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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

want to slap this man....

44 replies

drloves8 · 26/04/2010 11:51

this man has local business, is a cousin of a good friend and has a lovely wife and two great kids.
He has been seen out clubbing/pubbing with a woman (she was draping her legs over his in the bar)3 times.Saturday nights -whilst his wife is sat at home thinking he out with his (male) friends .
its getting embarresing because everyone in town has seen them and we have a mutual friend (his wife and i) who was there when we saw him with the ow.
mutual friend is now avoiding mrs x because she doesnt wasnt to lie to her by default(as in not telling her) , but doesnt want to not tell her.
man is stupid , needs a slap.

OP posts:

jasper · 26/04/2010 13:24

You know NOTHING of the details of the marriage or the other alleged relationship. I have a friend married to a "perfect " woman . She NEVER has sex with him.

Seriously, it is noone else's business , even if you were to see them shagging in a doorway

Original poster

drloves8 · 26/04/2010 13:26

jasper , do you mean like mabey an open marriage or something? hadnt thought of that .

OP posts:

jasper · 26/04/2010 13:33

yes Drloves, that and other stuff.
Really, we can't police others' relationships. Hard enough with our own

Callisto · 26/04/2010 13:35

Actually, I think that is bullshit Jasper. If the marraige is open she won't have a problem with being told. But I'll bet even the most open and tolerent of wives don't like their husband to be seen shagging on their own doorstep.

Tell her, don't tell anyone you have told her and tell her you won't tell anyone else. Or write her a (kind) anonymous letter. Poor woman.

Original poster

drloves8 · 26/04/2010 13:46

i sort of see the point of telling her... would give her the chance to get things in order (finacnces ect) before he knows ,she knows.
and i also see why not to tell her, it might blow over, it might not be anything.the wife might already know.

actually i hope we are wrong about this.

OP posts:

TheAgentZigzagLoonyParty · 26/04/2010 13:57

If you tell her you could be seen as interfering in someone elses marriage, or doing it for bitchy reasons.

But if you don't tell her she hasn't got the information so she can decide for herself.

Of course she wont want to know, but forewarned is forearmed.

I thought about the anon letter, but it seems a bit underhand, telling her what is common knowledge, regardless of whether he's up to anything or not, is the difficult but right thing to do.

jasper · 26/04/2010 13:58

IT's none of your business, that's the thing. ANd you have no hard facts.
Back right off

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 26/04/2010 14:07

Please DON'T send an anonymous letter. It is such a cruel thing to do and the shock, enormous. I also don't buy the "open marriage" suggestion, but if Jasper's right, the woman will choose her next steps accordingly.

What ever you decide to do though OP, try and deter others from gossiping about this. Unfortunately, there will be some people who will take a grim satisfaction that this is happening to a woman they might have been jealous of in the past - I've seen this happen and it's particularly unedifying.

It also matters not a jot what she looks like, or how "perfect" she is - no-one, what ever their looks are - or for that matter, their libido - deserves this.

Original poster

drloves8 · 26/04/2010 14:10

i dont think i can tell her ... .
but i can sure as hell give mr x a talking to.
if he isnt cheating, it sure as hell looks that way , and isnt that disrespectful to his family on some level too? .
IMO he should not be out alone with anywoman who isnt his wife/related on a saturday night , never mind have them hanging off him like a bad rash.
still want to slap him.

OP posts:

Original poster

drloves8 · 26/04/2010 14:13

i havent spoken to anyone in rl apart from the friend that was there who saw them too.
(she`s the wifes friend).

OP posts:

TheAgentZigzagLoonyParty · 26/04/2010 14:15

Is there any reason your friend hasn't told her?

Original poster

drloves8 · 26/04/2010 14:18

i actually said that there might be a guenuine reason for miss j to be out with mr x (1st time).
she is a lawyer and might have been discussing business with him....cant explane the time with her draping herself over him...and i know my friend is furious now.

OP posts:

jasper · 26/04/2010 14:34

Why are you concerning yourselves with serious stuff in other people's lives that has absolutely nothing to do with you?

If it was your sister you MIGHT have a case

Original poster

drloves8 · 26/04/2010 14:38

i dont know jasper, mabey because i feel awkward around her now, especially at the school.

OP posts:

jasper · 26/04/2010 14:43

please remember you know no hard facts apart from a woman was draping herself over him at a club. Do you really want to say "excuse me but your husband has been seen in town acting very cosy with another woman? " Because that is all you could realistically say.

Seems you are feeling a bit guilty for NOT mentioning this to her. Don't feel guilty. it's not your issue!

Chandra · 26/04/2010 14:48

There is no such a thing as a "kind" anonymous letter. They are nasty, and leave the receiver feeling paranoid about everyone around. So if you are going to deliver such news do it face to face or back off. Anonymous letters are not good even when you are 12 year old.

MadamDeathstare · 26/04/2010 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

drloves8 · 26/04/2010 14:55

id never send an annonomous letter (or ant letter infact), tbh i think thats a bit creepy.
i did see miss j hanging off mr x . i did see him flirting and touching her hair. thats all i saw .
i should have said something at the time, i think.

OP posts:

MadamDeathstare · 26/04/2010 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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