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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect some communication from school

28 replies

namechangedtemporarily · 26/04/2010 19:15

My DS 4 has today told me that he had been moved groups at school and as I know he was in the top group this means he has been moved down.

Now- part of me thinks that he is only 4 and does it really matter at this age if he's one of the brightest in the class as long as he's happy (which he's not particularly- but anyway).
But the other part of me says that it would have been nice to have been informed as to why he has been moved down in case there is an issue that needs addressing or if it is something that my DH and I can help with at home (he's left handed and i know there was a problem with his handwriting when we met his teacher)

I was all set to send a letter asking her to let us know why he's been moved and if there is anything we can do to help at home. But I am reluctant now as I used to work at that school and now work in another school and don't want to come across as one of those 'know it all'/sends a letter everyday/doesn't trust the judgment of the teacher type parents.

Any experience or opinions appreciated.

Many thanks

C

OP posts:
goldenticket · 26/04/2010 19:17

Please tell me you mean 14 or Yr4 - surely not age 4?

piscesmoon · 26/04/2010 19:19

He is only 4 and they change groups all the time at that age-it isn't like changing sets in secondary school-groups are very fluid. I wouldn't worry, just have a quiet word, if it really bothers you.

thisisyesterday · 26/04/2010 19:21

why not just ask the teacher in the morning or afternoon? just say "oh x said he had moved groups, is everything ok?"

activate · 26/04/2010 19:24

reception class groups are fluid - the reason you weren't told is because you'd make a big deal of it - doesn't matter which table he's on as long as he's learning / socialising - leave it alone

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 26/04/2010 19:25

YABU

Most 4 year olds wouldn't have a clue what group they are in and that is how it should be.

If he isn't happy you should be addressing that!

Northernlurker · 26/04/2010 19:27

Yes I agree with other posters 'C' - you need to practice not reacting to every little shift or trend or you'll be a nervous wreck by the time the lad gets to 18. When you get to parent's evening you talk about this in context. Till then - leave well alone unless you want to come across as very, very tense!

compo · 26/04/2010 19:27

you work in a school? in what capacity?

blametheparents · 26/04/2010 19:29

This will happen all the way through primary school.
A teacher can't possibly send communication home every time a child moves group.
You may well find that next month he is back in 'top' group.
Parents' evening will tell you what you need to know.

Original poster
namechangedtemporarily · 26/04/2010 19:31

goldenticket - I assume that response is because i'm over reacting (that may be so but he's my only one, probably always will be ergo concerned)
piscesmoon and thisisyestarday thank you.

OP posts:
MudandRoses · 26/04/2010 19:33

What do you mean by the 'top group'? Are they streamed at four? If so, presumably he's been through some kind of tests? I can't really comment about that as I've never come across a reception class that streams its pupils, but if they are in sets according to ability, and he was placed in the top set, then yes, I would want to be informed as to why he's been moved down.
Sounds a bit peculiar to me though. At that age, they are surely all just beginning to learn and there shouldn't be much need for differentiation? Is it a private school, OP?

larks35 · 26/04/2010 19:35

Sorry but are you sure they are "setted" at age 4? How? By who can sit still the longest? Who can cut with scissors? Who can say "actually this setting business is bullsh*t?

I know a reception teacher and kids are moved around in the class regularly, particularly if someone seems less than happy in the group they are with.

Ask the teacher but don't see this as a reflection on your DS's academic ability.

zapostrophe · 26/04/2010 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
namechangedtemporarily · 26/04/2010 19:37

fab - not alot i can do about his unhappiness - he wants to be at home with me (even though i'm at work)
Northerlurker - ta, i know i'm being a stress head but he's my first and possibly only so..
blametheparents - we've had parents evening, there isn't gonna be another this school year
compo - just a lowly TA/SA in a school very very different from DSs. (DH leaves DS at school doors for staff to take in - i enter school (my job) to find parents in the classroom asking teacher or TA questions everyday) - Why?

OP posts:
goldenticket · 26/04/2010 19:40

Sorry OP, I'm just at streaming in reception! Honestly, it means diddly squat at this age and could just as well be down to social skills as much as anything. But have a word with the teacher if you're concerned - you can do it in such a way that you don't look barking i.e. "DS tells me that he's been moved down a group - is there anything he's particularly struggling with? I'm always happy to practice anything with him at home - just let me know" would do it.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 26/04/2010 19:40

My 4 year old also wants to be with me at home but we have lots of cuddles when he comes out of school and lots of attention once home.

I think you can do a lot to help him tbh.

Original poster
namechangedtemporarily · 26/04/2010 19:42

Thanks mudadroses, larks35 and zapostrophe

to answer - they are in ability groups (not private just high achieving) I know they are definately in ability sets because i was in a reception class in that school last year (i thought it was the norm until i started at my current job and realised the kids are rarely doing actual work - just learning how to behave in school and playing with each other!!)

OP posts:
compo · 26/04/2010 19:42

well tbh I'm a bit astonished you have started this thread considering your a ta? - you do mean teaching assistant right?
I just thought you would know all th advice given iyswim
that at 4 it doesn't matter etc etc and what to expect in a school situation

compo · 26/04/2010 19:43

oops sorry crossed posts

Original poster
namechangedtemporarily · 26/04/2010 19:45

thanks goldenticket, i wasn't offended just assuming i was being OTT

fab - i do all i can for him at home cuddles, playing, reading to him,practice sounds, letters, sums opposites etc but only when he wants to i don't force it. i meant there was nothing i can tell school or have them do to help.

OP posts:
helyg · 26/04/2010 19:48

They are in groups from Reception onwards in my DC's school too, it is based on ability but I'm not sure how they actually work it out. The children aren't actually supposed to be able to work out that they are ability groups as they are just colour coded, but of course they do...

However, as a mother of 3, the youngest of whom has just stared in Reception, I wouldn't get too stressed about it all. As you will know from working as a TA they have little peaks and troughs, and develop at different rates. Top today could be somewhere in the middle tomorrow. Being moved down a group at 4 is unlikely to impact on his Oxbridge application!

I think the biggest issue to look at is his unhappiness in school. In fact it could even be that his unhappiness is effecting his "performance" in class (I'm not sure I can believe I actually just wrote that about a 4 year old!). So if you sort out the reasons why he is unhappy he might move back up. If that actually matters...

helyg · 26/04/2010 19:49

started in reception, obviously...

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 26/04/2010 19:51

I didn't mean do school work at home to make him settle better at school!

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 26/04/2010 19:53

helyg - hopefully he will be staring too! 4 year olds should be bothering about what group they are in.

MrsSaxon · 26/04/2010 20:02

Our reception class is streamed here to, 4 groups colour coded.

Original poster
namechangedtemporarily · 26/04/2010 20:18

fab - misunderstood what you meant by 'I think you can do a lot to help him tbh.' then - i do cuddle him and give him attention!?

helyg - he seems to be better with not liking school recently. he says he hates assembly because all they do is sing and talk about god. they are a strict school and he's been in trouble for rough play before so i think that bothers him (but he gets plenty of time to roughhouse with DH at home.)

Thanks again to all

OP posts: