Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to think this teacher was out of order?

29 replies

AnAngelWithin · 29/04/2010 10:11

DD1 (8) in year 3. She has been stewing over something for a couple of weeks. She's not the type to talk openly, but I have made her a 'worry book' that she occasionally writes in. But somethings got to her really bad, shes not even wrote in that.

For the past few weeks, shes been going swimming on a wednesday afternoon with the school. She hates water. She started going in year 2 and didn't like it then either. I tried taking her myself, just me and her, just to try and build her confidence in the water a bit, and she was just shaking and crying even though we went for a few months! The waiting list for private lessons here is something ridiculous as well, we have got no chance.

Anyway, she came out of school yesterday in an awful mood (not like her...she usually screams 'MUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMY and throws herself at me when she comes out!) and last night she barely ate her tea, she was whimpering, hardly slept, didn't want to go to school this morning (not like her at all if you knew her!! She loves school!! to the point she was in tears when she realised she was off for another week over easter when she thought she was going back!) On the way to school this morning, she started crying and blurted out that the other year 3 teacher yelled at her in the pool yesterday, even resorted to telling DD that another teacher was getting really fed up of her not wanting to do anything in the water and...wait for it....she made dd stay in for the 2nd year 3 session, so she had to stay in an extra session, petrified Thought it was out of order really.

DD didn't want to go to school this morning as she had got this teacher for maths. She is such a timid little soul, she shouldn't be scared at that age. I would have gone and had a word with this teacher, but didn't really see what good it would do, as apparently shes just the sort to yell at everyone and shes really strict. So I asked the headteacher to ring me. Waiting for that now. Not sure if i have done the right thing just going straight to the head??

OP posts:

YesYouMust · 29/04/2010 10:13

I would have tried talking to the other teacher, but it's done now, i would be LIVID!

YANBU

thisisyesterday · 29/04/2010 10:16

i think you have done absolutely the right thing!

i am appalled actually, and if someone treated one of my children like that I would have no qualms about pulling them out of school until it was sorted

that is bullying, plain and simple. what a nasty woman that teacher must be

your daughter has a genuine fear about something, despite this she is carrying on with her weekly lesson, even though she hates it. she is only 8 years old! what more does this teacher want???? how vile

your poor dd, i hope that you can get this sorted. would she be happier if she didn't have to go swimming? I think i would definitely be asking if she could sit and watch instead. because if they carry on like this then you;ll end up with a child who hates water for life. she needs gentle encouragement, not shouting and bullying

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 29/04/2010 10:16

As a teacher I am shocked by this, why would anyone force a clearly terrified child to stay in the pool. Maybe I can empathise a bit because I too was scared of water at this age and didn't leanr to swim until the age of 11.

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 29/04/2010 10:18

thanks. I don't actually even know who this other teacher is, only by reputation.

Next week is supposed to be the last week of swimming but I am debating writing a letter to keep her out of it. She really is so scared I thought that too...she still goes every week even though shes scared bless her.

OP posts:

screamingskull · 29/04/2010 10:20

don't think i would be too happy either..

at least you have called school to do something about it, regardless of head or year group teacher.

can you not ask for her to be excused from the swimming lessons and take her yourself, when you are both free, for her to get used to the water.

good luck with the school

screamingskull · 29/04/2010 10:21

oops just saw you have been taking her

sorry

sunnydelight · 29/04/2010 10:25

Definitely don't send her next week whatever happens. I think I would be inclined to keep her home "sick" rather than possibly entering into a debate about it, but you may not be comfortable with that. She does need to try and overcome her fear of water as being able to swim is pretty essential for safety, but there are better ways to do it.

I know you said the wait for private lessons is long but I think just wait until you get a space as that's the way to go. DS2 was terrified of water, we tried everything with no joy but after two sessions of 1:1 with a really nice cheerful bloke who made the whole thing fun he loved it and has never looked back.

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 29/04/2010 10:43

i agree sunny, i learnt to swim at a late age, and I do think that it is an ability that people should have, but at the moment, shes too young to have this kind of pressure, and if she's constantly made to feel inadequate and scared, then it's only going to make her worse. We are waiting for the spaces on the swimming lessons, like you say, hopefully the 1:1 will make a difference.

OP posts:

RedRedWine1980 · 29/04/2010 10:49

Fucking hell shes eight years of age- i'd be bloody tempted to punch the nasty bastard on the nose for making my child feel like that!

I would ask the headteacher to arrange a meeting with this teacher so you can express your concerns and make that teacher squirm. He/she (dunno which gender lol) might not be quite so brave when face to face with someone nearer their own age.

paisleyleaf · 29/04/2010 10:51

thisisyesterday: "if they carry on like this then you;ll end up with a child who hates water for life"
I agree with that. Stupid teacher.

oldspice · 29/04/2010 10:56

I'm disgusted by this.

