to tell ds2 that he can't play cricket 4 times a week.

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

We had this discussion with ds2 (14) last night - he is a keen cricketer and plays for a local team - well, the most local team there is, which is actually a good 20 minute drive away.

He is currently playing for the U15s and they want him to play for the 3rd Eleven too - but that would mean practices on Tuesday and Wednesday (6.30 - 8.30), and matches on Friday evening and all day Sunday.

Dh and I think that this is not reasonable, for several reasons. Firstly, it is taking up a lot of his weekday evenings, and as he is doing his Standards courses, we are worried about him committing so much time elsewhere.

Secondly, it means a whole lot of chauffeuring for dh and I, and buggers up three evenings a week (plus making it harder to work in any activities the other two dses want to do).

Thirdly, he would have to drop out of the school musical, because the wednesday and friday rehearsals obviously clash with cricket practice and matches.

Fourthly he already has a morning paper round and an afternoon one, and is going to be knackered if we add in even more cricket.

And finally, it means that three days a week he has to grab a quick snack before cricket, and then have his dinner microwaved when he gets home, which will mean him eating too late, in my opinion - unless I only cook things on those days that he can have before cricket (which will be too early, I think) and that can them be reheated for the rest of us.

But he loves cricket, and is desperate to play more - am I being mean and unreasonable not to let him?

I would let him but you need to organise some lift shares with other boys so you are not driving him there all the time. I think you should be delighted that he wants to commit to this instead of mooching around town drinking and the fact he has a job makes me like him even more - he sounds ace...let him give it a try...if school suffers or he's too tired you can rethink it.

I think the biggest issue would be the unfairness on the other DC - is there no way he can get there without being chauffered? I don't think you can run your lives round the passion of one DC, but OTOH I think its great for a teenager to have a passion, so I would want to let him do it if at all possible.

BTW we have long run our lives to work with DSs passion for music, but that's different as we only have the one, so it's only us parents who have to decide to take the disruption!

Hmm, very difficult. I had this with DD1 last year and my main reasons for not being happy about the situation was the chauffeuring around (all of it down to me) and the meals. Also, I felt that it was limiting the amount of time she had for homework and for just doing nothing time which I feel is very important. She did decide for herself to give up on one of the activities because it was increasing from one evening a week to two which was going to clash with something else which she prefers.

On the other hand if he really enjoys it then it does seem a bit mean not to encourage him. If he gave up on some of it then he'd be out anyway at the school musical rehearsals.

Are there any other parents you could car share with so that you don't have so much chauffeuring to do? I don't think you should worry too much about the dinner situation. DD had hers at 9.15 last night - way too late really, but she can't eat beforehand and she can't not eat at all.

To be honest, I am probably more concerned about DD2 who does no activities - so YABU

Sorry SDTG, I think YAB a bit U. I think that I would be thrilled if one of my DCs had such a passion. I really want that for them. Granted, I'm not there yet age-wise, and i can see that the lift thing is a pain. And you'll have to see if he is getting too tired, but maybe have a trial period. It's only summertime at this pace, anyway, I take it ?

To be honest im going to disagree a little and say you are being slightly U.

It actually depends on how talented he is at it. If his involvement could lead to a possible career, university acceptance, or the oppotunity to see some life through traveling etc I think if would be unfair to not allow him.

Children involved heavily in sport often have less "drama" in teenage years. Their FOCUS means they often avoid the usual drinking, partying etc etc as they are just too busy. If he is playing cricket friday evenings he cant be anywhere else IYSWIM.

I was involved at international level in a sport and I got a university scholarship because of it.

I travelled, grew up, made life long friends and saw a different world to most teenagers my age. My parents and family gave up a lot, emotionally and finacially, but I have asked them as an adult and they said they would never change what the did.

Look into all the options re car pooling etc. Have your DS draw up a timetable so you are assured he has a handel on how much hard work things will be.

If its too hard you can always stop after giving it a try, but you really dont want him looking back and regreting not doing something.

