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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cross with school about poor DS

30 replies

hoppershopper · 29/04/2010 19:39

I really wanted to vent about an incident at my DS's school this afternoon and I know there are a few teachers who use this boards so wanted to know if this should have happended.

I recieved a call whist at work this afternoon at 2.55pm from school. School finishes at 3.10pm.

Those who have recived a call from school will know how stomach dropping that can be in itself, so my panic levels were already rising. It took the receptionist about 45 seconds to get to the point that DS (aged 6) had had an 'accident'
What sort of accident, i asked to which she replied the 'pooing type'

So at this point im slightly relieved as i was imagining he was in the back of an ambulance or something, but the teacher said, you need to come and get him now.

I explained that I was at work, which she knew full well as she had rung my work switchoard and that it would take me over 45 minutes to get to school as I was in a works vehicle and had to go back to base to get my car etc etc and my husband was even further away.
She said that he needed to be taken out of school straight away.

My neighbour has very kindly been collecting DS from school all this week as my parents are on their hols so its all been a bit of a nightmare!

I said that school was due out in 10 minutes, couldnt he just be cleaned up and put his gym pants on and go home which would give me chance to get away from work and I would see him there, to which she said ' No were not allowed and that I had to come and sort him out myself as they couldnt allow my neighbour to sort him out either. (Not that i would have asked really as its a bit unfair)

Now, I do understand the reasons for this, but isnt this going a it too far?
What she was basically saying was my DS would have to wait there for me to arrive, caked in poo.
I asked if anyone had asked him to try and sort himself out, so she went and asked the head.

Top and bottom of it is that i was sooo upset that he would be left like that I went to school in works car (frowned upon) and found him in his original school shorts with clean undies and he had managed to clean himself up and that the mess wasnt as dramatic as it had been made out and all was well.

So firstly I am cross that I recieved the demand to go to school or else he would be left, and if given the chance he could have managed and by that time school was out anyway

Are schools really not allowed to help a child if needed in this way?

Would have been pretty miffed if my DDs nursery had rung every fews hours asking me to come in for a nappy change.

This is a complete one off from my DS and he has mentioned something about not being allowed to leave the line he was in, but havent pushed it further as he is really upset (sad]

OP posts:
howmuchdidyousay · 29/04/2010 19:45

YANBU.I would have argued that they were in loco parentis and had a duty of care to my DS and they were breaching that duty.
Schools can and do have to sort out/ help the child to sort out poo accidents all the time.

fernie3 · 29/04/2010 19:51

YANBU I dont know the "rules" on this sort of thing but surely whoever is left in charge on a child has to deal with issues like this no matter how old that child might be?

RooBear · 29/04/2010 19:51

that's very strange YANBU, sounds like the school are a bit incompetent, just give your DS a hug. Was anything said when you arrived?

strawberrycake · 29/04/2010 19:52

How old is he? At my school providing the child isn't very young/ has sn we'd give them a carrier bag for the messy stuff and some fresh clothes to change into in the disabled loo which has privacy. We'd insist on collection if the child was clearly ill and/or in pain or highly distressed as in such a situation we must release them to someone who has responisbility for them. We'd be negligent to hand them over to an unknown person who does not have the authority to judge what mdeical treatment they need. It does depend a lot on the age/needs of your child and if we had rason to believe they were ill, rather than unlucky in making the loo on time. On the other hand if they were happy enough they'd go home as normal (possibly with a curt letter reminding about the return of the borrowed clothes from anyone who'd had to help them clean up-but hey we're human, we would be nice to the child though!) We wouldn't be thrilled about it if we had to clean up, and might be a little ratty at the end of a long day on the phone, but we'd help the child as needed and not show them how we felt.

strawberrycake · 29/04/2010 19:55

The 'rules' I must say though are difficult, we would need two adults spare to help with the clean up if the child needed help for cp reasons. Some adults who work in schools are very reluctant to help with this sort of thing because of the risk of being accussed of touching etc, they're not bad people at all or nasty but it's a fear if you work in school.It only takes one parental objection to an adult touching/ seeing their child for a whole heap of trouble for the person who helped them. As they get older this gets trickier because it's no longer the norm.

