to have been annoyed about a blimmin bucket and spade!

[macdoodle]

I know I probably am but it really hacked me off!

Lovely sunny day so we head off to a lovely sand filled play area, with DD2's (2) bucket and spade!

We have a lovely play, and as DD2 goes off to play with the older girls DD1 and her friends, I put the bucket and spade with all out other belonginings in our little picnic spot. I do NOT just leave them sitting around!

After about half hour we are ready to leave, and I go to get our bits together to discover no bucket and spade . The playground is jam packed but enclosed by a fence, so I wander around for a bout 5 mins to discover a little girl (about 4/5) and her older sibs playing with OUR bucket and spade (clearly just taken from where we were sitting). So I look around for a parent and its realy hard to see who is supervising them, so I go up and very camly and politely say to the little girl "I'm sorry but that's my little girls bucket and spade, we need to take it home with us now" (wanting to add "and you shouldnt have just taken it without asking" )!

She refuses to give it back , so again I look around for a parent, not wanting to leave it knowing DD2 will have a paddy, and its OURS!! (yes yes I know its just a plastic bucket and spade but surely thats not the point)! So I gently remove it from her possession stil looking around for a parent but no one appears and she doesnt get upset just looks surprised!

I seem to be more annoyed than I think is probably reasonable, because I spend my time supervising that my DC don't remove other peoples belonginings and would hopefully notice if they managed to nick someone else's bucket, take it to the other side of the playground and for that person to come and get it back, at no stage did a parent appear
How do children learn that its not right to actually remove something that doesnt belong to them! I think I'm more annoyed because she didnt just leave it in the sand (which I would understand more), but I had made a point of putting it with our stuff so it was obvious it belonged to someone!

So AIBU??

DEF not BU.

Wasn't this an episode of Charlie and Lola?!!

You are more annoyed than is reasonable imo. Of course you supervise your 2 yo closely so you'd notice if she took anything - she's 2, she needs supervising! This little girl was 4/5 and with older siblings so wouldn't have needed very close supervision in a play area enclosed by a fence. It doesn't sound in the realms of terrible juvenile delinquency to take a bucket and spade that doesn't belong to her and then not give it back. Kind of usual for a 4/5 yo I reckon. The taking of buckets and spades usually happens to us every time we go to the beach - both other kids taking ours and our kids taking those that belong to others!

FWIW though I think you handled it perfectly. You were absolutely right to insist she give it back but did so in a nice way. So YANBU from that point of view.

Thank you MrsGravy, I kinda know I'm over reacting or overannoyed
And I'm not quite sure why really, it was just a plastic bucket and spade!

I wasn't horrid when I took it back at all, but did almost expect nasty scary mum to come running out of the bushes!

Yes, you are over reacting (but then you know that!)

They were only children, they saw a bucket and spade, they saw a sandpit, and bingo - their luck was in! You handled it perfectly - now go and have a sit down and a glass of wine

Kids don't think, they just want something and take it. Parents should have been supervising to tell the child "No, we don't take things that don't belong to us"
I always put my kids initials on everything, just in case you get a parent who thinks it's finders keepers

I agree-you dealt with it fine-have a glass of wine and let it go!

BIL and I got absolutly bollocked because 'our' child was playing with someone elses bucket and spade. It was a totally random kid we had never seen before.

We just sat there like while she tore strips off us then muttered 'shes not with us, we don't know her'

at mrsbundle, I had absolutely no intention of bollocking anyone, just wanted it back for DD2, but would have preferred to not address some one else's thieving urchin child knowing how touchy some can be !

thieving urchin

hmm why is the strike out not working then

It can be hard for the younger kids, because they go to soft play or whatever and there are toys everywhere and they are allowed to play with whatever, then they go to a play area and there (appear to them) to be toys everywhere, but they are not allowed to play with them.

And its hard to say why the parents weren't right there but there might have only been one off toileting a newly potty trained child or any number of feasible reasons really.

You did the right thing, but I wouldn't think too much of it. If a parent had run up and told you to let her have it or something, then yes, that would be a bit more worthy of total outrage!

No you were not unreasonable, you handled it really well.

When we were on holiday a few weeks ago a couple we got talking to brought one of those giant rubber rings for there children (aged 5 and 7) it was the only one at our hotel.
One evening they forgot to take it back to the room with them and left it in the pool, next day 2 kids who had just arrived were playing with it (they were about 14/15) so the little boys mum went and ask for it back, the kids that had it would not return it and then their mother wades in (common as a badgers arse) and says its ours we brought it today (really clever as none of the shops opened till gone 10 and this we before then)
Sadly the little boys did not get it back as the chavtastic twosome then took it out of the pool and up to their room!!!!

I had this with a Diddy Car in a park in Bexley Village - bloody woman told me that I should not leave things lying around if I didn't want her son to have a go - I politely pointed her in the direction of my car and asked her if that only applied to little plastic cars or big ones too - then I said it is called theft lovey - you take things that don't belong to you it is called theft!!

Then I ran because she was really rough and weighed about twice as much as I!

Don't you need to strike out each word?

Oh and no YANBU at all!

YABU - but you handled it appropriately.

YANBU to be steaming about it. My DS is only 5 and DD is 3, but they would not dream of using someone elses stuff without asking. And if its next to a pile of other stuff, then clearly its not for communal use. Not the kids fault though, if their parents havent taught them not to.
I think you handled it perfectly.

I do think that most children who are used to being at nursery just think that toys are there for general use.

YWNBU in the way you handled it, not much else you could have done, but it would have looked terrible to an onlooker if she's started to yell "MINE" and burst into tears. Her mother should have been near by to help you out.

Sandpits eh? What a minefield!!

I hate the parents who smile and say
"ta love" when you lend their DC a bucket and spade in a sandpit because they haven't got one then say in a loud voice;

"give it back to the lady now yes i know you're actually completely devastated-and screaming- because you've only been playing with it for an hour but apparently the heartless bitch of a lady has to leave NOW and does not care that you want to keep the poxy bucket and spade"

and breathe . Will teach me not to share in future!!

last year at the beach my kids went up and down the beach collecting any strays, then lined them up at the stairs - loads of people came up to claim their stuff and I think they gave some away and took the rest home.

Kept them happy for ages

I knew it was def ours, is quite a distinctive pink castle and matching spade, so not easily mixed up!
Yes, I was more worried I think that the child would have a tantrum and I would look and feel terrible, was more worried about DD2 having a paddy though if we went home without it

Am over it now