to want my daughter to have a squabble free day at school???

[Ladyanonymous]

This is doing my head in, shes 10, in yr 6 and since day one at school she seems to have got herself into a "threesome" where they constantly fall out and there seems to be some kind of "power struggle" within the friendship.

For the most part I try and encourage her to get on with it, sort out their differneces fairly and nicely, stand on her own two feet and I stay out of it, lending a sympathetic ear when required.

But this last week I've had her in tears 3 times and shes fallen out with my close friends daughter which is awkward, last night she was really upset because she didn't want to go to school (she isn't being bullied). Texted my friend and we have both spoken to our respective daughters....

but AIBU to be totally pissed off with this? My two sons never have all this drama...how do other mums of daughters deal with girls and their CONSTANT falling out and bitching?!

YANBU - I have this with DD2(13). Never had any trouble with DD1(16).

I can't really offer any advice. I think what you are already doing is all you can do. Situation with DD2 is calm at the moment as her group of friends have split into two and it seems to be working well - for the moment.

Try reading "Queen Bees and Wannabees" as advertised here on Mumsnet. I just got it and it explains so much about: my daughter's life, my school days, my son's life too (from conversations we've had about it), and why some mums who were friends with me at Playgroup, dropped me when our kids got to school.

"why some mums who were friends with me at Playgroup, dropped me when our kids got to school"

wow really, could you give us a quick insight as to what the book said. I think i might have a read of that.

Oh sorry op did mean to comment, I think unfortunately it seems like girls being girls. I remember being at school and getting into the same type of stuff (in primary school). Unfortunately I was a little low on self esteem but by the time I got to high school we all went to different schools and I got in to a different group of friends and we luckily (for the most part) got on well.

Mummytime - Sounds great!! Will check it out thank you.

It's not just girls....

DD is 16 and I had a sad call this morning - a sneaky laugh from a couple of girls, combined with a 'she can't resist it' comment when DD took a biscuit, was all it sent to put her in a bad mood. She's gorgeous but with J-Lo's bum! I have certainly found boosting DD's self-esteem much more regular than DS ever needed.

My only experience of this is from when I was young, as all three of mine are boys, but I think a lot of the problem here stems from the fact that girls are very good with words. I think they are more able than boys to use words either to support and help, or in these cases, to hurt and undermine.

When the boys were younger, most disagreements turned physical and were soon over, whereas a nasty innuendo or insult can stay with you for a long time. Even now they are older, and more likely to use words rather than thumping eachother, it seems to be generally a generic insult, rather than something calculated to hurt the individual.

"wow really, could you give us a quick insight as to what the book said. I think i might have a read of that."
The book really took me back to the meanness and different cliques at school. Basically the mums are obviously higher status than me (they do look lovely and are friends with all the other trendy in-crowd Mums).
The huge advantage is that as a grown up the Mums are nothing like as nasty as girls at school. So no showing off and refusing to talk, or making fun of me in public if I dare to ask them how they are. Actually I'm obviously not that low status as I have been privy to another "alpha-mum" commenting that she didn't know which table to put one school governor and his wife at the ball. I would have said ours as I thought they were lovely people, but we weren't going.
I have had my DD go to school today saying if it was too awful she isn't going tomorrow. She is very like me (but prettier) and she has great friends out of school, but in school is a "target".
"DD is 16 and I had a sad call this morning - a sneaky laugh from a couple of girls, combined with a 'she can't resist it' comment when DD took a biscuit, was all it sent to put her in a bad mood. She's gorgeous but with J-Lo's bum! I have certainly found boosting DD's self-esteem much more regular than DS ever needed."
Haven't you ever been to a coffee mornign where no-one not actually breast feeding dares eat a biscuit. Or dinner where every woman says no to pudding, because the others are watching? It is worse when they are younger as no one tries to be subtle.

Its a hard life being a parent.

I always say yes to pudding!!! And I know from DD's response that these girls would have thought that the comment was totally disregarded by her. But I know from what she said when she came home, that it certainly wasn't.

I guess I am either wilfully oblivious or...no, I think that's it, I'm just wilfully oblivious. I always have a biscuit or pudding if I want it ; I can't understand why anyone would seriously prefer to subvert their own needs/desires just because other women were watching! If those women really are so bitchy, they're never going to be your friends, so why worry what they think? Confidence and being yourself are the most attractive thing, to the sort of people you'd actually want to be friends with, anyway. And that's as true when your 13 as when you're 30!

It is true - but do you really understand that when you're 16?