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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make DS spend his money on his trip?

28 replies

TheFresherGrass · 01/05/2010 19:01

DS (11) likes to horde money. It's good in a way and I know I can rely on him to save and save. He just will not spend. He gets £5 a week and won't spend a penny of it. Fair enough.

Then last night he came home from school and asked if it was ok for him to go to Alton Towers for the day (today) with his friend.

At £30 a ticket I asked him how he intended to pay for it and he said he'd spend his own money.

So he needed £40 (£30 for ticket and £10 spending money) and I said I'd give him the £10 spending money. He agreed.

I then felt guilty all night that I was making him spend so much of the money he'd saved that I text him and told him I'd pay half of the overall ammount. So he's now only putting £20 towards it.

But I still feel guilty!!! Thing is I can't afford to just pay for stuff like alton towers at 24 hours notice but he is a great kid, works hard at school, never gives me any trouble ... Am I being mean making him use his own money?

What would you have done?

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 01/05/2010 19:07

Actually I think he will prize it more spending his own money on it.

I think you're doing the right thing entirely.

gingernutlover · 01/05/2010 19:09

i agree
and going halves sounds very fair

MummyDoIt · 01/05/2010 19:12

He sounds like a fantastic kid who's already learned to manage money. He's saved his money and wants to spend it on something he really wants. Pat yourself on the back for teaching him well!

cat64 · 01/05/2010 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheCrackFox · 01/05/2010 19:20

I think it will be good for him - saving and then spending it on something he loves.

Original poster

TheFresherGrass · 01/05/2010 19:23

Well he did actually say to me "Im so glad I saved my money rather than wasting it on xbox games, what on earth would I have done if I had no money when my friend asked???" and I replied "well, if you had no money, you wouldn't have been able to go" so I think he has learnt a great lesson here. It's confirmed to him that saving until you "really" want something is the right way to go.

OP posts:

dilemma456 · 01/05/2010 20:31

Message withdrawn

OctaviaH · 01/05/2010 21:44

definitely not being U- in a perfect world we could all pay for absolutely everything our dcs wanted but if life's not like that then we have to make do the best we can.

btw- i think the lesson being learned here is not 'save up until you can afford something' but rather that money must be hoarded just in case something like this pops up. i think you'd do well to let him know that you can afford to pay for the important things and at the age of 11 he doesn't have to worry about saving his money.

zapostrophe · 01/05/2010 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PickUpYourPants · 01/05/2010 22:04

yanbu. You are teaching your son the value of money, to understand that if you have some money put aside you can treat yourself from time to time.

Fluffyone · 01/05/2010 22:19

Are you mad woman? The point of saving is to have some money to spend when you need it, or to treat yourself. He's learning a good life lesson, don't spoil it.
I don't agree that in a perfect world we would all pay for everything our dcs wanted. If we did that then when on earth would they learn how to budget for themselves, and that everything in life doesn't just get handed to them on a plate?

whiteflame · 01/05/2010 22:29

sounds fine to me too. i would maybe point out when he comes home that if he hadn't saved he wouldn't have been able to go (even if it's not true!), so that he doesn't think along the lines of if he hadn't saved you would have paid, so no point saving iyswim

Original poster

TheFresherGrass · 02/05/2010 12:46

Well he had a great time and still stuck to his tight fistedness ... he saved the spending money he took

So he came back with £15 out of £40 so we each only paid £12.50 out. He was happy with that and so was I lol x

OP posts:

mumbar · 02/05/2010 12:50

Brilliant!! My DS found 1p on the pavement yesterday and wanted to know what he could buy with it! Having read this thread and the above incident I have decided to give him £2 a week pocket money to try and teach him the value. Mindyou he's only 5 (nearly 6) so I'm not sure how sucessful it will be!

Spatchadoodledo · 02/05/2010 13:50

I think you have done a great thing - I think it has really taught him the value of money, iyswim?

selby · 02/05/2010 13:53

I have a hoarder 6 yr old DS too. We've started giving him pocket money this year - £1 a week. So far, he's only been willing to spend it on Ipod apps. DH actually takes the money off him and gives him change! I do agree that it's a good life lesson though. DS is also eagle eyed at spotting coins on the floor when we're out and about - don't think that's an attractive trait to encourage though.

mumbar · 02/05/2010 13:55

Gave him to £2 this morning and we are off swimming in a bit and he's offered to pay fo himself bless!! I just wxplained swimming etc is things that I will pay for and £2 is for extras such as magazines, toys he may want to save for etc. Am I doing it right?

Karmann · 02/05/2010 14:26

What a great mum you are. You're teaching him responsibility but I do understand your guilty feelings. We always seem to end up feeling guilty as parents.

You're teaching him valuable lessons in life.

My DD took me out for lunch for the first time recently (she's 17) and she was so pleased that she was able to do that for me. I was really proud of her. She said to me "You've always looked after me mum and I'd like to do something for you."

Oh dear, I'm getting all emotional at the memory now!

tillyfernackerpants · 02/05/2010 14:30

mumbar, that's what I do. Ds1 (4) gets a bit of pocket money each week (but he has to do a couple of jobs to earn it!), he saves it so he can buy his favourite magazine each month.

tillyfernackerpants · 02/05/2010 14:31

Karmann, that's so lovely of your dd

TheFirstLady · 02/05/2010 14:32

Karmann- that is lovely

mumbar · 02/05/2010 17:28

thanks tilly - I have said to DS that he has to do his jobs and behave or he may lose some pocket money. Usually his jobs are laying the table and putting some of his clothes away after they've been ironed but he's got the hoover out and tried this week so think this could work for both of us!!!

Karmann how lovely what what a fantastic relationship you must have with your daughter.

Karmann · 02/05/2010 18:00

I'd like to think so mumbar. She went to live with her dad when she was 14 and it broke my heart but we have always remained close. Think it had more to do with the boy next door to her dad though!

I know I'm her mum but she is great! And she passed her driving test last week so now she can come to see me more. Yay!

mumbar · 02/05/2010 18:06

Oh more good news thats fabulous. So she'll be wanting petrol money instead of pocket money!!

Karmann · 02/05/2010 18:10

Lol! You're so right. Nice thing is though she's never expected anything from me.

You just end up replacing one worry with another! Now I worry that she's safe in her car!

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