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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be disappointed that my inlaws didnt get our DD a christening present?

50 replies

daisyblossom · 28/04/2010 10:32

DH accepted money from his parents towards the tea afterwards, which was bad enough as i felt it was something we should have been doing as parents for our DD's special day but went along with it despite it being initially done behind my back. I am now sorting through her gifts and find that PIL's haven't given anything. my MIL in particular is so quick to interfere critisize enthuse about anything to do with DD i cant help wondering why if there was money they wanted to spend, they didnt get DD a present rather than interfere in how we wanted to organise our day? Cant believe her grandparents havent given her a gift! AIBU???

OP posts:

pagwatch · 28/04/2010 12:47

at christening list

well you need to keep the prezzies rolling in between wedding, baby shower and first birthday.
The whinging about gifts tends to dry up in that tricky middle months period

gramercy · 28/04/2010 12:50

Ha, ha - Baptzilla!

mumoverseas · 28/04/2010 12:53

my lovely mum bought DC1, 2 & 3 beautiful engraved Waterford crystal gifts from the family jewellers in Waterford when they were baptised. All slightly different and with their names and DOB engraved. I like to think that they will remind them of nannie in the future. DC1 and 2 are now 16 and 13 and know they have them and other gifts which are put away in a box.
Sadly mum died just before DC 4's baptism last year but I got him one of the waterford crysal ornaments as know mum would have done and got it out of some of the money she left me so it is sort of from her.
I think for some they are a nice memento.

SoLongAsItsHealthy · 28/04/2010 12:59

I don't understand this - they paid for the party didn't they? My parents paid for our wedding reception, I didnt expect them to wrap up a toaster too!

Because of that, YABVVVVVU.

But I disagree with the posters who seem to think it's unreasonable to expect gifts on special occasions like weddings and christenings. Half the people sound a bit pious and disingenuous. The other half just sound like they're enjoying an opportunity to take the piss. I'm always reading on these boards about how none of you ever cared that no-one brought a gift to your wedding.... how come I've never met these people in real life?

When someone fails to send a card or gift at the major events in your life, it's not the cash value you miss, it's the gesture of kindness - that's what gift-giving is all about. Showing someone you've thought about them. Doing the right thing. It seems rather pompous to me that you would think your "presence" was worth more than spedning a couple of quid on a card or a tenner on a little present.

That said, the OP here is a selfish madam because her in-laws "bought" the child a party.

Journey · 28/04/2010 13:02

Your are being extremely unreasonable. I do question why you got your child christened when you have such a greedy, ungrateful attitude. It is hardly being a christian.

Your in-laws paying towards the tea afterwards was very kind and should of been viewed as a lovely thought. When my DS was christened my mum paid for all the drinks without telling me in advance. It was a lovely surprise when my DH went to pay the bill and very much appreciated.

I pray I don't get an ungrateful daughter-in-law like you. Your poor MIL.

lucykate · 28/04/2010 13:09

i'm confused, you've said in you post at 10.55 "we didn't expect gifts" and yet in you op, you've put "Cant believe her grandparents haven't given her a gift!"

you must have expected gifts a tiny bit or why would you feel the need to start a thread about the lack of one in particular?

lucykate · 28/04/2010 13:10

sorry, there are r's missing from 'your' in my post, wireless keyboard is playing up.

pagwatch · 28/04/2010 13:12

But Lucykate, in fairness, the post of 10.55 did include the OP saying that she realised she was wrong.
I think she has reflected and realised that her annoyance at lack of gift was inappropriate.

I think we are getting close to just beating on her now. Even thought I am quite proud of Baptzilla

notso · 28/04/2010 13:13

ROFL at Baptzilla

TheThingUpstairs · 28/04/2010 13:14

My SIL had a christening gift list for her DS2 - the only thing on it was John Lewis gift vouchers

jaabaar · 28/04/2010 13:16

Hi,

I didnt get presents from mother in law and brother in law at my wedding and neither at the birth of our daughter.

You are NOT being unreasonable. It does hurt. It did hurt me a lot.

5DollarShake · 28/04/2010 13:17

Of course children will look through gifts they did get and enjoy them in later years.

But they're hardly going to set up a running tally and say, 'OK, here's what Aunty X got me for my Christening; what did Grandad Y and Granny Z get me? And now - how about when I turned 2? Who didn't cough up for that?' are they? Some of the gifts we got for DS1'a Christening were clothes and cash - not the sorts of things you can go through in later years, but just as much appreciated.

And yes, it is lovely to receive gifts from people on special occasions, people like to give, etc, etc - but to come on here and complain about not getting them (especially when other contributions have been made) does take it to a slightly different level, doesn't it?

I still maintain that the point of these dos is not to receive presents, as much as I acknowledge that most people do like to give them.

StrictlyKatty · 28/04/2010 13:39

Wow! People are so grabby

They gave you money AND you want a gift, dear God I dread to think what you expected when the baby was born..

mumoverseas · 28/04/2010 14:29

jaarbaar, my DH's parents didn't even bother turning up for our wedding. Shows what they think of me I guess

lucykate · 28/04/2010 14:31

interesting first post daisyblossom...

mumoverseas · 28/04/2010 14:33

a few interesting first posts today

majafa · 28/04/2010 19:07

What a bloody good idea zip zap, beatrix potter books, or winnie the pooh prehaps???
I've got a christening next w/e and didnt want to buy the usual braclet, K,F&S's etc wanted something diffrent, but out of work at the mo, so not to expensive.
yay sorted

LittleSilver · 28/04/2010 20:53

Gosh, I have been delighted if noone had given our DDs christening presents, I'm forever falling over tat interesting choices of china/glass

zapostrophe · 28/04/2010 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

zipzap · 28/04/2010 22:20

I know that bible / bible stories are probably more appropriate but the last few christenings that I have been to the Church has given the child a child's bible as a welcome present and the god parents have also given bibles.

And whilst I would be/have been delighted to get a bible for my children at their christenings, like anything I just think it is a waste to give something to somebody if you know that they are going to get the same thing from other people.

Whereas a nice classic child's book BP/WtP/etc lasts and seems appropriate as a gift. Plus they often have nice hardback sets available for bargain price on thebookpeople.com so I usually keep one by me when they turn up for just this sort of occasion!

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 29/04/2010 09:57

YABVVU!
For my DC's christenings, we asked for no presents, but for donations to the NSPCC Full Stop campaign, so children who weren't as lucky as ours would get some help. God-parents were allowed to buy a little suitable something, but it was by no means expected.
Makes me cross when people disregard the real reason for having babies Baptised. DH & I are at the guests at Baptisms at our local church who look scared by the singing and joining in. It won't kill them!

GeekOfTheWeek · 29/04/2010 10:28

Lol@ baptzilla

Can imagine the gift list or one of those presence not presents poems

Reminds me why I dislike most christenings. I know a lot that got dc's christened for the piss up Mockery of the church imo.

lindy100 · 29/04/2010 10:50

We are getting DD christened soon.

I have said no presents. She has enough things and the people who care about her have already given significant gifts to keep (e.g. Peter Rabbit plate, Hungry Caterpillar book etc).

YABU.

Mardock · 15/03/2024 20:35

They were very good to give you money and you want a present as well how gready is that

OrigamiOwls · 15/03/2024 20:38

Mardock · 15/03/2024 20:35

They were very good to give you money and you want a present as well how gready is that

Mardock, how did you find this thread from 2010?!

The OP might have moved on a bit since...

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