..to want to do a charity trek even though dh would rather I didn't?

[scarlotti]

My local radio station is doing a charity trek next Spring along the Inca trail. It's a trek I've always wanted to do and said I'd do before I was 40 (4 years to go).

When I mentioned it last night, DH said that if it was up to him then I wouldn't go as he doesn't like the thought of his wife going halfway around the world to trek. He is a worrier so might well be imagining I'd be heading off to the fringe of civilisation with no backup, rather than to Peru with a while team of trekkers and support people.

When I go our dc's will be 16, 5 and 18months.

I don't see the issue with it personally, but maybe I'm blinkered.

So AIBU to want to do it?

No yanbu, he should support you, can you think of a situation where you have supported him in one of his ambitions? maybe mention it and ask him how he would have felt if you had said no

YANBU. But think of all the threads there have been on MN in the past about DHs who want to go off and do something and all the outraged posters saying "he's a twat" or "tell him to grow up and put his family first".

Personally, I think your DH is being unfair. His reasons for not wanting you to go are not logical. If it was because he was worried about the DCs or childcare, fair enough.

I think it's a great thing to do and I hope you can get him to support you - good luck!!

How long would you be away for and who would look after dc's? I mean would dh take holiday to care for them? Or will they all be in nursery/school?

How long would you be away for?

I too am thinking of all the threads where the dh has got a flaming for wanting to go off and leave his family, but that's usually for months at a time, leaving a pg, incapacitated wife and tiny kids.

Difficult one.

The fact that it's for charity has nothing to do with it - if you want to raise money, then there are plenty of ways you can do that from home.

You want to go on this trip because you want to walk the Inca Trail. It's a very safe trail and you don't even have to carry your own bag or put up your own tent if you don't want to.

Does your dh ever want to go away on his own somewhere? It would make it easier if he had his own ambition of doing something without the children.

I do think he is being unreasonable if he refuses to let you go.

If it is a safe trip and for a couple of weeks I dont see a problem with it.

If it were to climb a dangerous mountain,as one of my male freiends did when his DD was 18 montsh old ten not.

You've been a mother for the last 16 years, and the mother of young children for MOST of that. That is exhausting and can make you feel a bit two dimensional after a while. Well, that's how I feel!

It's exciting, and I bet your husband is afraid that when you get back you'll no longer be content with your life as it is now.

perhaps if you could make him see that rather than unsettling you and making you discontented with your life when you return, it'll actually give you the resources to carry ON being a mum with a spring in your step. I think you need to recharge your batteries as a person to tolerate decades of being a mother!

Has your dh had a number of weekends away over the years? It's so much easier for a man.

yes it is safe, the biggest risk is altitude sickness especially if you fly straight into Cuzco which is at altitude. You should spend a few days acclimatising and doing shorter walks at altitude before starting the actual trail.

I know somebody who did it last summer for my son's school. He is very healthy looking, about 35 I'd guess. He thought it'd be tiring like a long long walk, but he didn't expect that he'd find it so challenging. He expected other people would find it challenging though!

I agree with Belgo, spend some days acclimatising and doing shorter walks.

YANBU at all. You shouldn't relinquish everything about you (ambitions, dreams etc) just because you are a mother.

It is a challenging walk, you do need to be in a good state of fitness. It's constantly up and down hill and those huge stone steps were a killer on my knees going downhill. It goes up to about 5000m iirc - that is very high. Make sure you have good warm clothes and sleeping bags because it can get very cold at night.

It's well worth it though, when you arrive at Macchu Picchu at dawn and have the whole place to yourself before all the day trippers arrive.

I'm thinking of doing one end of next year through the Rift Valley, Tanzania. Not mentioned it to husband yet, was going to get all the childcare sorted and then kind of mention it. Only thing is for me it is quite expensive so may have to leave it until the year after.

Best of luck with yours. Think you'll regret it if you don't go.

Thanks all, am well aware of the challenge it would be but am ready to prepare for it.

It would be away for 10 days, and the dc's would all be at school/nursery as per usual. It's the uncertainty of it that worries him I think but I have always been supportive of him in the past.

Will stick to my guns

YANBU to want to go, or to go. I think YABU to do it "for charity" You are doing it because you want to. If you want to raise money for charity there are better ways. I hate being asked to sponser people who have found a cheap way of doing something they fancy.

i think where peoples OHs have wanted to d this, the probs have been financial / because the OP was PG at the time!

If you can afford it, and if the childcare situation will be manageable for your DH - why not?

I also want to do the Inca trail one day though it would currently BVU for me to do it.

leftangle - then I won't ask you to sponsor me

I don't see the problem with doing something I've always ason wanted to do and raise money for charity at the same time.