towant her to bugger off!

[SpringyThingy]

My neighbour is nigerian...absolutely not the problem but I 'm wondering if cultural differences might explain what I think is unreasonable behaviour???
Our lo's are always in and out of each others houses, she will send her 4yo here although I don't let my nearly 4yo go as I think she's a bit young and hers always trashes my house. But my 10 yo comes and goes. Last week, boh her ds's were over, so far so good, but when I said, right boys, time to go home, we're having out tea, they said they couldn't because their mum had gone to Tescos????? WTF, she'd not even popped round to mention that I had unofficially become her childminder!
Then today, she pops round at 9am (still in my pj's to give 3 hours notice that she's coming to coffee????!!!!

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt as I love the whole 'it takes a community to raise a child' philosophy, and there are some language barriers. But I'd also like her to bugger off!

AIBU?

nope.

Set the boundaries.

Say no to coffee!

And tell her that she's not to go out and leave her kids at your place.

Speak up.

I can't believe she buggered off to Tesco without telling you!!! How irresponsible.

Maybe just ask her not to "pop in" before 10am, to ask you before she dumps her DCs on you etc? Put some kind of ground rules down?

Whilst she is round for coffee mention that you weren't happy with finding out from her kids that you were childminding them and that in future could she ask you before leaving her kids with you as it is inconvenient if you are due to have a meal/ need to go somewhere etc. Re inviting herself for coffee if it's convenient say yes, if it isn't say no. It sounds like you need to clarify some boundaries here or you'll end up resenting everything she does.
Also if her 4 year old starts trashing your house send her home. If she's in your house without a parent then you are in charge of her behaviour. If her behaviour is poor then send her home telling her why she has been sent home. A 4 year old should be able to grasp consequences.
The fact that the woman is Nigerian shouldn't affect anything.

Yanbu about the fact that she left her children at yours while she popped to Tesco, she could have at least asked you.

I don't get the issue about her coming for coffee though - surely she is just trying to be a neighbour. I can understand that you might not want her to be round all the time but if don't want her to come, just say that you're busy or have to pop out.

It was the way she said it! "I've called to give you notice..." I'm sure it's a language thing. I've popped a note through her door (she's out) to say something's come up and can we rearrange. I don't even have her phone number which made that tesco thing even more .
You are right though wandering, there is an element of being neighbourly and I def. don't want to lose that.

I find it a bit strange that she invited herself around for coffee.

If she had knocked at the door and invited you to her place for coffee in three hours it may have been more reasonable.

It's good that she obviously trusts you or she wouldn't just go off to the shops without letting you know.

But you do need to let her know that she isn't to do this anymore.

One of the childen could get hurt or sick while she was away and she may not be able to be contacted.

Just let her know that this is your main concern.