Hey, this is more of a wwyd situation i think.
My grandad passed away in December '08, and my nana in Aug '09. After my grandad passed, my nana kept his ashes, asking of her children (5 of them) to make sure that when she goes, her ashes and her dh are kept together. But as far as i know not saying exactly what she would like done with them.
SO, for the past 7 months my aunt (my dads sister) who is the oldest of the 5 siblings, therefor put herself 'in charge' has kept my grandparents at her house, turning her spare room from what i've heard into a shrine. With their old sofa, wall unit, sterio and orniments, all taken from their house on my nanas death, she has the ashes in the wall unit, and plays hyms all day for them.
My dad and his younger sister have never got along with the oldest sister, and they don't speak, his younger sis is actually banned from the ouse where my nan and granda are kept. So this means that neither my dad or his younger sis can visit or pay tribute to their parents.
A fortnight ago, my dad brought all this up to his brother, who was relieved as he feels the same, ande it turns out he hasn't been to pay any tributes either because my aunt has been unreasonable with times etc. Together my dad and his brother approacted his older sis (the one with the ashes) and suggested that they find somewhere to either scatter the ashes, or put them in the graveyard. All this was going to plan, they decided between them to use the garden ta the crematorium, where they booked a spot and i thought everything was settled.
I went to Rome for 2 days, which turned into ten because of the volcano and when i came home EVERYTHING had changed. Firstly the other sister, came up with they cant be placed in the crematorium garden because they need to face south for the sun (wtf??) Then it was none of them were putting in money to buy a head stone and plot if they went to the grave yard. So my parents said they would pay for everything, all seemed fine. THEN my aunt (the one with the ashes) said she wants them buried in a church yard, and contacted a church, not the local parish church that held the service at the funeral, but another one that sits right on the main road.
Now this is the part that i dont get. I am catholic, i was baptized as an adult, i go to one church ever week, and one church only. I dont understand why at their cremation there was a misister from the local COS parish, the church that my gps/parents/aunts/uncles were married in. Now mu aunt has decided on another evangelical church in our town to burry them in.
And as far as the service goes, here it is.
Be at the yard at 8am sharp as the misnister (?) will only be there 5 minutes to bless the ground. My aunt has to take the ashes. My dad and his brother have to 'bring a spade'.
I disagree strongly, and told my dad this. He told me, my uncle has washed his hands of the situation, it is too stressful for him, and he told my aunt to do what she wants. My dad was told, since he is the only one disagreeing he is 'outvoted' on the subject and he can show up if he wants to.
The church yard has no grave stones or anything, it is about 2 meters from the road and has little grass, so i dont even know how its going to work.
My dad says he cant change anything, and seems depressed over the whole thing.
What can i do? It's getting to me. No one is talking over it! I want to go speak to my aunt, but she has never spoen to my family in about ten years and i wouldnt know what to say.
Sorry for the loooong post.