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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to stop DS9 going to party

47 replies

racmac · 30/04/2010 15:20

DS9 keeps getting into trouble at school. On Weds evening he said he was going to be really naughty for this particular teacher - I told him if i got called into school he would miss his party

Fast forward to today i get call from said teacher to say ds was supposed to tell me she wanted a word - ds been naughty and messing around, shouting out, breaking ruler etc - he didnt tell me - he could have forgotten but doubtful.

Shall i ban him from party or is that too mean?

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 30/04/2010 17:16

is it his own party? Will he be kept upstairs while the invited children go on with the party?

pointydog · 30/04/2010 17:21

who's party?

You shouldn't really have said he wouldn't be able to go if you thought there was a chance you wouldn't want to follow through

pointydog · 30/04/2010 17:21

whose natch

Original poster

racmac · 30/04/2010 17:23

a football end of season party

OP posts:

diddl · 30/04/2010 17:25

It´s just that dyslexia can affect all lessons-and confidence.

oldmum42 · 30/04/2010 17:30

if the school have decided that your child has a behaviour problem, they may only have assessed him for behaviour related issues.

The behaviour could be a response/coping mechanism that he used to hide or cover up the real problem.

My DS2 has dyslexia and was using the same behaviours as your DS to cover up. He is now diagnosed, gets help and is a different kid - this month he is sitting his exams and is expected to achieve very high grade, something we would not have thought possible a couple of years ago.

If you google "dyslexia" you'll find a ton of usefull stuff - there are "self screening" tests you can use as a rough guide to whether your child may have Dyslexia - we used these as a starting point for our DS2, and he scored in the "very dyslexic" range. This gave us the info we needed to have a dialogue with the school, without feeling we were just making excusess for his behaviour.

PurpleHeffalump · 30/04/2010 20:39

Well done for following through on your threat. However, I think you need to have a bit of a look at your parenting if you needed to come on here to ask if you should not let him go. (I'm sure that I won't be popular, but hey, what do I care!)

In my opinion it's a simple equation. He said that he was going to misbehave + You told him that he wouldn't be allowed to go to party if he did + He did misbehave = He doesn't go to party.

As a teacher (hence fully anticipating not being popular!), this is THE reason why children continually misbehave in school (and therefore disrupt their own learning and others') - nothing is followed through by parents/ parents make excuses for their child.

Before anyone comes back at me: 1)You and your husband have agreed that he misses the party so you made the right decision (but my point is that there should never have been any doubt about this, and certainly no thoughts of being unpopular with your child should have been taken into account) 2) His teacher may well be crap - I know of a few in my school who I would be horrified at the thought of them teaching my child 3) He may well have SEN that aren't being met at the school and therefore feeding into his behaviour.

Original poster

racmac · 01/05/2010 08:54

Purpleheffalump - i take your point but sometimes we all doubt ourselves and whether or not we are making the right decision - i just wanted a second opinion the same way i might ask my mum

I do struggle with this parenting lark though and although i am consistent i find it makes no difference he is still rude, doesnt do what he is told etc etc

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 01/05/2010 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumbar · 01/05/2010 09:33

YANBU to follow through with your punishment.

However I would think about a differnt punishment maybe. If its a child's birthday party then your DS missing out may punish them too if they really wanted him there. I say this from experience.

Perhaps withdraw another priveledge BUT do follow through.

overmydeadbody · 01/05/2010 09:34

poor teachers at your DS's school.

Well done for following throuigh with the threat.

Original poster

racmac · 01/05/2010 11:45

mumbar - its an end of season football party so no particular child missing out

OP posts:

RedRedWine1980 · 01/05/2010 11:50

I find this thread interesting in contrast with the teacher who attacked a pupil for being a persistant trouble maker.
I wonder if his parents tried to support him as much or didnt bother?
Very interesting.

maria1665 · 01/05/2010 12:00

Ban him from the party because his behaviour overstepped the line.

But set up reward system, acknowledging that he has to try harder and other kids and you realise that.

Get them to test for dyslexia! Its a no brainer. My sister was 17 before anyone picked it up, but looking back the signs were obvious. But they all, including my mum, wrote her off as a stubborn little madam. The GMTV website (bizarrely) has a really good test - I think they were doing a campaign about it.

Are you happy with the school?

mumoverseas · 01/05/2010 12:14

god, I hope you mean your son is aged 9 and he isn't your 9th son

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/05/2010 13:39

ban from party

if you threaten something you HAVE to carry it out

but def think you/dh/school/ds need to get together and all chat

Original poster

racmac · 01/05/2010 15:32

thanks for all the advise - we have had a big chat today and he as much as said he cant do the work and messes around so he doesnt have to do it. I intend to go in to school next week and talk to the teachers

Yes i am happy with the school - i think problems are noted here - he has been here about 6 months - it is a small village school and therefore not as easy to "hide" in class where as he was in a very big school before

He is 9 not my 9th

I will check out GMTV website - had look at the dyslexia stuff and it would make sense but can only find screening tests for adults and not children

OP posts:

junglist1 · 01/05/2010 15:48

You did the right thing definetely. I used to be quite inconsistent with mine because of other issues in our family life that made me overcompensate. It did me or the boys no good. It's not easy sometimes but well worth it in the longer term

mumbar · 01/05/2010 15:50

sorry racmac I musta mised the bit about football party I've just re read it. Pleased you've had a chat and feeling bit better. Best of luck with dylexia screeniung and getting any help your DS needs.

mrsrat · 01/05/2010 18:44

I told my 9 year old daughter the same thing. When she was really horrid to her sister I followed through with my threat even though I was so embarrassed as it was a sleepover with a really popular girl at her new school. My daughter was mortified and said " mummy I never believed you would do it, you have never done it before " she completely changed after that day. My advice follow through.

mumbar · 01/05/2010 18:54

love it mrsrat!!! Glad it work for you!!

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/05/2010 11:51

well done mrsrat

if you threaten something you HAVE to carry it out

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