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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel that this sales assistant should have minded his own business?

30 replies

grapenuts · 24/04/2010 14:57

My husband bought a pregnancy test for me from Sainsburys.

Anyway on giving the test to the man at the till, he turned to my DH and said "So what do you want the result to be?" My husband, shocked by the question said "It's complicated".

((The context is that I had a miscarriage and I wanted to see if the hcg had gone down. Very depressingly really wanted a BFN so my period would come quicker and we could get back to start to ttc.))

Don't you think that was really impertinent of the cashier? What would they say if he had bought condoms (off for a shag tonight??)/ incontinence pants (can't stop shitting in your pants??). I really don't think that sales assistant should pass any comment.

AIBU????

OP posts:
skihorse · 24/04/2010 14:59

I think you're being a little overly sensitive - for most (?) a positive pregnancy result is a very happy time and he was probably (one would hope) on that side of the fence. Perhaps the silly joke to your husband was just a macho thing - I doubt very much any hurt was intended.

Ronaldinhio · 24/04/2010 14:59

yes, he was just making conversation

kitbit · 24/04/2010 15:02

I don't think he meant to be insensitive, however I believe training for cashiers includes not making personal remarks or observations preciselt because you never know the circumstances and as for you, it's an emotive subject.

I'd let it go, but I think you're possibly right and he did overstep a little without meaning to.

jemart · 24/04/2010 15:02

It is often the case that till staff are obliged by their employers to make small talk to the customers. Simply put, he was just doing his job. YABU.

nigglewiggle · 24/04/2010 15:06

I can understand why you are upset and I would feel the same if I was you. It is an odd question an I imagine he was hoping for a reply about you excitedly waiting for a positive. I don't suppose he was expecting a reply along the lines of your situation or from someone who was dreading a positive. In which case he should have steered well clear.

geordieminx · 24/04/2010 15:09

Gosh I really dont think he should have made any remark at all.

Tbere could have been any number of answers that he wouldnt have wanted to hear, and while I agree that a lot of the time it is a happy time there are also a lot of occasions when it is not.

It is people like him that make teenage girls too embarrased to actually find out whether they are pregnant or not.

I would be mortified if someone had passed comment on my thrush cream/pile oitment/preganacny test

Lulumaam · 24/04/2010 15:12

actually, i think it is over stepping the boundaires of what is making conversation

but i would not expect perhaps a young lad to understand the whole gamut of ramifacations a pregnancy test could hold

YANBU

it is v v personal, and i am sure he could have found something to make conversation about, like 'lovely fruit this season' or 'shall i pakc your bags'

i am sure hurt was not intended,but i think it was really not appropriate

i am sure there must be some rule ab out not commenting on purchases such as HPTs, condoms , lube etc..

kitbit · 24/04/2010 15:13

I too think he was overstepping smalltalk. Much safer to stick to "ooh carrots on special offer, how fantastic"

Trafficcone · 24/04/2010 15:15

I think it was utterly inappropriate. Some things like that are private and the assistant should just discretely serve the customer. If he wanted or needed to make small talk, there's always the weather ffs.

Original poster
grapenuts · 24/04/2010 15:15

Completely agree with some of the comments above. I do not, for one minute, think that hurt was intended. It was just SO inappropriate. (And did not do my currently v.v.v. sensitive mood any good...)

OP posts:
Casmama · 24/04/2010 15:19

I think the guy was an arse and should never have asked that question. I suspect that after hearing it was complicated he probably realised what a stupid question it was and hopefully will not ask anyone again.
Sorry to hear your story and good luck ttc.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 24/04/2010 15:23

It was inappropriate, yes.

But I just would have waited in the shop for the 'Can't stop shitting in your pants?' remark to come.....ROFL. Sorry. But that has really made me laugh

FlookCrow · 24/04/2010 15:30

In most cases, pregnancy is a joyful occasion and he certainly wasn't to know of your circumstances! YABU.

Be thankful we still have shop assistants that attempt to make conversation instead of slamming your purchases in a bag with a surly look.

DeborahDevonshire · 24/04/2010 15:31

I agree with Lulumaam.

Yes it is inappropriate and there should be training for cashiers not to comment when people buy these things.

However the young lad probably didn't give it a thought, and thought he was being friendly and would have meant no harm.

Sorry OP about the time you are having and hope you're OK.

mangoandlime · 24/04/2010 15:51

''Yes it is inappropriate and there should be training for cashiers not to comment when people buy these things''.

I can see the training now. Don't comment on pregnancy tests, condoms, Tena Lady, sanitary protection or Slim Fast.

I think that maybe you're feeling it was more inappropraite because of your circumstances, which I'm sorry for, grapenuts.

Lulumaam · 24/04/2010 17:40

actually, flippancy aside, there is no need to comment on things that are obviously v v personal, and reminding shop assistants and other front of house staff that that is the case is not a bad thing

becaue you won't know if the person you are asking has just had a miscarriage , been TTC of 8 years, etc etc

so best to keep it light and comment on something innocous

realfreedom · 24/04/2010 17:57

YANBU, it was inappropriate from a customer service perspective. Your purchases should not be commented upon, regardless.

I have bought a pregnancy test for the same reason though and you are probably a little sensitive to it as well right now.

Still doesn't make it appropriate for cashier to comment.

SeaTrek · 24/04/2010 18:06

YANBU

It is one of a few items that common sense says should not be commented on. Just sounds like lack of life experience to me.

mangoandlime · 24/04/2010 18:14

Lulumaam...I find it rather patronising to the majority of checkout staff though. It's common sense not to comment upon sensitive purchases. Most staff know that. We can all misjudge a situation.

LittleMissHissyFit · 24/04/2010 18:15

I'm sorry to hear that you have had a MC, and You are understandably sensitive.

FWIW, if you'd have been buying it, I dare say the guy wouldn't have asked, and Thank God you weren't, cos had he asked you, it most likely would have really upset you there and then.

Lack of life experience, agree with seatrek.

I hope you are well and have some good news soon!

mangoandlime · 24/04/2010 18:15

Sorry, to clarify, by 'we' I mean you, me and the Universe!

thederkinsdame · 24/04/2010 18:27

YANBU. In the samw way that if I was buying condoms, I would not want the assistant to go 'having sex tonight then?' or if I was buying tampons to say 'got your period then?' etc etc.

TotalChaos · 24/04/2010 18:41

yanbu, clearly the cashier was somewhat lacking in common sense/social skills.

mitfordsisters · 24/04/2010 18:48

YANBU - totally

StrictlyKatty · 24/04/2010 19:01

I think the cashier was probably just joking around. I'm sure he wouldn't have meant offence.

I think with the MC you're a little over sensitive right now tbh so you probably feel a lot worse than you would have if the comment had been made at any other time.

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