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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my mum to let me move her dangerous tools out of DS's reach?

30 replies

lowrib · 01/05/2010 23:42

We visit my parents often. By the back door there is a basket with gardening things in it, including 2 pairs of secateurs, a bloody great big set of shears and hand-held trowels / forks etc. 16 month old DS is very interested in the basket. If he gets close to it he tries to pick up the tools. I asked my mum to move it, she said no, there's nowhere else to put it, I should just keep him away from it. I said I'm sure there's somewhere else it can go, just while we're here, and that we'd surely regret not moving it if something terrible happened.

AIBU or is she?

OP posts:
Original poster
lowrib · 02/05/2010 00:50

anyone?

OP posts:
bellabelly · 02/05/2010 01:23

Your mum's reaction is bizarre imho! Doesn't she have a shed or somewhere taht the basket could go, just while you and DS are visiting?

Pozzled · 02/05/2010 07:31

YANBU. At the very least, it could go just outside the door if you are in the house. Or be moved to a part of the house he doesn't have access to. It seems rather strange for her to be so reluctant to move it TBH. Also it sounds as though she expects YOU to keep him away, at the very least you need to make it clear that everyone in the house needs to be aware of the issue and make sure he is closely supervised at all times. It is not just your problem.

rainbowinthesky · 02/05/2010 07:34

Sounds odd and that she has forgotten what it's like to have a toddler. I guess she does expect you to keep him away when it is so much easier just to move it.

MmeLindt · 02/05/2010 07:35

YANBU

What does she do with the rest of the house? Presumably there are other things in the house that are kept safe from your toddler?

JackBauerIsZonerrific · 02/05/2010 07:38

YANBU. If you want small children to visit, you move the dangerous things.
IL's house is very cluttered with drinks trolleys and low cupboards etc but they lock it all, move the worst stuff up high and then let me do a quick sweep depending on what DD's are currently nosing at and move them.
My mum puts stuff in her bedroom and shuts the door, the dd's kmow that is out of bounds at all costs so it works fine.

nighbynight · 02/05/2010 07:44

I really hope that I remember this when I am a GP, and childproof my house without grumbling!

I think yanbu though.

MrsMiamla · 02/05/2010 07:51

here's my 2p worth! my DS is 20mths. his hobbies include climbing, exploring, causing mischief (you get the idea?!)

we spent a long time child-proofing our house, esp downstairs so it means he can toddle round and not need me to watch him every single second eg locks on cupboard doors, stair gate kept closed (on stairs), etc etc
My mum's house on the other hand isn't child proofed at all. she has lots of low ornaments, (unlit) candles in glass dishes, empty bottles for recycling on the floor in the kitchen etc etc. I asked my mum if she would/could move things and she said, 'no, he has to learn'.
I used to find it very stressful visiting mum. I couldn't sit down for even 2 secs because he was forever climbing up on things and investigating everything! Fast forward a few months... mum has been looking after him at her house (used to be at ours) for a couple of days a week (while i'm working). When I visit her with him now, I can sit down with a cup of tea! Has she child proofed or moved anything? nope! He has learnt which kitchen cupboards he's allowed to open, he leaves all the drawers closed and leaves all the ornaments etc alone. To be honest, I am amazed but it just goes to show that it can be done ie you can have a child in your house regularly without having to move everything!

Pozzled · 02/05/2010 07:59

MrsMiamla, I think that approach is ok when it is a case of ornaments and things which could get broken, but are not too dangerous to the child. Then the house-owner is taking the responsibility as to whether or not their own things get broken. And I agree that children need to learn what they are allowed to play with and what is off-limits. But I wouldn't agree with something like secateurs, the consequences are too horrible to trust a small toddler not to touch. They might get over-excited or forget, or have a naughty moment- not worth the risk IMO.

LtEveDallas · 02/05/2010 08:03

We have never childproofed our house or garden, just said NO a lot. Yes it took a lot of time and stress but it was worth it and by tha age of 2 we could take dd anywhere without worrying. I think you are being a little bit U. Much better to get dc used to not touching than expecting other people to rearrange their stuff for them.

SloanyPony · 02/05/2010 09:23

The fact of the matter is every child is different. She might remember you as responding well to the word no from an early age. Other children are STUBBORN. Some are more curious than others, attracted to more dangerous things.

I have friends who could have VASES OF ACTUAL FLOWERS at EYE LEVEL. I was so jealous. My child wasn't naughty or disobedient, he just liked to mess with that kind of thing, now he doesn't, he's 2 and a half and if I say, hey, leave it, he will.

