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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

children playing out

48 replies

maggie61 · 22/04/2010 17:54

At what age do people think it is ok to let children out unsupervised ?
My dd is 7, she plays out with a group of others 7-11 years, at the local park 2 mins walk from home, the people that live next to the park have children in her little group, we live i a village and most people know us.

The reason i ask is our neighbour says next time he sees her out without us he will ring social services, i shall ring them myself tomorrow to see their stance, just wondered what others thik, thanks.

OP posts:

CirrhosisByTheSea · 22/04/2010 20:17

My ds is 7 and I don't let him go out alone - or with other kids only.

I asked my mum about this the other day, having read another thread about this. Because I have LOADS of memories of playing out - we played out all the time, I have idyllic memories of all the freedom, etc etc and remember her as a really laid back, cool, non-precious mum. I was quite surprised to hear that she doesn't think 7 is old enough and we were only allowed to play out unsupervised from around 9 years old, and only then when we could be seen from her window.

So I think it goes to show that there's no hurry, you are not over protecting your kids if you think it's wrong not to let them out alone at 7 (or younger) and they they will NOT grow up in a bubble - you are NOT hampering their development and independence and storing up a load of memories of being stuck at home!

Personally I think 7 is too young to be completely out of the sight of an adult - so my ds isn't allowed yet. But it's a gradual process of building up their skills, independence, and awareness.

porcamiseria · 22/04/2010 21:50

I think in a safe village environment, YANBU if you think they are responsible enough

Times have changed, I am sure I played out aged 7, no drama

Nice neighour!! details details

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 22/04/2010 21:55

My 2 boys 6 & 3 play out at the front of our house with me pottering in the front garden I have at times popped into the house to get something, BUT I personally wouldn't let my 6 year old play out alone at the moment. More so with older children as I don't want him to loose his perception of his own age. He is 6 not 11.

Original poster

maggie61 · 23/04/2010 08:23

many thanks for all your replies

our neighbour is odd he was nt meaning to be nasty , just how he sees it, he was reported to police , his dd aged9 stops some weekends, he left her to allegedly nip to the pub a few doors down just to buy a pint to bring home, so i think this is where he is coming from.

i love you, fairybumpcake, you obviously know him !!

OP posts:

Bucharest · 23/04/2010 08:38

Dd is 6 and a half, and can now go out of the gate to play with the boy who lives up the road (he's 9)

In the circumstances you describe, I would allow a responsible 11 yr old to take a 7 yr old to play in a park, yes. I think it depends on the place etc. But, as others have said, if you're happy, then fine.

Pots and kettles as far as the neighbour is concerned I'd say.

We definitely played out all the time when we were that age. And I do not believe there were fewer paedophiles around then. Fewer cars with loon drivers yes. But as long as you are happy with road safety I don't see a problem.

helyg · 23/04/2010 09:10

We live in a very small rural village, and where we are there is very little traffic.

My 7.5 year old plays out unsupervised with his friends, and my 5 (nearly 6) year old is allowed to play out within sight of the kitchen window. If he is with his older brother they can go slightly further, but not far enough that they wouldn't be able to hear me if I shouted. My 4 year old has to stay just outside the house.

You know how safe your area is. I'm sure that if your neighbour did phone social services they wouldn't be remotely interested!

libelulle · 23/04/2010 13:52

blimey. I fear for my DD as she grows up if people really think 7/8 year olds shouldn't be allowed out alone. I was allowed to go to town with a friend (15 min bus ride) from 8. At that age, my dad was negotiating the London streets entirely independently, out all day and back for tea! Obviously there are exceptions, but I think kids on the whole rise to the level of independence that they're allowed. If you aren't careful, the opposite problem arises to the one people are concerned about - they get to be older teenagers with no idea how to assess risk and take care of themselves.

Bramshott · 23/04/2010 14:13

This is so tricky - at that age you are just working out what they and you are happy with them doing in terms of independance, the last thing you need is a grumpy neighbour sticking their oar in! We live in a small village and since DD1 has turned 7 I am trying to give her a bit more freedom - she can go up to her friends house by herself as long as she tells me she's going, and last night walked to and from her piano lesson (over the road and 3 doors down) by herself.

OtterInaSkoda · 23/04/2010 14:22

I don't understand - did someone report your neighbour to the police as he'd left his 9yo dd while he went to the pub? And now he's bitter?

ShinyAndNew · 23/04/2010 14:28

I've just started letting dd1 (6) play out with her friend (9).

They are allowed on the front and into the end of the park that is directly opposite our house (no raods to cross) and is visble from the front door.

