to think this woman has gone too far now?

[mampam]

Basically my DD's best friends mother (I'll call her A) seems to have a crush on DH. We've always thought she is quite odd and she has recently split up with her boyfriend and has 2 DC's with him although he isn't best friends dad.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and have had a rough time so far so DH does the majority of the school runs. In this time A has split with her boyfriend and started to collar DH at the school gates and cry on his shoulder. Can I just add that we don't even know her that well.

We both felt sorry for her as she doesn't seem to have any real friends. One day she collected her dd from school with the exbf and DH came home saying that the way she was behaving towards him it was obvious that A was trying to use DH to make her ex jealous. DH said she put him in an uncomfortable situation and he thought he was going to get punched.

Ever since then DH has tried to avoid A like the plague and TBH we had a good laugh about it.

However, we had DD's best friend around to play and when I was organising it with A she was insisting that she came to pick up her dd from our house, I really don't want to get caught with her going on about her problems so I said it was ok as both DH and I would around so one of her would drop her dd back. DH refused, so I took A's dd home and it was obvious she was expecting my DH.

She had just started putting together one of her young DC's new beds. This was nearly 7pm and she said she couldn't get her electric screwdriver to work and she commented on how she 'needed a man' to help her, seemed like a bit of a set up to me. I told her to go and bang on one of her neighbours doors and ask them!!

Maybe I'm being paranoid but since then I've notice that she will only wave if DH is in the car, not just at me. She has beaming smiles for DH. We were parked behind her at school, I stayed in the car and DH went to get DC's early and I could see her watching him as he walked into school and more bizaarly yesterday DH dropped DC's off at school and went straight to a job. He was working in the same village as A lives in and he said she followed him right to the house where he was working, even though it's a lot further on from where she lives!!

There are other things too but too many to mention. This woman does seem to thrive on drama and has said things like her exbf lays on top of her when he goes to her house. WTF? and he shouts in the face of her DD and makes her cry. She thinks the ex is stalking her and accuses her of having men etc etc. If this is the case why does she let him into her house? We spotted them out shopping together the other day.

AIBU to think that all this is just a little odd?

Just make sure you always see her together smiling adoringly and holding hands, that ought to sicken her

I'm just worried that she's some kind of fantasist who tells her exP a load of rubbish just to get him jealous and that one day he's going to punch DH's lights out. That's the kind of mentally this man has got.

your DH needs to be careful
my first thought is that she could be quite nasty and spread stories about him if he upsets her

StealthPolarBear- it is a bit of a worry. DH is too damn polite for his own good. If he had have been the one to drop off A's DD that evening I've no doubt he would have offered to put together the bed for her, that's just the way he is. She could have said anything about him, especially to her ex!

DH avoids her at school now especially as he said he felt very uncomfortable when more often than not it would just be the two of them (plus DC's) left in the playground whilst she was off loading her problems onto him.

Whatsort of a woman would try telling a man that she barely knows all her troubles and woes???? Unless she was deranged of course!

I'm worried for DH and I don't see what else he can do. Is there anything he can do?

If I were your DH, I would be very careful to never be alone with her in any situation. I'd also stop being anything other than distantly polite.

Chicken - I think you're right. It's blimmin awkward though when DD and A's DD are best friends.

I'll just have to make sure I do all future drop off's and try and do the school run as much as I possibly can. Going to be hard though as I've got to have a C-section and won't be able to drive for 6 weeks.

I feel sorry for your DH and you, he seems too polite for his own good! Apart from avoidance I can't think of anything to suggest, going to the police would be an option if it got worse but now it doesn't seem like enough to get them involved. does your DH know anybody at the school apart from her who he could get chatting too?

Hints about restraining orders might be good.

You don't have to encourage the children's friendship outside of school if it is going to cause problems.

Your Dh just needs to walk away if she starts talking to him.

People notice things and if she does decide to start saying things people will remember their chats that looked cosy.

I think he just needs to answer back
"I don't think that's appropriate"
"I'm not able to help"
"I don't think I'm the best person to talk to"
etc
come up with a plan!

I think the first suggestion of SPB's is good but the other two or too open to interpretation by her imo.

Fab - you're right I guess people would remember 'cosy little chats'.
Do you really think it's ok for me not to encourage DD's friendship out of school? Sort of feel a bit guilty about it.