I daren't mention a boy/girl difference, because there are plenty of exceptions to that rule, and I only have my NCT group of 9 babies (half and half) to go by but in my experience of that group it was the boys that got into stuff badly and the girls who could be told no a little earlier (ah the fairer sex - we are just more ADVANCED)...

YANBU

JackBauerIsZonerrific · 02/05/2010 09:28

Agree that vases/ornaments are one thing but tools are another altogether.

4kidsandlovingit · 02/05/2010 10:28

Ive never moved any ornaments etc for my children and didnt ever expect my parents or inlaws to either. All have learnt from an early age what they can or cant touch.
By contrast one of my SIL did child proof her house for her DS. Subsequently he grabbed inlaws very treasured carriage clock, threw it across the room and smashed it.
Children need supervising from an early age and it is your job as a parent to teach then right from wrong.
I believe that if you child proof yours and your parents house so he can go/do what ever he like what happens when you go to friends houses? Do you expect them to child proof before your arrival? I really wouldn`t appreciate being told to move things in my own home.

ScreaminEagle · 02/05/2010 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

4kidsandlovingit · 02/05/2010 10:46

Out of reach at this age may not be out of reach when OPs child is 2. When does it become okay to leave things out in your own home. When will OP teach her DC that No means NO and things that are not theirs should not be touched?

ScreaminEagle · 02/05/2010 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GeekOfTheWeek · 02/05/2010 11:11

I agree with screamineagle.

I'm all for teaching children the meaning of no etc but surely its just common sense to move sharp, dangerous tools out of harms way?

Original poster
lowrib · 02/05/2010 11:52

Thanks for the responses everyone. Glad to hear I'm not being totally U. It just seemed to obvious to me, but I did start to wonder if I was being U!

We have reached a good compromise. I will go and buy a nice looking, closable box to put them in. She will give me the cash. Until I do this they will stay where they are.

I agree that DS has to learn not to touch certain things. But these are just so dangerous! If nothing else, it's to do with me being able to relax a bit!

And if something terrible happened, we would feel so stupid for not moving them.

OP posts:
JackBauerIsZonerrific · 02/05/2010 13:56

It's not even touching, it's tripping I would be worried with. He could be the most well behaved child in the world, but if he slips and falls on secateurs....

This is why I childproof, the girls know not to touch things but IL's leave bottles on low shelves next to their chairs on rickety tables, the girls run around after the dog, one knock and smash whisky bottle on the head. My mum has sewing stuff out all the time, scissors, pins, needles etc. That's what she moves.

It's risk assessment, not preciousness IMO.

megonthemoon · 02/05/2010 14:03

"trips and falls on secateurs" - unless secateurs are left without safety catch on and stuck in something pointing upwards, the chance of an accident happening like that are so minimal it's ridiculous to worry about it! yes a child could fall on them but if safety catch is on then shouldn't be a problem at all!

having said that, i think these things should be kept out of the way. i teach my child (23mo) not to touch these things in the context of when we are gardening and i have them around, just like i teach him not to touch hot pots and pans or knives etc. in the context of when we are cooking together. but i don't leave these things lying willy nilly, out of context, so he could grab them when my back was turned.

OP - glad you have a sensible compromise with your mum

MoChan · 02/05/2010 14:10

My house isn't especially child-proofed, partly because I have muscle troubles that mean that if you child proof something I can't get into it either. And yes, they learn.

however

A big basket full of tools, I would definitely move out of the way. I don't leave anything lying around.

Plus, the 'learning to stay away from things' approach only really works when they are so young in houses where they spend a lot of time. If you're only visiting occasionally, it could take a v. long time to sink in.

JackBauerIsZonerrific · 02/05/2010 14:14

meg, you are right of course, I was thinking of the trowels/forks from the OP but said secateurs, god knows why as I had to think how to spell it, i think i need more sleep!

diddl · 02/05/2010 15:14

OP-can´t you just move them yourself?

diddl · 02/05/2010 15:16

Sorry-can´t you just move it anyway?

When you say "by the back door"-do you mean inside or out?

If it´s inside, can´t you just pop it outside whilst you´re there?

bamboobutton · 02/05/2010 15:26

my mind is boggling at a granny happy to risk her grandchild lopping his fingers off with secateurs!!!

i would move the basket myself and if anything was said on the matter i would take my child and go home right away.