As yet she has not got into any trouble. But she has been having a whale of a time and is not under my feet all afternoon moaning that she is bored and hogging the computer.

It's actually been really nice in the house since she met this friend. Every-one is much happier and more entertained and dd1 feels grown up.

Your neighbour sounds a bit ott. I highly doubt Ss would bother.

ZZZenAgain · 23/04/2010 17:05

does he suspect you of having reported him maybe?

Bramshott · 23/04/2010 17:14

Did you call SS to ask their advice Maggie? I'd be very interested to know what they say.

chipmonkey · 23/04/2010 18:00

Your neighbour sounds mad! I let my ds's play out at that age but we live in a nice neighbourly estate. It does depend on the individual child. FWIW, one of ds's friends was regularly out alone at 3. We didn't approve but no-one called SS!

Trafficcone · 23/04/2010 18:07

My lot have been playing out since they started school, so 4.5-5 yrs old.
Your neighbour is tw&t.

ButterPie · 23/04/2010 18:10

My 3 year old plays in the front drive (with me pottering about looking through the window) for short periods of time, I would say in a couple of years I will be happy with her going short distances with slightly older kids, by the time my DDs are 5 and 7 I would be fully expecting them to be playing out together.

brightyoungthing · 23/04/2010 19:01

I agree it depends on the circumstances. My 7 yr old DD plays out on her own in our street but we're lucky because it's a private road on park land so is very very safe. All the kids here play out together and their ages range from 4-13/14. They sometimes fight or make a nuisance but it's easy enough to sort out as all the street face the park land and so many mum's are watching.

They run wild out there all day, making tree swings, dens, playing ball games together etc..... In the summer some parents have BBQ's for everyone or put paddling pools out for the kids, it's a real community. It sounds like I live in a commune but I don't I promise!!

If we lived in a regular road I'd feel I have to watch her all day but I think I'd still let her out if other kids were playing too.
Tell your neighbour to get stuffed

bergentulip · 23/04/2010 19:13

My Ds1 started playing in front of the house in the cul de sac we lived in as he turned 4. There were a couple of other children, similar age, all very safe and I felt perfectly comfortable with that.

I can well imagine that if we still lived there by now he'd be allowed into the street along, and then would progress slowly further away....

so, 7/8 and going to the little park in a group seems very reasonable to me. You are clearly comfortable with it, so I am sure the area is safe enough.

Ignore your nosey neighhour!!

Original poster

maggie61 · 23/04/2010 22:37

I rang social services at 9 this morning , the duty social worker phoned back about 2pm, asked lots of questions, to which i had no problem answering honestly, she through me when she said "is she able to contact you if she has a problem?", i said well she,d come home, she thought i meant we went out and left her playing out !!!, i kind of think she thought there must be more to this, than just letting a child play out.

basically she reminded me that i am still responsible for her, but said that you do have to allow some independence , if my dd is sensible then they are ok about it.

my neighbour knows it wasnt us that complained about him, it was a friend he was drinking with, they had a row and friend then called police, or so the version of the story goes, it is over a year since, i,m not sure why he is so concerned and why he is telling us we are wrong.

its just added stress which no one needs, we spent alot of time thinking the initial decision through, maybe i should of had a general open debate and local vote on it !!

thanks all for your posts.

OP posts:

missmoopy · 23/04/2010 22:40

I personally think 7 is too young to be at the park unsupervised. But it is a personal decision, and as a social worker, it is highly unlikely that your local social work department will do anything.

teamcullen · 23/04/2010 23:03

It sort of depends on the size of the park too. When I was growing up, there was a park across the road that all the kids were allowed to play in. but it was very small, more of a large community garden. The big park which was 5 minutes away was out of bounds unless I went with an adult or my older brother until I was about ten, and even then only during the day.

This was the 80s though, in the days when you only went home for something to eat.

Ellokitty · 24/04/2010 11:27

Last year, I looked at this and found a doc / leaflet thing which said children should be able to play outside from about the age of 7 or 8. It was produced by the children's play commission I think. It gave good advice I thought. Haven't got Internet access at the mo, otherwise I'd try to find it for you, but if you can find it, it had lots of good advice for keeping your children safe.

zazizoma · 24/04/2010 11:56

Ello, I would be very interested in that link when you find it.

shockers · 24/04/2010 18:37

DS2 (9) has just started playing out. He rides his bike to the playing fields and stays there for most of the day. He takes drinks and snacks in his bag and an 'emergency' mobile phone which only has our numbers in it. He is loving his new found freedom ( made possible by a move to a little rural market town), and has acted really responsibly. On the one occasion that his friends weren't there, he phoned and let us know he was on his way back rather than going to look for them.

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