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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel bad for this woman

13 replies

constantlytired · 26/04/2010 12:45

take my dd to dancing class at weekend. Was sitting in reception area waiting for class to end along with other parents. There is a woman there whose DD goes to same dance class and she waits outside with her DS (2). He is a typical wee boy and was running up and down making lots of noise enjoying himself. His mum was running after him, making sure he didn't fall and hurt himself. So far, so normal as i have a DS about same age as well and i'm sitting smiling, thinking deja vu. 3 other women are sitting watching this woman and one of them shouts at the child 'Whats all this noise' quite loudly (I think (hope) she meant it to be nice, so as the boy would quieten down and maybe give his mum some rest)...unfortunately, she then follows it up with...'Its no wonder she's so skinny running after that one all day'....I'm a bit at this, but one of the other women then say 'Yeh, i've got a friend like her, shes got one kid who is an angel and the other is just like that'....AIBU to think this was quite insulting? Poor woman never got the chance to answer back as she had to chase her son halfway across hall by this point.

OP posts:
MarthaQuest · 26/04/2010 12:47

YANBU, poor woman.

GypsyMoth · 26/04/2010 12:48

did you say anything?

herbietea · 26/04/2010 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

juuule · 26/04/2010 12:51

I'm not sure why you think it's insulting.

Tryharder · 26/04/2010 12:51

YANBU. People love making judgements based on a 2 second snapshot of someone's life. In this country, there is always an assumption that:
child sitting in corner saying nothing = good child
lively toddler making a lot of noise/playing = naughty child.

So unfair.

constantlytired · 26/04/2010 12:54

I did want to say something but then stopped in case i embarrassed the woman even more, she was looking quite harassed. I'm quite annoyed at myself for not saying something though, made do with drawing dirty look (pathetic i know)

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constantlytired · 26/04/2010 12:58

Juuule - i think its insulting as she said 'first child an angel, second child like that' (with a level of disdain in her voice, making him sound like some kind of devil child....he wasn't, he was just being a normal toddler....the poor mum was run ragged, she didn't need someone making unkind comments about her son as well.

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runnyhabbit · 26/04/2010 13:00

YANBU

That woman could be me (except my dc1 is my ds and goes to football)

Ds2, 3yrs, is full on all the time. Not naughty, just very loud and active. I love his constant enthusiasm for everything. Although, it is tiring (saves me having to go to the gym)

But I get very annoyed at other peoples attitude. FGS, he wasn't being naughty, just a little boy.

juuule · 26/04/2010 13:03

I've said myself of some of mine that they are little 'villains'. I didn't actually mean they were villains of a criminal nature. Perhaps as she only said "like that" she didn't mean to imply that he was a devil child but just that he was a bit of a whirlwind and very active and so keeping his mum very busy and would be tiring.
I just think you might be reading too much into it. But I wasn't there so maybe it was how it was said.

WingedVictory · 26/04/2010 16:12

I could be the running about mother, too... only I am not "so skinny" !

Mind you, I am pleased that my DS is running about instead of sitting on his arse and just flapping his lips like these other women!

If you know this woman, you can say something to her - about the rude comments - when there are no eavesdroppers, which I'm sure she will accept kindly. It was tactful of you, though, not to say anything in the moment, as she was probably bothered enough as it was!

Coldhands · 26/04/2010 20:10

YANBU. This was really rude. Don't all 2 year olds run around? My DS (2.3) will sit if he has a sticker book or something but if we are out and about, he generally wants to run around.

When I was his age and being emotionally and physically abused my my mum, we were in a meeting with SS and I sat in the corner for an hour and didn't move a muscle. Normal behaviour for a 2 year old? Don't think so. Toddlers run around, people shouldn't judge.

cfc · 26/04/2010 21:28

God, this woman could be me too!

My fella's a maniac! Or as my mother calls him, a complete rogue

He's brill though.

YANBU.

constantlytired · 26/04/2010 21:46

Thanks for this...i think i was partly offended because my ds is only 2 and is exactly the same, always on the go, and i would have hated to hear someone say similar to me (not sure i could have restrained myself as much as other woman tbh)

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