I hope all works out and good luck!

Good advice from everyone - thankyou. I will talk to dh about it again, and I will as ds2 to see if he could organise some lift-shares, and we can see how it goes.

YANBU. I understand why you feel bad about it though. I'm struggling with ds's football and that's only twice a week plus tournaments which take up big chunks of weekends.

I want him to be happy and I love it that it's a sporty interest and he's keen, but it starts to have a hell of an impact on family life when you're juggling meals and homework and everyone else's hobbies.

But if he's made a commitment to school musical, surely you need to teach him that commitments must be honoured and you can't cancel on these things?

Just think how proud you'll be when he wins the Ashes.

Do you have a slow cooker? We at times have quite a hectic life, with sport and other commitments.
I find my slow cooker a real blessing - chuck some vegies and meat in it in the morning with some herbs and stock (takes two minutes) and then at the end of the day all I have to do is cook some pasta / rice or buy a crusty loaf.
Quick meals don't have to be unhealthy.

Also, I keep a bowl of fruit for all snacks, and crackers if they need a carb hit.

I think if he really cares enough to sort out some/all of the transport issues, and not to mind about the musical, and to get all his school work done around it, then I would let him play.

I would set a proviso - largely around schoolwork - i.e. the minute his schoolwork is suffering, he drops out of the 3rd Eleven.

Is he going to be a professional cricketer? If not, you'd be doing his future partner a huge favour by teaching him that family life doesn't stop because he wants to play cricket.

SkipHopJump - I agree with you about the musical, but unfortunately he has made commitments to both the musical and the cricket - and when he started the musical, he didn't know he'd be expected to do wednesday practices and friday matches for cricket - that's where the clashes are.

I have spoken to the club, and they say he can do tuesdays and fridays - but this still clashes with the extra musical rehearsals that we didn't know about until this week.

I am torn - it is great that he has a passion for cricket, and there are far far worse things a teenager could be doing, I know.

It does seem sensible to give it a go, and see how he copes and how the rest of us cope too. I guess I could also plan a lot of salads for supper - that way he could eat before going out, and top up with a spot of cereal when he gets home.

Speaking of which, I should be in the kitchen now - ds3's birthday cake won't make itself, nor will supper - whether ds2 has it before tonight's match or after.

Could you compromise? My brother was a big cricketer. He did just U15s during term time, but then was allowed to do 3rd XI / 2nd XI as well once end of year exams were over. If the cricket club is good, they'll understand that school commitments need to come first for the next couple of months. There will still be the whole of July and August left for him to do 3rd XI cricket. We were about 20 mins from cricket ground too - people shared rides where possible. Even if it meant a detour of 10-20 mins to pick someone up, it meant dad only had to do half of the journeys during the week.

That sounds sensible too, meg - I have had a chat with ds2, and he'd be happy with that - now I need to persuade dh. And it would have to be on the condition that his work and health didn't suffer, of course.

i think YABU.You have to support your DCs interests.Cricket isn't as strenuous as all that.I see some local boys round at the nets virtually every night.

Well presumably teh OP doesn't have to sit watching him all that time.It's just a question of dropping him off and picking him up.

Give it a go and see how everyone copes, personally I couldn't say no as I think getting a child into a sport is the best thing you could hope for at that age, think of the alternatives!!!

We've had a word with the team manager tonight (the match was cancelled because of rain), and he is happy for ds2 to try playing for the U15s and the 3rd XI, and to see how it goes - as I said, this is providing he can sort out lifts.

It's such a short season..........

Not much to add except that I now have one that is totally obsessive about cricket also, to the extent that when he asked if we were going away on holiday in the summer, and said yes (not unreasonable to be away 2 weeks?) he looked miserable and then said, oh well, I can play every day for the other four weeks.....But like someone said, summer is hsort, and hildhood is short, and what the hell with a bit of schedule twweaking can surely be accommodated....

I think that if they have a healthy interest at that age you do your best to accommodate it-good luck.