Last week I had a heart scan to see if I have a hole in my heart - it showed that I do have one. I've been ill for around 3 years with some mysterious thing which no one can put their finger on, so while it's not nice to be told I have a problem with my heart, it is also reassuring to know that all this stuff is real and not me being a neurotic nutcase (which some people had suggested!). So it was a bit of bad news, and a bit of a relief as well, but still a lot to take in and a lot to think about. Initially I felt ok about it, more relieved at first, then it suddenly hit me - I have something wrong with my heart which means I'll either have to have heart surgery or take some vile medication for the rest of my life - both solutions, but not massively appealing ones!
My mother forgot all about the scan, but called me later after I left her a message. She denied having forgotten, and said she just hadn't called or sent me a text to wish me luck but had been sending me 'positive vibes' (she had been swanning about London at galleries all day).
Anyhoo, we had a slightly tense conversation about that, then she proceeded to grill me about the ins and outs of the diagnosis, which I really didn't feel like going through in minute detail, but did as much as I could. The next day she tried to call in the morning, but I didn't answer as I was feeling quite miserable (with the addition of PMT - nice timing!) and was trying to entertain my 2 year old son at the same time. So I didn't answer her call. Then she called again, then again, leaving neurotic sounding messages on my mobile and home phone. Then she called my partner at work, who suggested she stop trying to call me for a bit and give me a bit of space (not prompted by me - good on him!), then she got my step-dad to call me and leave a sombre sounding message urging me to call her etc. So I went out to get some fresh air and take my son to the park. I honestly didn't feel like going through it all again with her, she doesn't do sympathy, empathy or anything like that but instead likes to wind me up and tell me to do all sorts of things (write letters demanding earlier appointments, etc) which at that point in time I felt I did not need. I sent her a text saying I was fine but had plans all day and would speak to her later.
This morning I spoke to her, and after a brisk 'How are you feeling?' she went on to tell me in a terse fashion that I really should have spoken to her yesterday. I tried explaining all of the above - that I'd received some bad news and wanted time to think it through in my own way, wanted to spend the day with my son just relaxing, and had felt low in the morning and not up to talking about it all, but all her replied were to do with her and her needs not having been met by my behaviour.
Am I being unreasonable to not have to put her needs first at this particular point in time? I know it would have been nice for us to be able to chat about it, but as she doesn't do chatting, just ordering and winding-up, is it so unreasonable of me to want to shield myself from that? She made me feel like I was a terribly selfish person for doing this. Have I been?