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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to choose who I want as Godmother?

19 replies

kitcat1977 · 27/04/2010 08:24

We want to have our baby girl Christened in summer. Choice of first Godmother is easy - my lovely stepmum who I'd like to give an 'official' role - as is Godfather - DH's brother. I'd also like to ask my 22yo cousin over any of the others (lots!)

I ran this by my eldest cousin yesterday. She's expecting her own baby in summer, so will be busy enough with her own, but anyway we've grown apart and for that reason I don't want her to be Godmother (I didn't say that to her, obviously). She didn't have a problem with it, but I caught the look on my auntie's face (her mum) and she clearly did. The reason given for this was that to ask the cousin of my choice (different mum!) would offend the others of the same age range. I ran this by my own mum and she's pretty much saying the same, and suggesting my 16yo sister (SM and dad's daughter) as the second Godmother.

My argument is that my sister already has a strong and clear role in DDs life as her auntie. I don't really want to ask outside family because friendships change and for that reason I've never known my own Godmother. The cousin I'd choose is affectionate, maternal and shares many of the same values as me. She's shown the most interest in DD since she was born and has supported me in little ways too, like picking up nappies and things for me when I haven't been able to get out.

Now I know how petty all of this sounds and in my heart I don't think IABU. However, as my mum points out, it does seem a shame to cause any ness that might spoil the day of the Christening. Any views?

OP posts:
MilkNoSugarPlease · 27/04/2010 08:37

your DD, your choice!

clam · 27/04/2010 08:42

It's not a public election. You choose who you want. Don't open it up for debate. Just ask the person you want privately and tell others when it's a done deal.

maryz · 27/04/2010 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TootaLaFruit · 27/04/2010 09:02

I don't know if you are planning on having any more children, but if you are...... what I said to placate the crybabies people who were upset I didn't make them godmother to dd, was something along the lines of "I'm planning on having more children so I didn't want to choose tons of godmothers and not have anyone good left for dc2".

As MilkNoSugar says, your dd, your choice. If you do something just to please others, you'll regret it and every time you see 22yr old cousin you'll feel like you want to say something.

TootaLaFruit · 27/04/2010 09:03

Maryz - you beat me to the post!

diddl · 27/04/2010 09:07

Why are you "running it by" others?

Casmama · 27/04/2010 09:08

Your choice but I don't really see why you need to have more than one Godmother anyway - you could stick with just your Stepmum and not offend anyone.
However, at the end of the day it is your choice and if you want two then you should have two and explain quite bluntly to anyone cheeky enough to ask why they weren't considered.

LilRedWG · 27/04/2010 09:12

Don't run it by anyone. Your DD, your choice.

I had one of my sisters as a Godmother - didn't even consider the other two or DH's sister. I chose the person who is closest to me and DD, who shows the most interest in her and who is a Christian. end of story - no-one commented and tbh I would have ignored them if they did.

Enjoy your day.

LilRedWG · 27/04/2010 09:13

Casmama - high church requests two Godmothers for girls and Godfathers for boys.

moominmarvellous · 27/04/2010 09:18

I had 2 godmothers, my closest friend and also my niece to whom I am godmother. My younger sister was a bit put out initially, but as you say, she is already important as auntie.

Totally agree with others about saying you are intending more DCs so others will get their chance in future.

moominmarvellous · 27/04/2010 09:18

I had 2 godmothers, my closest friend and also my niece to whom I am godmother. My younger sister was a bit put out initially, but as you say, she is already important as auntie.

Totally agree with others about saying you are intending more DCs so others will get their chance in future.

muddleduck · 27/04/2010 09:27

YANBU.

but IME it is very important that you explain to your sister about the "strong and clear role" thing so that she doesn't feel unvalued.

Uriel · 27/04/2010 09:29

Your stepmum and your cousin sound like lovely choices.

Maybe people are a bit as, like your sister, Dh's brother also has a 'strong and clear role' as dd's uncle?

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 27/04/2010 09:29

I do think you should just have picked who you want and not bothered to ask anyone else's opinion (besides the planned godparents) in the first place. But in general YANBU.

Coldhands · 27/04/2010 09:46

Your DD, your choice. Its got nothing to do with anyone else and it really pisses me off when families all get involoved and say "oh, that might upset so and so". I spent so much time trying to be fair for my wedding that I had a massive falling out with my cousin and her mum (due to cousins lies) who I was very close to and things have never been the same since.

I stop trying to accommodate others now as I always seem to get shit from it and I do what I want to do and what I think is best.

My DH is godfather to to his cousin but his sister isn't godmother. She doesn't care.

Original poster
kitcat1977 · 27/04/2010 09:54

The only reason I wanted to talk to the older cousin first was because I felt she would be the most obvious choice. I also knew that she'd be objective enough not to have a problem with it, so it was more a courtesy than anything else. There won't be a prob with my sister, and anyway it's her mum who'll definitely be Godmother.

My mum's side of the family are wonderful in so many ways but a couple of her sisters are a bit high maintenance with regards to taking things personally - although there'd never be any question of proper falling out, they can both get a bit offended if they feel they're being 'snubbed' in any way. Not that it's bugger all to do with them I guess - it's another, much more laid back auntie's daughter that I wont to ask! Family life, eh

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 27/04/2010 10:00

I never quite understood the point of having relatives as Godparents, anyway? Surely relatives have a connection to the baby anyway, a Godparent is something else, an opportunity to give the baby an important non-relative supporting figure in their lives? Making a relative a Godparent could be seen as saying "You are a more important relative than anyone else!" which is bound to cause problems in some families.

saslou · 27/04/2010 11:31

I think you have a very good reason for choosing your cousin and you should stick with what you want. I am sure you will make your cousin very happy by choosing her. I think it's imp to choose people who make an effort to be part of your childs life, as your cousin as done already. I wouldn't take other family members views into account as you'll never please everyone - might as well please yourself!

mattellie · 27/04/2010 17:05

Sounds like your young cousin is the perfect choice to me ? someone you?re close to and, more importantly, who?s shown an interest in your DD. End of story.

No one else gets a say. Don?t give in ?for a quiet life? as you want someone who is going to continue to show an interest in your daughter throughout her life.

If you feel you have to justify your choice, I should tell them exactly what you wrote in your OP as that says it all.

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