My dog is dying should I let DD see him

[THK]

DD is 7 and although mature for her age I worry what to do for the best.
The family dog is at the dog hospital and has cancer. Being old and with diabetes he is too sick for a tumor operation.We have been advised putting him to sleep this week would be the kindest option.
I prefer to include DD by letting her visit him the day before he is put to sleep. DH disagrees and says we should just tell her he died in the night to avoid the stress knowing we had to put the dog to sleep may cause. She loves the dog dearly.
What would you do?

Very difficult one, I'm sorry he is dying. How about if you let her see him and explain how he is ill and why if you think she will be ok with it, but not tell her he is going to be put to sleep? Let her think he died naturally instead. It may be a way of her knowing he is dying and not coming back and having a chance to say goodbye, without the stress of knowing how. HTH

Very difficult, but I think you need to be as truthful as you think she can handle. As hophop says, I would have thought it would be important for her to be able to say goodbye whether or not she knows he will be put to sleep. (Speaking as someone who was lied to about the fate of a pet cat - I was more traumatised about the facts of the lie than the actual facts of his death, which my mother eventually came clean about.)

dh say to not tell her the dog is being put down but to let her see the dog before he is put down (letting her know the dog is very ill)

dd1 (age 12) says she would have wanted to see the dog

personally having lost a loved pet at that age (my grandparents dog grouchy old thing disliked everyone but for some reason adored me and I her) I knew granddad was putting her down (he was a hunter) and I was ok with that as I had been allowed to say goodbye..

In my opinion children prefeer to be told the truth so I would go with explaining how unhappy you were and how much you will miss the dog but it was time for her to be put out of her pain. if you are into reading with her there are some wonderful books about death and how tod eal with it

Oh poor you. I think I agree with your husband. I have had two dogs put to sleep, I know that you are not suggesting she is there at the time your dog is put to sleep, but I am thinking about the environment your dog is in. It's all very clinical (obviously) and so far removed from the normal lovely environment of your home. Your daughter is used to having your dog in this sort of environment and I think seeing it in a cold, stark, clinical place will be very upsetting for her, I know it was for me and our vets is a lovely place but I just wanted to pick my dogs up and take them off home where they belonged.

The only other thing I did do with another of my dogs is to have him put to sleep at home. That was my ideal, he was very old and I just found it all too much to deal with at the time so asked the vet to come to my house. If a situation like that could be described as "perfect", that was it.

Perhaps you could bring your dog home, let your daughter spend some time with the dog. You could perhaps then let the vet come when your daughter is at school. Could you then tell your daughter that your dog had died in it's sleep.....which is not too much of a fib.

Hope it all goes ok. Sorry, I know what I've felt like every time I've lost one of my dogs and it's heart breaking. Good luck.

Tell her the truth and let her decide whether she wants to go and see him .

We had our elderly cat put to sleep last week (19yrs) I had to take het to the vet for the procedure but I explained to the boys (age 9 & 7) what was going to happen , they said their goodbyes at home then I went .

Children are extremely resielent at times and you will be surprised at how they dela with things .

My Dad died recently . I went to see him at the chapel of rest as I wasnot with him when he died. My son express a view that he also wanted to see his Grandad to say good bye, wasa bit shockedbut he did come along. He saw that Dad was peaceful was very accepting of it.

I know that it will be heartbreaking for yor DD but let it be her decision.

We have had to put down two old dogs in the last year. We have allowed the children to accompany us to the vet's or not, as they wish. My son liked to come, my daughter preferred to stay at home.

It's very peaceful and easy with a good vet. Nothing distressing at all for a child.

Thinking of you. It's always really sad.

Agree with CaptainUnderpants. I grew up with lots of dogs and over the years many had to be put to sleep due to very old age as my mum kept them going as long as they had a decent quality of life. I was allowed to see them to say goodbye (normally at home to be fair as the vet came to us) and then whilst aware of what was going on not allowed to see it or the burial. I think I must have instinctively kept away at that point as I didn't want to see. I think it is much better to be honest and explain that it is an act of kindness and then let her decide if she wants to say goodbye.

I also think Oliviasmummy makes a good point about the environment for the goodbye. Not sure what the dog hospital is like but perhaps the dog can be brought outside if not brought home so that she isn't frightened by the place itself? Good luck

Personally I think honesty is the best policy as if she finds out later in life (which she almost certainly will) that the dog was put down and you didn't give her a chance to say goodbye, she may well resent you for it.

I know when I was younger my granddad was in hospital for a long time and one day he got really, really ill. Almost all the rest of the family went in that day to see him and even my parents did, and they never ever took days off work unless they literally couldn't crawl out the door. I desperately wanted to see him becuase I hadn't been able to in a couple of weeks (he was in ICU I think) and I knew everyone else was, including my cousins, so I was pretty sure it was the end, but my mum refused to let me see him. He died that night and I still resent her for not giving me the chance to say goodbye to someone I loved very much.

But I guess really you need to know your DD well and figure out if she is the sort who likes to know everything or thinks ignorance is bliss. Though if the dog's going to die anyway whether or not she knows it, I personally think it would be kinder to tell her the truth and let her decide if she wants to say goodbye.

I would explain what is happening, explain you dog is very old and poorly, and ask if she would like to say good bye. Speak to you vet, and they are likely to get the nurses to arrange for you to be in a side room, at a time the practice is quiet, so she doesn't get freaked by the hospital wards etc.

Do not say "going to sleep" or other euphemisms as it scares them and confuse, they are more resilient than we are often.

It's a horrible situation, and we never forget it, thinking of you.

