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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

free drinks all night

30 replies

fumanchu · 21/04/2010 10:48

I'm planning a 40th birthday party with a close friend for about 100 people at a club. We will have a disco and food. She thinks we should also pay for all the drinks all night and it would be really stingy not to. I will really struggle to afford this. I'm happy to put money behind the bar but not the whole amount. I'm worried about this - I don't want to fall out about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
YesYouMust · 21/04/2010 10:52

I wouldn't ever expect all drink to be paid for at a party, have you told her it's out of your price range?

YANBU btw.

rastababi · 21/04/2010 10:52

YANBU, it'll end up costing you an absolute fortune if you do an open bar for 100

fallon8 · 21/04/2010 10:54

be honest, say you cannot afford to do this,but if she wants too go ahead.
free drinks all night== BIG TROUBLE..You are already doing enough by asking 100 people,you could run up a bill for drinks alone of thousands,dont do it.

Itsjustafleshwound · 21/04/2010 10:56

I don't think YABU at all - free bars just bring out the worst in some people!

Can you not agree on a set amount towards alcohol and then ask people to pay for 'extra' drinks/ hard tack ??

fallon8 · 21/04/2010 11:02

Or, just say, first drink is free, then they pay for thier own.

emsyj · 21/04/2010 11:08

YANBU, but if you choose the right venue then an open bar doesn't have to cost a fortune. We had one for our wedding and contrary to popular belief it didn't result in wild drinking games & vomiting and it wasn't wildly expensive either.

I think if you are throwing a party it would be nice to offer some drinks - e.g. beer & wine and soft drinks, or a fixed sum behind the bar or whatever - but free bar all night isn't necessary if you can't afford it.

tootyflooty · 21/04/2010 11:08

I've never been to a party with free drinks, or held one, the fact you have provided a venue , disco and food is more than enough. I went to one party where there was no food , that was stingy!! free bar is like writing a blank cheque, I would def say no.

Downdog · 21/04/2010 11:14

YANBU - Perhaps a few quid behind the bar/or glasses of bubble for as folk arrive to kick things off.

I do think food should be provided at parties though - esp if you want people to party all night.

Oblomov · 21/04/2010 11:14

YANBU of course. your friend is. Free bars are great. But most people can't afford them. Most people understand that. We put (say, quite a few hundred pounds)some money behind the bar for our wedding, my dh's 40th etc etc, because that is what we like. that is how we chose to spend our budget. which is likewise your business and no one elses.
And nearly all our friends do the same. But I am grateful. Don't expect. And have been to many parties where they don't. Thats fine too.

Mouseface · 21/04/2010 11:15

Free booze = trouble. I'm sorry to say some people see this as a reason to have that 1 drink too many, at your expense.

Don't do it.

As someone else said, maybe first drink free? I did this for DH 40th and everyone was more than happy!

Hope you have a great night!!

OTTMummA · 21/04/2010 11:18

I think a free drink on arrival or a 1 drink voucher per person will suffice.
Tell your friend its completely out of your budget for a free bar, but shes more than welcome to pay for it herself ;)

hope you have a great bday!

Oblomov · 21/04/2010 11:20

mouseface, why do you say it = trouble. and fallon = BIG TROUBLE. fleshwound says it brings out the worst in people.

Errrr, what kind of people do you know then ?

Alternatively, tooty's never been to one.

I go to plenty. No one casues any trouble. EVER. And am a bit saddened hat tooty hasn't been to one. Becasue they are really nice, you know !!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 21/04/2010 11:26

YANBU. Except for small weddings, I've never been to a free bar party. Drink voucher for the first drink would be a good way to go.
Happy birthday.

mazzystartled · 21/04/2010 11:29

Well it would be lovely. but it could cost a fortune, and people will not expect it.

I would buy as much champagne/proseccos/cava as I could afford and be liberal with that for arrivals and toasts, apart from that people can buy their own.

ifancyashandy · 21/04/2010 11:31

YANBU - I did a lunch for my 40th and paid for 2 bottles of red and 2 bottles of white on each table. People paid for own food but was a set menu so they knew the cost of that before committing. Any other drinks, people paid for themselves. I also did a glass of bubble on arrival. No-one thought I was unreasonable and everyone I invited attended.

emsyj · 21/04/2010 11:54

Really don't understand the 'it's asking for trouble' type comments. There was no trouble at our wedding. People drank what they would have drunk anyway had they been paying. We didn't get ripped off by the bar staff. Nobody ordered fancy cocktails or 3 drinks at once or took the piss in any way at all. Perhaps it depends what your friends and family are like, eh? I have been to one 40th birthday party and 2 weddings with free bars and didn't witness 'trouble' or anything like it at any of those events either.

But still OP is NBU.

Mouseface · 21/04/2010 12:00

Oblomov - unfortunately, it would appear not very nice ones!

Been to 3 free booze parties and all ended up with some sort of rowing/fighting/bitch slapping by then end of the night!

I can assure you all that I was not involved in any of it though as I have been dragged up propper

Itsjustafleshwound · 21/04/2010 13:08

But weddings are different to birthday parties (IMO) - it isn't so much as trouble with those you trust,it just closes the opportunities for pisstake and a big expense ...

If they are friends they will be fine about it.

Oblomov · 21/04/2010 14:06

me too. proper like.
do me slapping and scratching at other times

Oblomov · 21/04/2010 14:10

Emsyj makes a good point. If they are the type to cause trouble, wouldn't that happen if they had bought their own drinks? And unless you like 'a good scrap', you would never intentionally invite anyone to anything if you thought they were going to get ... pissed, scrap and cause a scene. no ?

Mouseface · 21/04/2010 14:11
Oblomov · 21/04/2010 14:19

hair withdrawl ? oh now its getting interesting
I can do ruff too, ya know.

(cut the bravado ob, this is tiny 5'2" that had her brothers try and teach her to punch, but they gave up becasue she was so useless and weak )

bonnymiffy · 21/04/2010 14:21

YAdefNBU. We did a free bar at our wedding earlier this year for around 90 people. The management gave us the nod at £750, after that folks paid for themselves. I've never been to a non-wedding party with free drinks, and if you're doing food then I doubt folks would expect it (unless you tell them, obviously) so you need to be straight with your friend and tell her.
PS there is life after 40, I got here last year and it's GREAT!!

Original poster
fumanchu · 21/04/2010 18:35

Thanks very much for your comments everyone. I'll just have to grit my teeth and bite the bullet (possibly not at the same time) - I hate confrontations.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/04/2010 18:39

It is ridiculous to offer free drinks all night at a 40th unless you are a bloody millionaire.

Or can afford to throw away a grand or two.

No-one I know would ever expect that and I suspect you might get a few uninvited guests too !