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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my mum should stay where she is

38 replies

AmandaCooper · 23/04/2010 08:23

My parents are waiting for a plane home from Malaga after their flight was delayed by the ash cloud. They are very lucky in that they are at their holiday home so it's not costing them anything and they are perfectly safe etc thank goodness. But mum is a primary school teacher and DH is furious with my "selfish mother" (they don't get on at the best of times) and thinks she should be making more of an effort to get home because she's a public servant etc. He's been researching coaches and trains by which she could make her way north through Europe. He read on the Internet about two teachers who'd spent £2,000 travelling home to get back for work and he's decided that this is the standard to which my mum should be held.

But it's not like they knew the delay would be so long, their flight just keeps being put back. And if they did set off on one of the coaches DH has found, who's to say they wouldn't end up stuck at some ferry port with nowhere to sleep? My Dad's 62 and my mum's 59. I just want them to stay where it's safe and fly home as soon as the planes get going.

It sounds stupid but DH and I have had big rows about this. Am I (and is mum) being unreasonable?

OP posts:
throckenholt · 23/04/2010 08:28

to be honest - it is nothing to do with you or your DH. You mum is a grown up and can make her own decisions on what she ought be doing.

thumbwitch · 23/04/2010 08:31

your DH should mind his iown business and try and get rid of the chip on his shoulder. Don't even give his opinion house room. And FGS don't row about it - it's not like either of you can actually DO anything about it, so what's the point?

Doodleydoo · 23/04/2010 08:32

I think your dh might be being a little bit ur here! I understand that she is a public servant and that it would be very nice for her to be back at school and teaching BUT she is in a secure place, they have got flights to come home on and you are right there was no accounting for the delay in returning to the uk. For all your dh knows they could be on a flight from any moment now whereas it could take them several days to get home if they were to get to a port and have to wait.

Does this not have more to do with the fact that your dh doesn't get on with your mother?

Iklboo · 23/04/2010 08:32

You need to set him huge unreasonable standards for the smallest of tasks he performs & hold him to it - see how he likes it. Next time he rants on about it like Victor Meldrew just tell him you're not going to listen to him because he sounds like a petulant arse. Has he nothing better to do?

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 23/04/2010 08:37

What's his real problem with them? Tensions? The holiday home?

It's bog all to do with him. imo, people who get so het up about other people's decisions normally have an underlying problem / envy

diddl · 23/04/2010 08:47

OMG!
If he´s that bothered tell him to fetch them!

I assume people paying for coaches are doing so rather than risk accommodation fees.

Do you use the hoiday home?
If so go without him next time so he doesn´t risk being stuck there!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 23/04/2010 08:48

Your DH is being sooooooooo U. What a twonk.

BitOfFun · 23/04/2010 08:51

What's it got to do with him?

Some people have got actual problems to worry about- what an old biddy he's being.

Pozzled · 23/04/2010 08:58

I posted about my colleague who is stuck, and I thought that she could try to do a little work while she is away. But even I would not expect someone to spend a huge amount of money, or risk being stranded at a ferry terminal. I think that if your Mum knew for certain that she could find an alternative means of transport at a reasonable price, then I would say she should maybe go for it. But with so many people stranded, that's just not realistic. IMO she should stay put but contact her head and see whether there is anything she can do to help while she is stranded.

Original poster
AmandaCooper · 23/04/2010 09:02

There's a bit of a sub plot in that mum and Dad's dog is with a sitter and DH doesn't approve of this at the best of times. There's a history of disputes about how often they go away and who looks after the dog when they do. It used to fall on us but now DH refuses because it's so inconvenient. DH hasn't mentioned the dog thing but I reckon that's his main concern, not this weird public duty argument.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmandaCooper · 23/04/2010 09:03

Oh and the headteacher is stuck in New York!

OP posts:
diddl · 23/04/2010 09:03

He´s concerned about the dog-in what way?

mjinhiding · 23/04/2010 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 23/04/2010 09:05

It's none of his business! It's their holiday home, their dog, their choice!

You used to have the dog while they were away. Your husband didn't like that - inconvenient or jealous of how often they went away?

So they made other arrangements and he still hates it!

Is he a control freak in all areas, or does he just think he has the right to control your parents? does he think they need his approval or permission? Or is he just jealous?

Why does he think he gets a say in how they run their lives?

thesecondcoming · 23/04/2010 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoIsAsking · 23/04/2010 09:07

Is he a total control freak about other stuff as well?

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 23/04/2010 09:08

great minds, eh, WhoIs?

WhoIsAsking · 23/04/2010 09:09

I promise I didn't write that after you...

Original poster
AmandaCooper · 23/04/2010 09:55

Yeah he is a bit of a control freak - DH is a very over indulged only child. MIL proudly tells the story of when he wanted a toy fire truck as a child and he was so "strong willed and determined" that he "screamed all the way to the shop until he got it"! So I tend to ignore his bad behaviour but sometimes I need a reality check to reassure me that it is bad behaviour and not just me being unreasonable.

OP posts:
RedLeaves · 23/04/2010 10:01

Amanda, your husband sounds so horrible!

Is he ever like this with you?

coralanne · 23/04/2010 10:03

I think he's a bit jealous because mum is getting a bit of a bonus holiday.

I don't think that her missing a week or two of work is going to hurt the children.

Besides isn't that why they have substitute teachers?

If she was on her deathbed with flu, it probably wouldn't worry him because there's no way he would like to take her place.

Honestly he's just narked because he has to slave away at work and mum doesn't.

MaryBS · 23/04/2010 10:04

He is being ridiculous. I have to admit my response would be, "well if you feel like that, why don't you offer to go and get them then?", but that would probably just turn his anger against you!

But it really IS none of his business!

ljgibbs · 23/04/2010 10:08

Your DH sounds like a right arse. If I were you I'd go and get your Mums dog and tell DH you're looking after it until the parents get home. (Or am I the only one who winds my DH up that way

WhoIsAsking · 23/04/2010 10:12

hmm. being an over-indulged only child is just an excuse IMHO.

I doubt he would berate his boss for his mother's behaviour.

I wouldn't engage with him at all (well, I wouldn't have allowed him to stop me looking after my parents' dog to be blunt. - it's interesting to me that he threw a wobbly to his mum about a fire engine, and got his own way; and he threw a tantrum about the dog sitting and...well, he got his own way again didn't he?)

Pancakeflipper · 23/04/2010 10:17

Knock him off his high horse. This isn't really about your mother being a teacher and not made it back to school.

It's an excuse to have a go at her.

The teacher for my ES is stuck in Asia and looks like it will another week possibly 2 before they can get back. We are just hoping they are ok. Even with 3 teachers and the Headteacher missing - the school is running happily.