to tell my ex to F*** off

[kimplus4]

my childrens father is supposed to have the kids on a sunday. this sunday he picked them up and dropped them off fine and they went to school on mon happy as ever.
on mon night he called and said hes not having them this sun as he has been invited to an art galler and PISS up in town.
he said so ill pick them up after school on wed night. now i have already arranged for my mum to pick up my daughter from school after after school club which i have already paid for, and for the babies to say at the child minders till 5. AIBU to tell him that seeing the kids is a bigger priority than a night out, that i never get a night out and now he shall have to wait to see them next sunday because of the short notice etc.
(he has already messed me around on numerous occasions about what day to have them and he stated last month that every sunday was best for him)
many thanks ladies and gents
kimbers x

yab a bit u....he has them every sunday? not alternate.....i think he's entitled to cancel if something else crops up.....but he's trying to amend it by sugggesting an alternative

tell him what you told us and offer a different day?

I don't think you should do that - instead how about this:

"Thanks for letting me know. It's a shame as the kids will be so disappointed as they enjoyed it so much on Sunday. Unfortunately I have plans wednesday so can't change".

There are many ways to skin a cat and you cannot make him do anything, however you can stick to your side of the bargain.

Hopefully by guilting him into it he will stick to sundays in future

So you're all thinking of ways to 'pay him back' and not letting him have the Wednesday

Yes it is annoying if you yourself can't have time off, but things do come up in life and it's not unreasonable for him to be doing something else one sunday. He is interested, and he has asked to see them mid-week. If you refuse because you are annoyed, you are putting your own frustrations ahead of the children. If they would like to see him mid-week, then don't let your own annoyances stand in the way, that's really unfair

Nope, it's not about 'paying him back'

It's about finding the way to engage with him so he can be with the children and also finding a balance so he doesn't fuck up the OP's plans - she has already paid for the after school club.

It's all about balance.

well i did offer hima different day but he said wed eve or nothing as he is too busy painting and working ( he works 2 days a week!) i work 5 between uni and my job at the childrens ctr.
i dont want to be unreasonable but i feel i gave him the choice of when he wanted to see them and he said he wanted to have them every sun afternoon. ( he dosent have them all days as its too much for him apparently|)
we have 4 kids and im shattered and i dont feel i should have to accommodate him all the time when he decides to mess me around. athis is the 3rd sunday in 7 that he has changed his plans and i have had to giggle around to fit his time in with the kids.

id tell himto either piss on the pot of get off - total bollocks he is.

lol do you mean 'jiggle'....?

well yes,see your point. its a long road ahead,am on it now too,but i guess he'll learn!

thanks 3 blond boys... how do you and ex manage visitation, im just interested as maybe i could suggest alternate weekend or something instead.
thanks x

We don't!! He's abusive so court ordered no contact. But I was in court system 2 years and heard allsorts!

I suppose as your dc get older and ex settles, then you could move on to overnight. But sounds like you're doing a good job now anyway.