ScreaminEagle · 29/04/2010 19:59

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islandofsodor · 29/04/2010 19:59

YANBU.

Ds has had the very odd accident and has just been sent home in his PE kit with everything bagged up.

Original poster
hoppershopper · 29/04/2010 20:12

Thanks for the replies.
My DS is 5 almost 6, and i do realise that it wouldnt be the nicest job for someone to have to do, but i myself would rather do it for anothers child than have them stood there soiled for any length of time.

As i said before, i can understand how it has come to this with possibility of allegations etc, but a phone call to explain the situation to the parent to maybe ask permission if they were hesitant would be better than 'come now and sort out your own child' .

OP posts:
FabIsGoingToGetFit · 29/04/2010 20:15

I once went in to wipe a child's bottom when he had had an accident as his parents weren't available. It is crap that teachers are not allowed to use their common sense and compassion and clean a child up instead of leaving them feeling dirty - in both senses of the word.

InvaderZim · 29/04/2010 20:16

I have cleaned up an SEN child on several occaisions - in the disabled loos, two adults, tell other people what we're doing. Can't imagine them being so uncreative as to not be able to think up a solution.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 29/04/2010 20:16

He is 5??

tryingtobemarrypoppins2 · 29/04/2010 20:16

That is terrible! The school clearly are not looking after his emotional needs! Poor little boy. I teach and I would never allow that to happen. I am assuming your DS isn't in year 6?? Our lovely TA's are often cleaning up little ones it's part of the job.

gingernutlover · 29/04/2010 20:21

i am ateacher of 4-6 year olds and would never call a parent to clear their child up - I would call them only if the child was ill, but would still clean them up first.

At age 6 - you get them to clean themselves, and hold out a carrier bag to pop dirty clothes in while they pop new ones on. It's hardly rocket science is it????

strawberrycake · 29/04/2010 20:22

At 5 I'd say accidents are still pretty common! In such Case they should just deal with it! I was thinking of a possibly older child. We'd treat a five year old as still a bit of a baby really and just wipe him up with little thought.

Veritythebrave · 29/04/2010 20:35

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hoppershopper · 29/04/2010 20:35

Think i am going to email the school and ask them to clarify what the 'policy' actually is and tell them how upset i am that DS was treated in this way by them making such a big deal of it all.
Dont actaully trust myself to go in and speak directly as i might just swear

OP posts:
Veritythebrave · 29/04/2010 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NonnoMum · 29/04/2010 20:40

Afraid I think you are BU.
Only because I'm pretty sure 'the rules' are that no-one other than the parent is allowed to clean up the child.

Sorry - hope you are both OK.

tryingtobemarrypoppins2 · 29/04/2010 20:42

Mention Every Child Matters!!

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 29/04/2010 20:44

I wasn't the parent of the child whose bottom I was cleaning.

Veritythebrave · 29/04/2010 20:51

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

birdworthington · 29/04/2010 20:51

tryingtobemarrypoppins2--'Our lovely TA's are often cleaning up little ones it's part of the job'.

I am a TA and this is not part of my job. I am there to help learning not wipe bums. That's not to say I would leave him in it because I wouldn't, I would provide him with clean clothes and take him to the bathroom.

Op I do feel sorry for your son and think the school could have handled it better but, there are so many cp issues nowadays that it makes it harder to do these things.

A TA at my school had a disabled child that she used to help, one day the child told her mum the TA had scratched her whilst helping her dress.She was lucky that it was ok in the end but it could have been so much worse because people are so quick to shout abuse.

Undercovamutha · 29/04/2010 20:51

YANBU - my DD (in reception/nursery class) has had a few accidents and the teachers have always cleaned her up, changed her clothes, and generally been concerned to make sure that she is not embarrassed/left dirty for any amount of time. I find it unbelievable that your DS's school can be so unhelpful. YOur poor DS must have felt mortified. Did they really expect to leave him dirty for 45 minutes while you rushed to get there??? Very cruel IMO and I would seriously kick up a fuss.

tryingtobemarrypoppins2 · 29/04/2010 20:55

birdworthington you clearly don't work in Early Years! With the greatest of respect, it is part of our job.

Secondaryglazedover · 29/04/2010 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.