feel bad, lovechoc. I have no desire to join the halo-polishers who do simply everything according to the middle-class parent handbook.

When I was pregnant, I said I wouldn't do a lot of things but the reality is different. I

Im with cupcakesandbunting and lovechoc!
DD 2.5 is on the go all the time and cannot be left alone for 5 mins!
without the TV to keep her occupied on morning i would not get beds made, breakfast made and washing up done, get myself ready to a somewhat acceptable apperance, and general tidy up etc.
It does make life a little easier, i dont have to worry about her and what shes up too. If its not on all the time its not the devils work!

If you have a child who needs constant distraction I think it makes life more bearable to use tv. DS did not stop for a second, he needed entertaining all the time. I did not make him like this, he became like this at around a year. It was exhausting and draining, he didn't sleep in the day and he got up at five. I would have gone mad without tv.

I think it is the inference that it is lazy parenting that gets me - often I would have done a full day's play by 9.30 in the morning, without a single thought to myself. I am so glad I had peppa pig to give myself a break.

My next child just potters around beside me, just getting on with stuff. It is a doddle in comparison, she doesn't watch TV at all.

I had it in my head that DS would hardly be watching any TV when I was pg with him - but that was before I knew how active and manic he can be as a toddler! You just don't know these things until nearer the time, it depends on the child. I personally don't watch much TV (when DS goes to bed) but I don't mind him watching a little during the day if it means I can get stuff done around the house.
Good for those who can manage without a TV.

I think it was probably well meant.

Thanks everyone, I won't take it to heart

As for the TV watching, it's sporadic in the Assumpta household. At the moment, DS is more interested in listening to music and often asks us to turn a CD on for him (by walking up to the CD player and whining until we do )