to not want my 3 year old DD

[sevenkeystomysoul]

to stay overnight in a house with no stairgate, no toddler bed (just a travel cot) and with a carer who drinks at least one (and more usually two) bottles of wine a night?

Sounds like my house.

on a serious note, who is the carer? and YANBU.

YABU to the first 2 but not the third.

no stairgate (do 3yo's really need a stairgate?) and a travel cot wouldn't be an issue at all for me.
The wine would depend on how the carer is after that amount.

I agree with hf

YABU to stairgate, YANBU to travelcot, how is she going to go for a wee. YANBU to drunken 'carer'.

Well she's your child so YANBU, but it's the wine thing really. Well it'd have to be seen as I live in a house with no stairgates and have a 3yo who sleeps at grandparents in a travel cot (and they don't have stairgates either)

If they said they wouldn't drink and were otherwise trustworthy (as I assume they are if you are considering leaving your child there) then no problem. But a bit too much wine for my liking.

callmeDave: shouting ' I NEED A WEE' generally does it.

Stairgate and toddler bed not needed for 3yo.

Two bottles of wine more worrying tho. What's the situation?

my 3 year old DS stays with my parents in a travel cot (he actually sleeps better in it than he does in bed) and they have no stairgates. the drinking thing would be a worry though - why would you choose a carer who drinks like that though?

crikey another thread about drunk in charge of LOs, whats going on?

I would never leave a child of mine with someone who drank that much. ever.

Can you lend them a stair gate?
Is there a normal single bed?
Will they definitely be drinking so much on that night?

Non of mine would have the forsight to shout "I need a wee" with enough time for drunken carer to stagger upstairs and assist with getting out of cot. I would let them sleep in a makeshift bed on the floor at age 3 though.

Stairgate for a 3-year-old a bit OTT, IMO, but I would want a bed not a travel cot. And two bottles of wine waaaay too much for your average babysitter.

Jareth, the carer is her dad, and he is renewing pressure on me to have her overnight. The travelcot may not be an issue on an ocassional basis, but if she were to stay regularly, she would need her own bed. The stairgate because she gets up in the night, and sleepy wandering in an unfamiliar house (unfamiliar to her in the middle of the night that is) would require a stairgate. But the biggest issue is, of course, his drinking. ChasingSquirrels, do you know anybody who would be capable of looking after a toddler after two bottles of wine? I have refused point blank because of his drinking (which I know, from experience, means he is usually passed out cold and completely unwakeable on the sofa by about 9pm most nights. He doesn't even attempt to convince me he won't drink if he has her overnight, just says that 'it (meaning overnight stays) will have to happen at some point'. Yes, when she's old enough to look after herself while her father is slumped in an alcoholic daze on the sofa

And the OP is off to find the corkscrew?

Cross posts! Sorry.

I actually have no idea

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here, but I don't think you should let her stay there if he is likely to be passed out cold on the sofa at 9pm. What if she does need a wee and he doesn't hear her, what if she has a bad dream, sounds a bit grim TBH, might frighten her to stay there.

SarfEasticated, you're not speaking out of turn at all. I have no intention of letting her stay overnight for the reasons I have stated, and the one's you have. I have been refusing for about a year and a half now, but he's recently stepped up his campaign. I expect it's to piss me off rather than any real desire to have her overnight. As far as I'm concerned, it's just not safe, and he can take me to court if he's that serious about it, although that would necessitate him putting his hand in his pocket so I can't see it happening.

I should have added YANBU
Sorry you're in such a shitty position.