Porphy - DH does sort of know one other mother at school who he talks to but has complained that A will butt into their conversation take over and start on about her troubles to him leaving him feeling very embarrassed. I think he generally stays at the top of the playground now and keeps himself to himself.

Stealth - we do really need a plan!!!!

Do you have any friends at school who you can confide in about this and get them to run interference? They could come over and rescue him if they see her talking to him.

I do.

We have had the opposite problem where a mother has fallen out with me so the children don't see each other out of school any more but they are still friends at school.

This woman is trying to get to you and your husband and you need to stop worrying about her and concentrate on your own family.

I think that this woman either a) likes the attention she thinks she is getting from DH or b) is purposefully trying to use DH as a way of making her ex jealous or trying to get at him rather than getting at me and DH.

Daft - we don't really know any of the other parents that well although I could have a quiet word with the other mother that DH talk's to. DD is good friends with this womans daughter too.

Can I just add that A's own mother is also very odd. I don't know her from adam and on my first day back after not doing the school run for 2 months she approached me and started on about A's problems and how she was tired etc as A and her kids had moved in with her during the break up. At this stage all I knew of the breakup was DD coming home and telling me that her friend had said that her mum and boyfriend had split up!!

It's a shame that it's affecting his relationships with other parents. Maybe you could try cultivating your DC's other friendships in a way that lets you both get to know other parents a little better so that they can 'rescue' your DH like Daft mentioned? Even if they do it unintentionally just by stopping and chatting to him.

Please be very very careful.SO many men who have affairs talk about a woman having a crush on them, to cover their traces.

I wouldn't involve anyone else in this - it will just cause gossip, exactly what you need to avoid.

Your DH just needs to avoid her as much as possible, never ever be alone with her.

The kids can be friends at school.

howmuchdidyousay thats a bit

OP i agree with the others on here,you need to come up with a plan & nip this in the bud.

Good luck with your cs.

Sorry I don't mean to upset you OP and obviously you know your DH and I don't.But have known it happen SO many times.

howmuchdidyousay thanks for posting, I truly welcome everyone's ideas and opinions. Trust me, this really hasn't got anything to do with feelings on DH's part except those of being really uncomfortable with the way this woman is behaving.

I'm the one who came to the conclusion that this woman has got a crush on DH, for him it's more about not wanting to know about someone's problems especially someone he doesn't really know and not being sucked into some kind of sordid game by which he is unwillingly being used to make the ex partner jealous.

I'm going to hate myself for saying this but and I'm truly not meaning to be unkind so if it comes out wrong then I apologise in advance. This woman, A, isn't attractive ( I know they don't have to be for a man to have an affair) but I would also describe her as not very hygenic either. Put it this way her teeth look as if she doesn't clean them and when she wears flip flops her feet are filthy. I know this sort of thing repulses DH!!

Would it be possible to ask a friend to do school runs for a few weeks, or hire a CM for a bit until you are back on your feet.

Yes the other mum that DH and I talk to at school has very kindly offered to fetch or take DC's whenever we need her to, plus I think my mum will be able to help out a bit too.

Hopefully after a couple of weeks I'll be able to go with DH to get the kids. It's picking up from school that is the problem really when you have to go into the school. In the morning DH can just pull up outside the school in the car and let them hop out.

If there are anymore incidents (like her following DH in the car) then I think we're going to start writing it all down and keeping a log, just in case.

Keep a log, for sure. I think she's headed into stalker territory, if it doesn't stop now.

There's a new Anti-Stalker section being run by the police now, hope you never need it, but just thought you ought to know

Sorry this going to sound
but many moons ago when I was 19 (he was 23)I used to out with a guy, we were together for 2 1/2 yrs, I thought the world of him, thought we'd get married blah blah blah,

at the time I used to work in a pub, with a woman who was 9 or so years older than me,
she was slightly over weight, was a bit 'mutton dressed as lamb' and wore far too much make-up, especially lipstick
my x bf and I actually used to laugh about her and he used to say he wouldnt want to kiss that, as it must be like kissing a jar of vaseline!!
When we split up, it turns out he was 2 timing me, with her.. and kissing it..yuk

Yuk majafa that's gross.

Thanks for all the warnings I'll bear them in mind

I still think though that this woman is just a wierdo. Hopefully by the end of June-ish there will be no need for DH to do the school runs anymore so hopefully problem solved. Just got to be wary until then.