Your daughter is scared of swimming - how does shouting at her and making her stay for an extra half hour help her? She now feels that she is inadequte somehow and probably blames herself.

I would ask this teacher what the point of treating her like this is. Your DD now sees swimming as a punishment instead of something to be enjoyed.

I am livid just thinking about this....

Tiredmumno1 · 29/04/2010 11:00

For once i agree with redredwine .

some not all teachers are terrible and to set in their own ways. hope you sort it op.

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 29/04/2010 11:00

there are 2 others in the 'lower' group, 2 boys. She didn't shout at them or make them stay longer I am getting more and more wound up thinking about it. Hoping the head teacher rings me soon

OP posts:

ljgibbs · 29/04/2010 11:19

OMG what a horrible, bullying teacher, please put in an official complaint about them.

The school have a duty of care towards your DD, making sure she feels safe and happy in school. What the teacher did was very cruel.

Plumm · 29/04/2010 14:09

Don't keep your daughter off "sick" next week, just tell them she won't be attending swimming and the reason why.

MintHumbug · 29/04/2010 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumpsoon · 29/04/2010 14:26

YANBU ,however i wouldnt stop your dd going to the swimming lessons . i would have a chat with the teachers and swimming instructor and say that dd will be watching the session ,in her costume and can sit at the side of the pool with her feet dangling in the water until she decides she is ready to join in .
As a child water was like a magnet to me and so i learnt very early ,my brother was terrified and did exactely as i described above in his school lessons and eventually he decided the time was right to have a go and learnt to swim very quickly after that . My own son was scared of water too ,he had a fab instructor who taught him how to float first on his back ,and then told him if he ever felt scared he could just float for however long he needed ,this made him feel safe in the water and so gave him more confidence .Hopefully if your dd doesnt feel pressured to join in ,she will come round to the idea of swimming in her own time.

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 29/04/2010 17:05

just got off the phone to the deputy head who took me seriously (would have rather have spoken to the head himself really but he wasn't there) I said that I was debating keeping her off swimming next week, and though she did say that children should learn to swim etc, she also appreciated my point of view that dd was genuinely scared. Anyway, she said she would have a word with the teacher in question. We agreed we would see how dd is on wednesday morning next week as to if she goes or not, but I have made it clear that i will NOT force her to go! DD won't talk about it tonight, i think it coming out this morning was an outburst of it all building up really so I don't know how her maths lesson with this teacher even went.

OP posts:

diddl · 29/04/2010 17:12

What the teacher did was disgusting-although I´m wondering why you send her when she is so scared.

Bigpants1 · 29/04/2010 18:17

Hi. Glad the deputy Head says hell have "a word" with this teacher. However, I do think this teacher "crossed a line" and it is unfortunate your dd has her for maths also.
I would be inclined to either officially complain, or put my concerns strongly-in a LETTER to the Head and cc it to the LEA.
This way, you have a written record of the incident and the school must respond to your concerns in writing.
Agree with previous poster that majority of teachers are caring, but some are too "old school" and drag their feet at changing their teaching methods and sometimes need a wake-up call.

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 29/04/2010 18:42

diddl cos even though she was scared, she still wanted to go cos her friends do, and she said she would like to learn how to swim, she just seems to struggle to cope with being scared about it.

OP posts:

janeite · 29/04/2010 18:46

As somebody who was forced, aged about 7, to jump into the deep end and who has been scared of swimming ever since, I would be furious if this had happened to my child. And I am a teacher who would normally advise talking to a teacher, rather than going over the teacher's head. In this case, though, I think the teacher has been a bully and the head needs to know.

diddl · 29/04/2010 18:57

OP-is she scared of water or learning to swim?

howmuchdidyousay · 29/04/2010 19:39

But surely tyou signed a permissiuon slip for her to go swimming and presumably paid for the lessons?
I don't think the school can win here.If a parent pays for a lesson and then their child comes home without having putr a toe in the water, I am guessing many would complain.
I know my DD1 once hurt herself pretty badly on the assymetric bars at gymnastics needing to go to hospital.The next time after she was better, she felt sick at going on them and was crying and begging not to.But the coach made her do it and after a few minutes she was fine.
I think sometimes we just need to face up to our phobias.Otherwise what you remember is the feeling sick ,heart pounding etc which just compounds the problem

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 29/04/2010 19:42

You really ought to have spoken to the teacher. She shouts at everyone? Tough, she has behaved appallingly towards your child, surely you can take a bit of shouting.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread