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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hide dd(5) Barbie birthday present.?

53 replies

bobdog · 26/04/2010 20:34

AIBU to hide the Barbie doll that DD, now 5, was given by a friend on her birthday?
After the party DD unwrapped her presents looked at it but was distracted and did n't even take it out of the box. She asked today about the 'doll' but did n't pursue it.

She does n't have any Barbie/fashion dolls yet.

OP posts:
SweetGrapes · 27/04/2010 12:53

Dd has 3 barbies. Whenever they come out it's a "rip their clothes off and rip their legs and arms off" session. It starts off by changing their clothes etc but quickly degenerates. Quite disturbing in a totally different way! Specially when ds joins in.

Maybe I should put them away. Or maybe it's all ok and she's just practising for when she's a surgeon!

Bigpants1 · 27/04/2010 16:45

Small dc do not look at Barbie and think they must look like "her". They play dress her up/cut her hair/make up games with friends.
If you are secure in yourself as a parent and person you do not need to project how you see Barbie onto your dc. Surely young girls learn by what they see in the home,the role you play, how your partner treats you and when older,in discussions with you re women in society-positive role models.
I hope your dd enjoys her Barbie.Next comes the clothes,make-up,hanging out with friends-now there is a minefield!

Ladyanonymous · 27/04/2010 16:49

Why would you ban them?! Its a doll....isn't it?!

I'm bewildered......did most of us not play with Barbie/Sindy and grow up unscathed...??

Are our daughters not intelligent enough to make up thier own minds/opinions about our role as women when the time comes?

My daughter was obsessed with Barbie and Bratz ... she is now 10 ... try getting a dress on her...

laydeestardust · 27/04/2010 16:52

I used to worry about DD having Barbies-then she got given a box of hand me down ones-barely used- when she was about 5 but quickly dismissed them as "boring, they don't do anything except look pretty" about 6 months later.

They gathered dust under her bed and went off to charity shops a year ago or so ( she's nearly 11) along with the cutesy weirdy pretty pony things that she liked for about a minute.

One of my friends actually GAVE BACK a Barbie given as a present by an elderly neighbour because "we don't do stereptypical toys in this house" oh dear.

DD is a bit girly, a bit tomboy (3 brothers!!)and recently went to fancy dress day at school dressed as a Suffragette so no worries here that Barbie has adversely impacted on her feminist development

Original poster
bobdog · 27/04/2010 17:54

I (not my daughter) am not big on the whole pink, fluffy thing. I worked in an extremely male dominated area and so would like to raise my children as strong, confident, independent people.

I also grow up with wholesome Sindy in the 70/80s when Barbie was to my mother the Bratz of the day.

I remember Mattel releasing talking Barbie with "Math sure is hard!" and how slow as a company they have been to embrace change. So Barbie has always had a huge choice of wedding dresses but very few other options other then swimwear or evening gowns. I've checked what's available currently and Barbie does get to be a vet however she wears very short, tight shorts. It's trying but it's not a confident reflection of society.

Yes it is just a doll, it's a silly thing to get obsessed with but we all want the best for our children including the toys they play with so thanks for all your thoughts and experiences.

At the end of the day my children are not me and just as I have rights and responsibilities they do to, perhaps part of that is chosing their own toys.

Laydeestardust - for an Edwardian party my girls have already had to suffer suffragette fancy dress, poor kids I feel sorry for them having me for a mother .

OP posts:
Original poster
bobdog · 27/04/2010 18:01

Hai - 1988 if thats your date of birth then I was a teenager when you arrived I hope the post above explains some of mixed feelings towards Barbie perhaps I'm just a product of my age.

I wander whether women in their 30's/40's have more of an awareness/issue with Barbie, Pink stinks, etc. and that hopefully younger women including my girls just won't see the point.

(My mum also thought Grange Hill was too rough)

OP posts:
bruffin · 27/04/2010 19:05

I have another 10 year on you bobdog, born in the early 60's. I find it laughable that a parent thinks a doll has so much influence over a child.

As i said my dd has had barbie/brats/disney princess and pink dresses, they had no influence over her. She is 12 and lives in jeans and a hoody. She likes what she likes. We tell her she can be anything she wants to be as she is bright girl (we say the same to her brother) and the only person that will stop that is herself.

I have come to the conclusion about MN is that too many people overthink everything.

Ladyanonymous · 27/04/2010 19:06

bruffin I was going to say the same thing and I'm 35 .... but I was too scared!!

bruffin · 27/04/2010 19:11

Old age is making me kranky and DS got mugged tonight so not happy[sad}

Original poster
bobdog · 27/04/2010 19:15

I think the great thing about MN is that you get a chance to overthink things. At the school gate, everyone would look at me like a loon and ask their kids to stay away from my DD.

On MN you get a great range of views and it's been really encouraging to hear from everyone with older girls that have been through the Barbie stage and are n't still waiting for Ken to turn up.

There are so many toys out there of all types, prices and ideas that I guess I'm just looking for guidance. Last year's birthday request was for a full size roller coaster

OP posts:
Original poster
bobdog · 27/04/2010 19:23

Sorry Bruffin cross posted.
Am sending evil witch hex style curse to muggers and hope your son is alright.

When something like that happens my concerns are very petty, suggest you stay off any threads along the lines of
'should I defrost my fridge...'
'red or blue shoes...'
'why is my child still on red books when other child is on green..'

Best wishes to him, it's horrible when something dents your confidence.

OP posts:
bruffin · 27/04/2010 19:26

He's fine, they just took his phone. Idiots came back when we were waiting for the police, so at least one of them has been arrested

Original poster
bobdog · 27/04/2010 20:05

Excellent, good example to your son about brute strength often being combined with stupidity. It is amazing how someone so stupid can function.

Will go back to worrying about Barbie's gender roles so I don't have to think about the big wide world.

OP posts:
zapostrophe · 27/04/2010 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
bobdog · 27/04/2010 21:46

Zapostrophe - she's got it already but you would have convinced me with your horrific tale.

OP posts:
TheYearOfTheCat · 27/04/2010 23:06

Zapostraphe

Henny1995 · 28/04/2010 02:43

My DD had a barbie gift for her 4th bday and she TOOK NO NOTICE!! Relax - it won't make her anorexic. It's a doll. Stop her watching all Disney Princess cartoons in that case.

SeasideLil · 28/04/2010 11:18

I was banned from Barbies as a child, but spent between the ages of 5 and 8 asking for a Girl's World every single year from Father Christmas (I never got one, or a Barbie). I have been wearing make-up since I was 13. Make of that what you will.

I don't buy Barbies or Bratz myself, as they are a waste of money for a horrible-looking item, but my eldest daughter was given three Bratz dolls for her sixth birthday and of course I let her play with them. They have had a lovely hair-cut courtesy of dd2, but TBH, my girls are not that interested in them. They also laugh at their big heads (like DirtGirl!) They do get played with though when other friends come round and I'm not into banning toys.

SeasideLil · 28/04/2010 11:26

OMG, Zaopstraphe, I think we were separated at birth! My parents also dressed me in non-gender specific clothes...but I was obsessed with the sparkly sequinned outfits from the Argos catalogue from about aged 5 and drew endless pictures of princesses at school. I'm sure not all children react against their parents in this way, perhaps some absorb those values, but trying to stop most little girls wanting to look pretty is just fighting something innate IMO and has to go along with them being a nuclear scientist or whatever. Although I do agree with Naomi Wolf (The Beauty Myth) that it's important to not be reduced to 'looking pretty' and I do worry about the oversexualization of children's toys etc. Oh I don't know, one Barbie isn't going to lead to a lifetime of poledancing...

suecy · 28/04/2010 12:03

I agonised over the Barbie thing, but my DD was begging for them and again I thought, it's not up to me to project my wishes on her in this. She had her first at about 4.5. At it's peak the Barbie obsession stretched to around 15 dolls, horses, kitchens, diamond castles etc etc.

Now at 7.5 she's packed them all up in a box and giving them away - she's been there, done that and is desperate to make enough space so that if she gets a good report at parent's evening tonight she can have a desk in her bedroom so she can srite and do her homework in her own space - not going to argue against that one! (although she has specified the chair has to be quote 'barbie pink'!).

It's a short lived phase, and one most girls really want. Let her get on with it.

2rebecca · 28/04/2010 12:10

I loved my barbies and pippas and played with them regularly for years.
Now in my 40s I rarely wear make up and hate clothes shopping.
Playing with dolls is just a thing kids do. My son was very disappointed that action men these days didn't come with interchangeable clothes as they did in the 70s, as he was more into dolls when young than my daughter was.
It's her present, unless it's dangerous I don't see that it's your role to remove her presents from her. That sounds quite controlling.

PuppyMonkey · 28/04/2010 12:15

We didn't have many Barbie type things in my house either when I was growing up. I therefore turned a recorder (ie, yes the musical instrument) into a makeshift doll to dress up. How sad is that?

Clumsymum · 28/04/2010 12:15

Utterly bloody ridiculous, to even THINK about banning a toy as innocuous as a Barbie.

FWIW, my DS used to ADORE playing with the barbies at his childminders when he was 4 and 5. If I had thought it could influence things either way, I might have asked the childminder to stop him.
But I was quite happy for HIM to play with Barbie, and would be more than happy to let any daughter I might have have them too.

For the record, DS went on to action man, and now at 10 is a very macho lad, who has a full understanding that girls and boys exist equally in this world, thank you.

flibbertigibbert · 28/04/2010 12:21

YABVU. Like Zapostrophe I had a very right-on feminist upbringing. Barbies were banned. I remember asking for a nurse's uniform for my birthday and getting a stethoscope instead, because I had to aspire to be a doctor. Every year I was given feminist books as presents and I would just roll my eyes at them. I rebelled and developed a love of makeup, shopping and pretty things. I still got into a top university though.

As long as the Barbies are balanced out by a wide range of toys then there's nothing to worry about. If you ban them and try and impose your views on her then you're setting your DD up for more issues than if you let her play with them.

Chandon · 28/04/2010 12:28

I was not allowed barbies back in the 70s.

I thought there was no side-effect.

THEN I got little nieces, and I just can´t stop myself and buy them.... Princess Barbies..., from Disney

Their mum doesn´t mind I hope, she grew up without barbies too (we are both teachers´ kids)

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