Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want you all to read this?

210 replies

chegirlWILLbeserene · 26/04/2010 21:11

Not really the place I know. But I want everyone to read this. I want you all to know how wonderful my daughter was and how much she is missed. So indulge me please.

Tommorow (27th) is the fourth anniversary of my girls death from luekemia. She was only 14 and was wonderful. She was so strong and brave, so dignified and graceful, so very very beautiful.

I miss her. I wish you could all have met her.

I found this poem after she died.

THE RECALL
THE night was dark when she went away, and they slept.

The night is dark now, and I call for her, "Come back, my darling; the world is asleep; and no one would know, if you came for a moment while stars are gazing at stars."

She went away when the trees were in bud and the spring was young.

Now the flowers are in high bloom and I call, "Come back, my darling. The children gather and scatter flowers in reckless sport. And if you come and take one little blossom no one will miss it."

Those that used to play are playing still, so spendthrift is life.

I listen to their chatter and call, "Come back, my darling, for mother's heart is full to the brim with love, and if you come to snatch only one little kiss from her no one will grudge it."

Rabindranth Tagore

OP posts:
junglist1 · 27/04/2010 19:03

Thinking of you and your lovely butterfly girl today. Her eyes really stand out in photos, she was so pretty.

Goodadvice1980 · 27/04/2010 19:55

So sorry for your loss x

MudandRoses · 27/04/2010 20:52

That moved me very much. It was brave to post this.

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 27/04/2010 21:08

I am so sorry you lost your beautiful, brave daughter. I am sure she knew how much she was loved, and I hope the memories of how much she gave to you and how much she meant to all who knew her will give you comfort. It is a beautiful poem.

chegirlWILLbeserene · 27/04/2010 21:43

Thank you all for your messages.

I have read every single one and appreciate them all very much.

It helps so much to share how I feel about my beautiful girl and to have the opportunity to tell so many people about her.

I spent the day in my front garden which is now Billie's memory garden. It looks lovely now. It keeps me occupied on these difficult days and helps me feel I am doing something special for her.

I am numb and cant cry, I slept with her teddy and her nightdress last night. For some reason my radio didnt turn itself off (I put it on sleep mode) and I awoke in the middle of the night to hear a programme about blood and bone marrow donation. The voice of that little girl who recently died awaiting a transplant was what actually woke me up. She was saying how she was going to fight the disease and live her life and how people should register etc.

It seemed like a message.

Thank you all for thinking of my beautiful Billie today and for all the lovely things you have said.

I didnt realise my profile had been changed to private. I will see if I can change it back. I like people to see what Billie looked like.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 27/04/2010 21:48

I have no words to say that could possibly be a comfort. But I am sat here in tears thinking of what you have lost.

I have seen you many times and your overwhelming love for Billie (and your searing grief come across.

I have a 14 year old and I know how lucky I am to have her (sorry I don't know if this is hugely tactless to mention her) and I cannot imagine the pain you went through.

God bless you and lots of hugs. I hope you are OK and have some comfort. x

mangoandlime · 27/04/2010 21:49

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, chegirl.

mangoandlime · 27/04/2010 21:52

Oh I'm so sorry chegirl, have my days totally mixed up. Please forgive me. Your poem brought tears to my eyes...beautiful

stoppingat3 · 27/04/2010 22:00

So sorry for your loss. I hope that your memories give you strength and peace x

sleepyhead3 · 27/04/2010 22:00

Thank you for your moving post- you have brought tears to my eyes. It is impossible for someone who has not lost a child to understand how you feel but I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Your beautiful DD will always live on in you and all your memories.

scottishmummy · 27/04/2010 22:03

anniversaries are always really rough.take care

SixtyFootDoll · 27/04/2010 22:09

Chegirl
Thought about you many times today,
your profile is stil private but I will come back to see a photo of your Billie.
FWIW i am a on thebone marrow donor register and reading about your DD makes me glad I am.

chegirlWILLbeserene · 27/04/2010 22:21

I think I have managed to change my profile now.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 27/04/2010 22:31

what a bonnie girl.your pain must be very raw today

Olifin · 27/04/2010 22:34

Although I don't know you at all, I have thought of you often today, having read your post and the poem last night.

I don't know if you had nice weather where you are today; it's been glorious here and I spent time in the park with my children. They were throwing blossom in the air in the brilliant sunshine and having a whale of a time and I thought of you and what you have lost and how unbearable it must be.

I'm glad that you were able to spend some time in your special garden today. Just looked at your pictures; what a beautiful girl Bille was.

GetOrfMoiLand · 27/04/2010 22:35

Oh chegirl. What a beautiful beautiful girl. I am so sorry

You myst have treasured her. I hope you and all your family are OK today.

GreenMonkies · 27/04/2010 22:37

It takes a lot to actually make me cry. But the thought of losing either of my girls is about the only thing that will do it. I hope I never have to survive what you have had to endure. I need a tissue now.

SixtyFootDoll · 27/04/2010 22:55

Che - your daughter is truely stunning.
Beautiful girl xxx
Thankyou for sharing her pic today.
I am not religious but am sending you my best wishes.

sybilfaulty · 27/04/2010 23:05

Your daughter is beautiful and your love for her shines out of your posts.

I hope you have had a peaceful day and wish you a restful night. I am so very sorry for your loss.

aristocat · 27/04/2010 23:07

chegirl
so sorry for your loss. she is a beautiful girl.

mumonthenet · 27/04/2010 23:14

hi chegirl, I saw your pic of your beautiful Billie ages ago. Just had another peek - she is lovely. Such a glorious smile and you must miss her so much. Do you want to show us some more pics or tell us more about her?

Thinking of you, and Billie and your family.

babybarrister · 27/04/2010 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herjazz · 27/04/2010 23:40

always moved to read yr posts about yr beautiful daughter. Hope today has gone as well as it can and you have enjoyed some lovely memories. Lots of love

daisy5678 · 27/04/2010 23:53

Thinking of you xx

Kewcumber · 28/04/2010 00:02

Thank you for fixing your profile - I'd forgotten how beautiful she is and her new baby brother too.