We had to take our poor old labrador to be put down when my DS and DD were about this age.

I didn't have the heart to tell them so I told them that that because the dog was very sick and old, the vet took her to a farm in the country where she can just sleep in the shade under the trees.

I know it was a cop out but I just couldn't bringmyself to tell them.

Last year we had a similar situation with our 16 year old retriver.

My DS gave her some food. Brushed her coat for about half an hour, cuddled her and asked me to take a photo of them together.

His DP had to do that as I was inside crying my heart out.

I couldn't even go to the vet with them.

I said in another thread that I was more emotionally attached to my DS than DD. (love them both equally though)

When my DGD asked where the dog was my DD said "The vet had to give her a needle because she was sick and now she is dead"

DGD 7 immediately said "Oh No poor DS, I et he's sad.

DGD then got the dogs collar and chain and put it them next to the photo.

Im sobbing sat reading through all of your heartfelt responses and your stories . I realise this is going to be very hard on us all as has been with us 13 years.
I dont think the vet will do home visits but maybe the best solution is as some of you have mentioned is to try and bring him home for the day so DD has time with him and then try and explain why he needs to go back.
This is one of the hardest things to do.
Thank you for support and advise

op sorry dont' know what to say, it is a horrible time for you all.

Definitely don't say "put to sleep". Although it may sound easier on the ears and heart it may well confuse a 7 yr old. We were advised to never use that phrase or "long sleep" etc as it often scares young children and makes them worry about sleeping/nightimes/parents going to sleep etc. Same goes for "died in his sleep" IMO -

THK, depending on how ill your dog is your vet will hopefully let him home for the day with pain relief/other meds, however if they are concerned that he will suffer (ie on a drip/needing intensive nursing) do not feel let down if they say no - they are just trying to do whats best for your dog.

Do ask re home visits though - if they have warning most practices are willing to do this, and are more likely to let him home if they have a visit booked a few hours later.

It is a tough time

You are doing the hardest but kindest and most unselfish thing for your dog. He will quietly pass away knowing your love and loyalty to him never died.

Tell your DD, truthfully, that he is very poorly and that the vet will be sending him, permanently, to a pain-free place. I don't know what your beliefs are (we're not religious so I don't do Doggie Heaven) but I can't see what is wrong in imagining that our lovely dogs romp away in a special Thereafter Place and I know this helped my dcs cope when we lost any of our dogs. They very readily imagined funny situations Up There (Bobby would still steal all the sausages) and while you can't be dishonest about death, younger children often cope with it better than adults.

Very sorry you face this though.

I think telling her the dog has died in her sleep will cause more problems than telling her the truth.

I would tell her the truth, let her say goodbye and then make a memory book with photos and places she used to like to go and walk.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Sorry, he.

PS. I think you should go with what DD wants to do. If she'd like a final goodbye then that's what she should have.

I would be honest. Children do seem to understand and deal with these things better than we give them credit for.

My parents rehomed my beloved dog, when I was 7. They mentioned that they were thinking about it then, when I woke up in the morning, he was gone. I have never forgiven them for it (my dad now feels so bad about it, he cannot speak about it) At least let your dd have the option to say goodbye, and be truthful with her about the reasons. So sad for you

I had to have my almost fifteen year old labrador (who was my first guide dog) put to sleep in December. I'd taken her to the vet the day before and we'd decided that a lump she had had become ulserated and she was just days away from scepticemia so it would be kinder to let her go before it came to that. So I made the appointment for the next day.

When ds came home from school I said to him that the vet had said that Bonnie was very poorly and that she thought it would be better to let her go peacefully rather than let her die in pain. He was very distraught obviously, but he understood, and the next day he said goodbye to her before he went to school. School was an obvious distraction and I took her while he was there. I explained that as people we have the ability to not let animals suffer, and that sometimes, if we love our animals, the kindest thing to do is to help them to die peacefully if they are in pain.

I have her ashes and we are going to bury them in the garden soon and plant a rosebush called Bonica (which is the closest we could find to a rose named Bonnie) to remember her.

Can you get the dog home overnight for some final family time? My parents did this with one of our dogs. He could have been put down there and then when the verdict was given, but instead we all had one last night together and said our goodbyes. If you don't want to give the full truth you could say that he has to go back in the next day and might not make it, so she should say goodbye now, just in case.

But I would just be honest. Children have to learn about pets being put to sleep at some time. and as jolly said, they do tend to understand. And I too have had a dog rehomed without my parents telling me and I still hold that grudge against my dad (who I otherwise love dearly!)

So sorry about your dog.

I haven't had to do this yet but I was on the receiving end when I was 8. I was really glad I got to stroke our old cat before she was taken away to die at the vets (she was attacked by a dog whose owner trapped her and let the dog loose - not nice).

It is best to be truthful I reckon and 7 is probably a good age for her to start understanding a little bit about death - what does she think? What does your DD want? Maybe talk to the vet about it they must have experience of this situation.

So So sad for you

I'd be surprised if the vet wouldn't come to your house, try it, explain your situation. I'm sure they'd help you out if they can.

Thinking about you.

I was 7 when our first dog was put down. I still remember it vividly. I went with my mother to the vet, said my goodbyes then waited in the reception while my mum stayed with her. It was horrible, but about the only thing I'd change would be to have had someone there to wait with me.

In contrast, my dp's first dog was put to sleep while she was away on a school trip (I don't know what age, sorry). She never got to say goodbye and regrets it to this day.

So I think you should explain to your daughter what is happening and why, then ask her where/when/if she wants to say goodbye - at the vet? at home before the dog goes to the vet?